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The ultimate gag gift! Want to laugh your stinky butt off? Makes a great gift for a boy with a love of potty humor to a co-workers white elephant gift exchange! Grab a few copies and always have a gift on hand! Use this book to record all the rump rippling details such as: Date, Time, Place Who the Butt Burper Was Spectator Reactions Sound Level (whisper, thunder and more) Linger Level (how long that gas lasts) Scent Level (merely a nasal annoyance or did people pass out?) Duration (from a snap to honk and more) A place to journal all the nose tingling notes Name your fart, sketch the stench and rank the rank (Rotten eggs, Beans, Skunk, Skunk That Ate Beans and more! Dimensions: 6x9, 118 pages to record your fart facts
Now, old farts can track their fishing expeditions with this journal that includes space to enter location, weather conditions, details about fish caught and much more.
This newest title in the wildly popular Spotter's Guide series leads readers through the distinct field marks of flatulence in the latter years of life, from "The Crank" (the fart that chases pesky kids—and everyone else—off the lawn) through "The ReAnimator" (the sudden eruption of post-holiday meal flatulence that brings Great Aunt Gladys back from the brink). Each spread is devoted to a singular fart profile and includes helpful information such as age of onset, key characteristics for identification, and prominent subtypes. Detailed "in situ" illustrations and ten distinct push-button sounds complete this indispensable reference to farting happily and healthfully into the autumn years of life.
A collection of visually diverse, humorous stories about old folks, told through their observations about daily life, musings about the past, and abstrast parables.
There are many ways for a young boy to grow into a man. Randal Gritzner took his own unique path. His personality and character were influenced by many people. Many of those people offered good Christian influence, and some offered influence of less positive nature. Randal's parents were strong Christians with exceptional work ethic. Having all four strong Christian grandparents living within one mile offered additional foundation. Randal entered the US Navy with strong convictions that he would never drink alcoholic beverages. He did not live up to those convictions. He became a pot-smoking, beer-drinking man very much the opposite of his intentions. Individuals do come to mind who offered such influence, but Randal made those decisions himself. Nobody else is to blame, but Randal himself. Part of becoming a teacher is learning how to learn. There are many ways to learn, and most universities that offer bachelor degrees in education spend huge amounts of time discussing learning styles. Some people are auditory learners, some are visual learners, and some are tactile-kinesthetic learners. Randal understands and uses all three methods but frequently chose to learn by making mistakes, feeling the pain, and deciding not to feel that pain again. Fortunately for him, he didn't get caught in some of his worst mistakes. That would have changed his life so dramatically that he would have never gotten a job in a room full of teenagers or been loved by the "love of his life." How different would his life be had he never been allowed to teach? How different would his life be had Elvia never taken a second look at him in 1983? She was not looking for an immoral man lacking in integrity. Elvia is a strong Texas woman who doesn't need a man. She has proven to Randal that life with the right person can be incredibly richer than life alone!
If you’re an Old Fart who needs to do something about your shape, or you’d like to help the Old Fart in your life shape up, this is the perfect book for you. If you’re engrossed by TV ads that claim that taking their pills will make your fat disappear or that strapping on and plugging in a device will shock your abs into shape, you’re an Old Fart. If you believe that by exercising your wallet you can look like that 20-something-year-old body builder in the ad, you’re an Old Fart. If money is no object, as long as getting into shape does not mean getting off the couch and actually exercising, then you are an Old Fart who needs to read this seriously funny book. It was after the death of yet another friend in his 50s due to heart failure, that actor/writer Tim Plewman and a group of his friends formed a ‘Fellowship of Old Farts’ to try to avoid a similar fate. Fitness for Old Farts is the outcome and proof that the programme they followed really does work. With humour and empathy, Tim provides practical and honest help to men over the age of 50 hoping to rediscover good health and a respectable physique, while still enjoying mealtimes. Using himself and his friends as role models on what can be achieved with the correct, progressive gym exercise programmes, as well as healthy food choices in the form of tasty and simple-to-prepare recipes, he goes right to the heart of the matter because he understands the problems, fears and motivations relevant to old farts. Tim Plewman’s Fitness for Old Farts will keep you in stitches.
OLD FARTS CLUB We all live with them....decrepid, surly, wrinkled...tin need of either plastic surgery or euthenasia?...but we love 'em. Lined pages - room for their inner cumudgeoning. Dead skin wipes off easily. Great funny gift for those approaching their 30s....or 40s or 50s or 60s...you get the picture.
Fart is desperate to make friends and have fun. But no one likes a fart -- not even a fart with a heart. With plenty of laughs and even more heart, this delightful picture book shows that even the smelliest among us can find a friend in this world. It's hard out there for a fart. Too smelly. Too embarassing. Too gross. Striking the perfect balance of gross-out humor, wit, and heart, this beautifully illustrated picture book delivers a message of accepting yourself and finding a friend who loves you just the way you are.
"Old Macdonald heard a fart ... E-I-E-I-O!" There are some VERY rude noises coming from Old Macdonald's farm - who could be responsible?! Sing along to this side-splitting picture book adaptation of everyone's favourite nursery rhyme.
Survival tips written for (and by) "Old Farts" I decided to write down a bunch of timely woodlore tricks and preparedness advisement so they can be shared and remembered once more. Knowledge I have gained from a lifetime of prepping and preparing for disasters and how to live easier through hard times are explained within this book. I bet all of us aging seniors who are of the prepper mindset or of a survivalist bent, as well as many younger folks less knowledgeable, want to know about the same things we do regarding eating well and dying easier after a mega disaster. That is survival knowledge that we will need to know and rely on should the electrical grid ever go down and stay down. Considering just how unreliable all this newfangled technology can be and the fact that new threats are always appearing on the horizon, it is not a far stretch to say our dependency on technology is putting our very survival or daily existence in jeopardy. We need to try to get back to our old school mindsets now and learn more about the woods or country living that some of us may have forgotten about, or some of us never learned growing up to begin with. Whether or not you are just learning basic preparedness for the first time or remembering many an old camping trip or military deployment, there is plenty to learn here. The contents of this book will teach you long term survival and food procurement with and without, using anything but the cheapest gear best suited for the task. Even if you are on a strict fixed income and have a few minor physical disabilities' I have a plan for you and one that won't cost much at all to sustain you for a year or more. This book will teach you some awesome things like how to catch a fish with a twig, use nothing but a pencil sharpener to light a fire in wet woods and make a fish hook or animal trap, heat your house with the sun and a sewage line, open a can of food on the curb without a can opener, heat your house with a garbage bag, light a fire with a rain drop, defend yourself against a wild dog attack, spend a dollar on a tool that can feed you the rest of your life or spend a hundred dollars on a piece of gear that could feed you and your family for a year using common easy applicable food procurement skills in any suburban backyard or forested wood lot. You will learn the skills that some of us old timers who are still kicking around will use for surviving long term and would like to be taught to the next generation. Things that are good to know, like how to take a cardboard box, a baking bag, a piece of string and catch your own dinner, cook it and boil and purify water using those three items. This book will teach you more than a few things you might not know yet, but you should for old fart survival purposes! Let us try to outlive and out think them young heathens or at least hang around long enough to teach them a better way to survive themselves!