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Let me tell you a story about a girl on Long Island, who always tried to play life by "the rules" — as outlined in the Secret Handbook of Long Island Rules... That girl, uh, woman, is me, Teddi Gallo. I'm the mother of three kids under the age of eleven, best friend to Bobbie (who denies there's any such thing as a secret handbook, but who knows all the moves by heart) and the daughter of June (who has inside info on the rules, but has a reserved room at South Winds Psychiatric Hospital, as well). And if I don't have enough to send me over the edge, my too-handsome-for-his-own-good husband seems determined to drive me crazy. But why? This is the tale of how I had to rewrite that old, dusty handbook — and while doing so, I suddenly discovered the secret to happiness was living by your own rules. And that has made everything different.
“What is it with you and murder victims?” When Drew Scoones asks the questions, Teddi Bayer listens. Her latest decorating job for a restaurant spoiled by a murder, Ms. Bayer might just have to submit to the detective’s line of interrogation. After all, her life depends on it. With a mafia don who’s a little too interested in our crazed housewife, it seems as if everyone’s got their eye on the Long Island spitfire. Observe the Botoxed mother who can still wound at thirty feet with just a look and a daughter whose bat mitzvah is a disaster in the making. If Teddi can’t save herself, then the dreamy detective slowly putting the screws to her is the next best thing. But she’s got questions of her own. Like, where are the handcuffs, anyway?
My life hasn’t been what you’d call easy lately… Last year I, Teddi Bayer Gallo, nearly killed my husband. This year he’s nearly my ex. Last year money grew on trees. This year if my three delicious children and I don’t eat, my new interior decorating business might survive. Last year I’d never seen a dead person up close. But this year I’ve just discovered one. And it’s my first paying client…. Can things get worse? Well, the police could suspect my partner, Bobbie, and me of doing the woman in. Then there’s my mother, June, who even through all her newly acquired plastic surgery can still give me “the look.” And I could fall for sexy detective Drew Scoones, who has fingered Bobbie as his prime suspect. I mean, really, can you say no to the police?
Where to Seat Aunt Edna lets those who've already made the mistakes and endured the big day disasters -- 634 of them -- explain the "we do's" and "we don'ts" involved in pulling off a dream wedding. From that fateful announcement of intentions, fixing the guest list, and choosing the bridesmaids' dresses, to writing the vows, figuring out those mind-numbing seating arrangements, and testing out the band to avoid any karaoke-ish embarrassments, there's not a wedding dilemma that hasn't been encountered, retold, and solved somewhere in this ideal engagement gift.
Beginning with a botched suicide attempt, Lipstick and Thongs in the Loony Bin takes the reader on a journey that's at once inspiring, haunting, heartfelt, and hilarious. From life at a mental hospital and the colorful cast of fellow 'bin-mates' to the horrors of insomniac night terrors and modern day electroshock therapy, Lipstick and Thongs uses dark humor and Walsh's unstoppable personality to explore the absurdities of the mental illness realm.
From 1965 through the present, an Indian American family adjusts to life in New York City, alternately fending off and welcoming challenges to their own traditions.