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In The Shame That Lingers: A Survivor-Centered Critique of Catholic Sin-Talk, A. Denise Starkey argues that the dominant legal model of sin in the Catholic Church is inadequate for hearing the experience of sin for survivors of childhood and domestic violence because it functions to shame rather than to heal. A universal understanding of the sinner, as found in mainstream Catholic sin-talk and confession, impedes human flourishing by silencing radical suffering in ways that make survivors complicit for the harm done to them. Starkey argues that a shame-free theology of sin is necessary if survivors are to encounter the profound love of God. Understanding sin from the perspective of the sinned-against makes possible a transformative solidarity with the other by reinvisioning the roles of speaker and listener.
This book is not a before-and-after story. Our culture treats suffering like a problem to fix, a blight to hide, or the sad start of a transformation story. We silently, secretly wither under the pressure of living as though suffering is a predicament we can avoid or annihilate by working hard enough or having enough faith. When your prayers for healing haven't been answered, the fog of depression isn't lifting, your marriage is ending in divorce, or grief won't go away, it's easy to feel you've failed God and, worse, he's failed you. If God loves us, why does he allow us to hurt? Over a decade ago chronic illness plunged therapist and writer K.J. Ramsey straight into this paradox. Before her illness, faith made sense. But when pain came and never left, K.J. had to find a way across the widening canyon that seemed to separate God's goodness from her excruciating circumstances. She wanted to conquer suffering. Instead, she encountered the God who chose it. She wanted to make pain past-tense. Instead, God invited her into a bigger story. This Too Shall Last offers an antidote to our cultural idolatry of effort and ease. Through personal story and insights from neuroscience and theology, Ramsey invites us to let our tears become lenses of the wonder that before God ever rescues us, he stands in solidarity with us. We are all mid-story in circumstances we did not choose, wondering when our hard things will end and where grace will come if they don’t. We don't need to make suffering a before-and-after story. Together we can encounter the grace that enters the middle of our stories, where living with suffering that lingers means receiving God's presence that lasts.
WHERE THE HEART IS... Daisy Daring dreams of what she cannot have—a career as an architect like her famous father, yet society will never tolerate a woman architect. When her father falls ill, Daisy takes up his work herself in order to provide for her family. Soon, she isn’t just finishing his old floor plans and designs but creating brand new ones herself—all done secretly under her father’s name. The ruse works well. No one suspects…until Hugh Whitby walks into her life. Hugh Whitby isn’t taken seriously by society, his family…well, by anyone. He’s too loud and boisterous, too colorful, too impetuous, too…Whitby. So when he decides to build a new home for orphans, he seizes on this chance to prove himself by hiring the best architect he can. However, it’s not Elias Daring who greets him but his lovely daughter Daisy. For Whitby, it’s love at first sight, but for Daisy, the attention that Whitby draws is dangerous. If anyone discovers her secret, it would end her father’s career and her dream right along with it. No, best to stay away from him—in public, because she can’t help falling for his charms when they’re alone. When an unintended act of betrayal threatens all she holds dear, can they overcome the obstacles between them and learn that home really is where the heart is?
At times, most of us would have felt that there is something not quite right with our soul. Our life may be meandering along without too many bumps on the road. We may be content with how our life is panning out. Our relationships may be stable, and our physical health is relatively good. And yet the rich and satisfying life that could potentially be ours seems to illude us. We may sense that there could be so much more to life than what we are currently experiencing. But we don’t quite know what to do or how to get there. As a result of past experiences of rejection and abandonment, we may crave acceptance and significance from our relationships and our work and yet we find the craving to never be satisfied. We may attempt to fill that void in our souls through other means such as status and outward achievements. But those too never seem to be able to deliver what they promise. When we remain disconnected from our true selves, we will never be able to identify the root cause of our shame. We may never even be aware that shame has pervaded our souls. As our eyes begin to see ourselves for who we really are, it requires humility and courage to step out into the light and cultivate intimacy with our Creator who can begin to cleanse us of the deep pain that shame has caused us. Healing from shame is never complete without immersing ourselves in genuinely caring and compassionate communities who are willing to love and accept us just as we are. Finding true acceptance and significance in such communities go a long way towards uprooting the pervasiveness nature of shame and reinstating the God-given value, dignity and worth we possess.
A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.
From a bold new voice in literary fiction comes a compelling story of three mothers whose lives intersect during a generation-defining period in South Africa's history. The year is 1994, and South Africa is in political turmoil as its first democratic election looms. Against a backdrop of apartheid and racial violence, traumatized artist Yolanda Petersen returns from the Appalachian foothills to the land of her youth at the behest of her mother. While there Yolanda longs to reconnect with her estranged daughter, Ingrid, the product of an illegal mixed-race affair with a white man. But Ingrid is missing, and as Yolanda quickly discovers, she isn't the only woman in Cape Town desperate to protect her own. Ingrid's very existence is proof of a white man's crime, and that man's mother will do anything--even kill--to ensure the truth remains buried. An evocative debut novel set during a defining period in history, A Conspiracy of Mothers tells a gripping story of love and betrayal from multiple perspectives while deftly balancing the painful legacy of apartheid with the trials of motherhood.
The relentless crescendo of revelations of sexual abuse in the nation's Catholic churches has rocked the nation. Just how widespread is child sexual abuse by the Catholic clergy? And why hasn't the Catholic church done more to stop it?In A Gospel of Shame, Pulitzer Prize-nominated journalists Elinor Burkett and Frank Bruni provide the answers to these questions and more. The answers, however, turn out to be infuriating and heartbreaking, difficult to accept but impossible to dismiss. The authors thoroughly document dozens of cases across the country and reveal how this heinous abuse of trust has been tacitly sanctioned by the Church's silence.
Exploring feminist social media tactics that use humor as a form of resistance to misogyny, the affective dynamics of shame, shaming, and shamelessness. Online sexism, hate, and harassment aim to silence women through shaming and fear. In Who's Laughing Now? Jenny Sundén and Susanna Paasonen examine a somewhat counterintuitive form of resistance: humor. Sundén and Paasonen argue that feminist social media tactics that use humor, laughter, and a sense of the absurd to answer name-calling, offensive language, and unsolicited dick pics can rewire the affective circuits of sexual shame and acts of shaming. Using laughter as both a theme and a methodological tool, Sundén and Paasonen explore examples of the subversive deployment of humor that range from @assholesonline to the Tumblr “Congrats, you have an all-male panel!” They consider the distribution and redistribution of shame, discuss Hannah Gadsby's Nanette, and describe tactical retweeting and commenting (as practiced by Stormy Daniels, among others). They explore the appropriation of terms meant to hurt and insult—for example, self-proclaimed Finnish “tolerance whores”—and what effect this rerouting of labels may have. They are interested not in lulz (amusement at another's expense)—not in what laughter pins down, limits, or suppresses but rather in what grows with and in it. The contagiousness of laughter drives the emergence of networked forms of feminism, bringing people together (although it may also create rifts). Sundén and Paasonen break new ground in exploring the intersection of networked feminism, humor, and affect, arguing for the political necessity of inappropriate laughter.
"Fresh and useful . . . excellent practical advice . . . thorough and lucid . . . will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive." -Publishers Weekly A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition! Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does? Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes? Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first? Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it? In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life. "Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation." -Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships "Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves." -Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal "An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships." -Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents