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A thoughtful, down-to-earth, contemporary guide to help partners identify and address relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives. Good people can be bad at relationships. One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband. As he shared raw, uncomfortable, and darkly humorous first-person stories about the lessons he’d learned from his failed marriage, a peculiar thing happened. Matthew started to gain a following. In January 2016 a post he wrote—“She Divorced Me Because I left the Dishes by the Sink”—went viral and was read over four million times. Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust. With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and the practical insights of The 5 Love Languages, This is How Your Marriage Ends helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives, and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. It is must-read for every partner no matter what stage–beginning, middle, or even end—of your relationship.
A step-by-step approach to making your marriage loving again.
When Marriage Ends offers a comprehensive and insightful contribution to the study of economic effects of divorce and it also contributes to the comparative study of family policies and family law regimes in Europe. The book can be recommended not only to students and researchers interested in family studies but also to legal and public policy practitioners. Jana Chaloupková, Central European Journal of Public Policy This is a double-faced book, which should be read by everybody who is concerned about the societal effects of divorce. It shows that divorce has negative economic and social consequences, not only in the Anglo-Saxon countries, but also in the most generous welfare states of Europe, where divorce is widely accepted. Moreover, these effects are more negative for women than for men, even in the most gender-equalitarian welfare state. But it also shows that social policies can mitigate these negative consequences. Jaap Dronkers, European University Institute, Italy In recent decades the probability of divorce and separation among married and cohabiting couples has increased significantly in most European countries. Focusing on both economic and social aspects, this comprehensive volume explores the consequences of partnership dissolution at the individual level. The contributors use personal characteristics, properties of the partnerships and the institutional context to explain coping behaviours. The book comprises reports on eight countries, which have tentatively been classified as: the male breadwinner (Belgium and Germany), the dual earner (Denmark, Finland and Sweden), the market (Great Britain) and the family model (Spain and Greece). It also contains four cross-national comparative studies addressing the wider impacts of divorce, including labour force participation, residential mobility and housing, household income, and poverty and lifestyle deprivation. Complemented by the editors authoritative introduction, this timely study will prove invaluable to graduate students and researchers interested in the economics and sociology of the family. Legal and public policy practitioners will also find the book an insightful addition to the current literature.
When your marriage falls apart, where can you turn for hope and help? Linda Rooks, an experienced guide for marriages in crisis, provides biblical wisdom, real-life stories, and practical help for husbands and wives who desire restoration in their marriages. Even if your spouse has turned away, there is hope.
"From weeknight dinners and homework sessions with their son to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life eventsƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚€ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their new amazing spouses and children. Ben and Nikki had hoped their wedding would start their happily ever afterƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚€ƒƒ‚ƒƒ‚‚‚ƒƒ‚‚ƒ‚‚"but seven years, one child, and countless financial and familial entanglements later, their I do-s had turned into We can't-s. Armed with their fierce love for their son and a desire to give him the best, they realized they needed to find an alternative to the seemingly inevitable toxic divorce that loomed over their lives.
Buddhism has been applied to everything from parenting to golf, but until now no one has offered Buddhist principles as a healing path through divorce. In Storms Can't Hurt the Sky, Gabriel Cohen bravely delves into his personal experience-along with insights from Buddhist masters, parables, humor, social science studies, and interviews with other divorces-to provide a practical and very helpful guide to surviving the pain of any break-up. Focusing on the emotions most common in the dissolution of a relationship-anger, resentment, loss, and grief -- Storms Can't Hurt the Sky shows how thinking about these feelings in surprisingly different ways can lead to a radically better experience. This compulsively readable book offers sound advice and much-needed empathy for anyone dealing with a break-up.
There are many books that promise to help you fix a bad relationship. This groundbreaking bestseller is the first one to help you choose whether you should even try—or if you need to go. Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems: • What sins are forgivable and which ones are unpardonable? • Is your partner questioning your opinions to the point where you doubt yourself? • What is your sex life really like, and how important is it? • Is there real love left between you, and how does it stack up against all that you find unlovable? Mira Kirshenbaum provides expert guidelines that are the key to making all your choices, concrete steps that you can implement right now, and the ultimate way to determine your personal bottom line—what you need to be happy. This remarkably insightful and probing guide offers advice that lets you see the truth about your relationship—and with wisdom and compassion, it helps you act with the confidence of knowing that whether you decide to go or stay, you are doing the very best thing.
Seventy now-adult children of divorce give their candid and often heart-wrenching answers to eight questions (arranged in eight chapters, by question), including: What were the main effects of your parents' divorce on your life? What do you say to those who claim that "children are resilient" and "children are happy when their parents are happy"? What would you like to tell your parents then and now? What do you want adults in our culture to know about divorce? What role has your faith played in your healing? Their simple and poignant responses are difficult to read and yet not without hope. Most of the contributors--women and men, young and old, single and married--have never spoken of the pain and consequences of their parents' divorce until now. They have often never been asked, and they believe that no one really wants to know. Despite vastly different circumstances and details, the similarities in their testimonies are striking; as the reader will discover, the death of a child's family impacts the human heart in universal ways.
And Then They Lived Happily… We enter our romantic relationships with great love, hope, and excitement--we've found the 'one', so we plan and forge our futures together. But sometimes, for many different reasons, relationships come undone; they don't work out. Commonly, we view this as a personal failure, rather than an opportunity. And instead of honoring what we once meant to each other, we hoard bitterness and anger, stewing in shame and resentment. Sometimes even lashing out in destructive and hurtful ways, despite the fact that we’re good people at heart. That's natural: we're almost biologically primed to respond this way. Yet there is another path to the end of a relationship--one filled with mutual respect, kindness, and deep caring. Katherine Woodward Thomas's groundbreaking method, Conscious Uncoupling, provides the valuable skills and tools for you to travel this challenging terrain with these five thoughtful and thought-provoking steps: Step 1: Find Emotional Freedom Step 2: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life Step 3: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart Step 4: Become a Love Alchemist Step 5: Create Your Happy Even After Life This paradigm-shifting guide will steer you away from a bitter end and toward a new life that’s empowered and flourishing.
"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”