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A woman's guide to enduring and overcoming her mate's alcoholic problems. Demystifying the complicated issues of dependency, denial, self-abuse and self-esteem, women are shown how to cope with the personal, professional and familial conflicts that result from alcoholism.
Alcoholism has been called a "family disease" and yet the family, in particular the wife, of the alcoholic seems to go unseen by the addiction and recovery communities. And what support, advice and programs there are for the women married to alcoholics tend to be alcoholic-centric. "The Alcoholic Husband Primer" is advice for the wives of alcoholics based on their needs - not the needs of the alcoholic. It doesn't label women as "co-dependent." It doesn't accuse them of being "enablers." It's real, practical, everyday advice for the wives of alcoholics...written by the wife of an alcoholic.
"Living with a Functioning Alcoholic" is a book about hope, written specifically for women living in the chaos of alcoholic families yet unable to seek help from a psychologist.
Wren Waters knows that most women who are married to alcoholics live in the constant mental state of "should I stay? I need to leave." As the days turn into months, the months into years, no decision becomes a tragic decision. When a woman finally looks up from the years lost to trying to mitigate life with a compulsive drinking, she often feels it's "too late." Too late to be happy. Too late to embrace her life. Too late to live her dreams. "Leaving 101" is not about leaving today, tomorrow or necessarily at all. It's about arresting the erosion of your soul that is the eventual by product of living with someone else's alcoholism. It's about learning to live more consciously - rather than reactively - so that you regain control and power in your own life. It's about working to create a life that one day makes it your choice as to whether you stay or go.
"To me the sound of a metal bottle capunscrewing against a glass bottle isthe worst sound in the world.To my husband it is heaven."This true account is my story. My personal observations and feelings as I lived with a husband addicted to alcohol, on a roller coaster ride of hope and despair, love and loathing, embarrassment and anger, dreading each day. I was isolated, confused and upset that I was not doing enough to help him.You become worn down by the windscreen wiper mentality. The good guy, bad guy, drinking, not drinking, telling the truth, lying, worrying, hope, please not this time, maybe he will stop - or maybe I am going mad - perhaps it is me.This is the life I have written about. How I slowly came to realize that I was always waiting, wanting him to change. Trying to change him. Wrong. It had to be me who changed.I describe how I reached these conclusions, the choices I made and acted upon, to improve my life.Without implementing change, everything will stay the same as it is now.In writing this book I hope that some one else who lives with an alcoholically dependant person can be helped.We are not going mad.We did not cause the problem.We alone cannot change the alcoholic.We must change ourselves in order to get our life back.
Fifteen million Americans a year are plagued with alcoholism. Five million of them are women. Many of them, like Caroline Knapp, started in their early teens and began to use alcohol as "liquid armor," a way to protect themselves against the difficult realities of life. In this extraordinarily candid and revealing memoir, Knapp offers important insights not only about alcoholism, but about life itself and how we learn to cope with it. It was love at first sight. The beads of moisture on a chilled bottle. The way the glasses clinked and the conversation flowed. Then it became obsession. The way she hid her bottles behind her lover's refrigerator. The way she slipped from the dinner table to the bathroom, from work to the bar. And then, like so many love stories, it fell apart. Drinking is Caroline Kapp's harrowing chronicle of her twenty-year love affair with alcohol. Caroline had her first drink at fourteen. She drank through her yeras at an Ivy League college, and through an award-winning career as an editor and columnist. Publicly she was a dutiful daughter, a sophisticated professional. Privately she was drinking herself into oblivion. This startlingly honest memoir lays bare the secrecy, family myths, and destructive relationships that go hand in hand with drinking. And it is, above all, a love story for our times—full of passion and heartbreak, betrayal and desire—a triumph over the pain and deception that mark an alcoholic life. Praise for Drinking “Quietly moving . . . Caroline Knapp dazzles us with her heady description of alcohol's allure and its devastating hold.”—Los Angeles Times Book Review “Filled with hard-won wisdom . . . [a] perceptive and revealing book.”—San Francisco Chronicle “Eloquent . . . a remarkable exercise in self-discovery.”—The New York Times “Drinking not only describes triumph; it is one.”—Newsweek
This eminently practical guide presents an empirically supported approach for treating people with substance abuse problems and their spouses or domestic partners. Behavioral couples therapy (BCT) explicitly focuses on both substance use and relationship issues, and is readily compatible with 12-step approaches. In a convenient large-size format, the book provides all the materials needed to introduce BCT; implement a recovery contract to support abstinence; work with clients to increase positive activities, improve communication, and reduce relapse risks; and deal with special treatment challenges. Appendices include a session-by-session treatment manual and 70 reproducible checklists, forms, and client education posters.
This current study has emerged from two decades of the author's investigations in related areas: alcoholism and domestic relations. Its canvas is broadly comparative, drawing on interviews and data gathered in the United States and Finland. The domestic drama of "The Other Half "is played out both in the private scene of the home and the more public scene of the workplace, and against these two differing national backgrounds. Despite the many expected and perceived cultural differences between the countries, the effects of alcoholism on the family are shown to be the same. Dr. Wiseman's study offers theoretical insights gleaned from its perspective on alcoholism as an interactive phenomenon, to which the concepts of G.H. Mead and Blumer can be applied to illuminate the carefully presented data and go beyond them. New terrain in studies of alcoholism is thereby explored, including such themes as the social construction by the subjects of their husbands' drinking, their marriage and their self-images; the strategy of coping mechanisms; and the effects of the crisis of alcoholism on gender, sex roles, and power differentials. "The Other Half "complements Dr. Wiseman's prize-winning work on the treatment of Skid Row alcoholics, "Stations of the Lost, "while involving issues of greater complexity on both the methodological and theoretical plane.
A gripping first-hand story of personal triumph and recovery by a wealthy American housewife who appeared to have it all but who was, in reality, losing life's most important moments in an alcohol-induced haze. Brenda Wilhelmson was like a lot of women in her neighborhood. She had a husband and two children. She was educated and made a good living as a writer. She had a vibrant social life with a tight circle of friends. She could party until dawn and take her children to school the next day. From the outside, she appeared to have it all together. But, in truth, alcohol was slowly taking over, turning her world on its side. Waking up to another hangover, growing tired of embarrassing herself in front of friends and family, and feeling important moments slip away, Brenda made the most critical decision of her life: to get sober. She kept a diary of her first year (and beyond) in recovery, chronicling the struggles of finding a meeting she could look forward to, relating to her fellow alcoholics, and finding a sponsor with whom she connected. Along the way, she discovered the challenges and pleasures of living each day without alcohol, navigating a social circle where booze is a centerpiece, and dealing with her alcoholic father's terminal illness and denial. Brenda Wilhelmson's Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife offers insight, wisdom, and relevance for readers in recovery, as well as their loved ones, no matter how long they've been sober.