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In the tradition of Deep Thoughts and Gumpisms comes this devastatingly funny collection of quips, quotes, and quick-witted comebacks culled from the mouths of the Bundys, stars of the die-hard Fox TV sitcom, Married with Children.
The definitive anthology of wisdom and wit about one of life’s most complex, intriguing, and personal subjects. When and whom do you marry? How do you keep a spouse content? Do all engaged couples get cold feet? How cold is so cold that you should pivot and flee? Where and how do children fit in? Is infidelity always wrong? In this volume, you won’t find a single answer to your questions about marriage; you will find hundreds. Spanning centuries and cultures, sources and genres, The Marriage Book offers entries from ancient history and modern politics, poetry and pamphlets, plays and songs, newspaper ads and postcards. It is an A to Z compendium, exploring topics from Adam and Eve to Anniversaries, Fidelity to Freedom, Separations to Sex. In this volume, you’ll hear from novelists, clergymen, sex experts, and presidents, with guest appearances by the likes of Liz and Dick, Ralph and Alice, Louis CK, and Neil Patrick Harris. Casanova calls marriage the tomb of love, and Stephen King calls it his greatest accomplishment. With humor, perspective, breadth, and warmth, The Marriage Book is sure to become a classic.
Amusing, thought-provoking epigrams, aphorisms, and other jests from the plays, essays, and lively conversation of Oscar Wilde offer a feast of humorous and profound quips. Nearly 400 quotes.
In an updated and expanded edition of a timeless classic, bestselling author Jerry Apps has written and collected oft-spoken phrases, observations, comments, and conundrums celebrating country life and rural living. Black and white photographs by Steve Apps, an award-winning photojournalist, complement the text that offers humorous, touching, and unique glimpses into the lighter side of life in the Midwest.
"Courageous, bellicose and humorous. . . . To anyone who wishes to have a generous source of quotations, this is the one. Churchill address audiences for seven decades. To those who follow World War II, this is an inspiring book to read and keep on your shelves." — Indianapolis Star A treasury of more than 1,000 quotations by and anecdotes about one of the most erudite, clever, and eloquent statesmen in history, Sir Winston Churchill. This entertaining compendium of bon mots and trivia is ideal for speakers, students of history, World War II buffs, and general readers.
"Familiarity breeds contempt — and children." "When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear." "Heaven for climate. Hell for company." This attractive paperback gift edition of the renowned American humorist's epigrams and witticisms features hundreds of quips on life, love, history, culture, travel, and other topics from his fiction, essays, letters, and autobiography.
The Hilarious New Book by the Writers of the Emmy-winning Hit Show Modern Family Every week, the families of Modern Family have something to learn. Sometimes it's a lesson about parenting. Other times, it's about surviving marriage--or getting along with the dreaded in-laws. But no matter what, the Pritchetts always find a fresh and incredibly funny way to teach us a little bit about life and love along the way. Now, America's most beloved family has finally opened up their albums and shared some of their favorite quotes, photos, and memories for us to enjoy all over again. Touching on everything from motherhood and teenagers to siblings, school, and love, Modern Family: Wit and Wisdom from America's Favorite Family features some of the funniest lines from the show, including: Claire: Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now they're driving, and soon we'll all be dead. Phil: I called the florist and ordered one dozen Mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad, honey. Gloria: I'm Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one. Jay: She's my daughter. You're my wife. Let's remember what's important here: There's a football game on. Mitchell: It's Cameron's turn to be out in the world, interacting with grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer. With exclusive chapter introductions by each family member, this book will leave the show's millions of fans laughing out loud at--and falling even more in love with--the funniest family on television. Created by Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd, Modern Family is one of the most popular and critically acclaimed shows on television. The show's writers and actors have won multiple Emmys and Golden Globes, as well as awards from the Screen Actors Guild and Writers Guild of America. The Pritchett family has won a few trophies here and there, but Mitchell destroyed them all in a fit of jealous rage.
Hundreds of delightful aphorisms, carefully selected from many issues of Franklin's popular 18th-century publication: "He that lies down with Dogs, shall rise up with fleas" and many others.
ox-y-mor-on-i-ca (OK-se-mor-ON-uh-ca) noun, plural: Any variety of tantalizing, self-contradictory statements or observations that on the surface appear false or illogical, but at a deeper level are true, often profoundly true. See also oxymoron, paradox. examples: "Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad." Victor Hugo "To lead the people, walk behind them." Lao-tzu "You'd be surprised how much it coststo look this cheap." Dolly Parton You won't find the word "oxymoronica" in any dictionary (at least not yet) because Dr. Mardy Grothe introduces it to readers in this delightful collection of 1,400 of the most provocative quotations of all time. From ancient thinkers like Confucius, Aristotle, and Saint Augustine to great writers like Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, and G. B. Shaw to modern social observers like Woody Allen and Lily Tomlin, Oxymoronica celebrates the power and beauty of paradoxical thinking. All areas of human activity are explored, including love, sex and romance, politics, the arts, the literary life, and, of course, marriage and family life. The wise and witty observations in this book are as highly entertaining as they are intellectually nourishing and are sure to grab the attention of language lovers everywhere.