Oscar Wilde
Published: 2020-09-15
Total Pages: 78
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Morning-room in Algernon's flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room.[Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, Algernon enters.]Algernon. Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?Lane. I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.Algernon. I'm sorry for that, for your sake. I don't play accurately-any one can play accurately-but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life.Lane. Yes, sir.Algernon. And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?Lane. Yes, sir. [Hands them on a salver.]Algernon. [Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa.] Oh! ... by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed.Lane. Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint.Algernon. Why is it that at a bachelor's establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information.Lane. I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand.Algernon. Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that?Lane. I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person.Algernon. [Languidly.] I don't know that I am much interested in your family life, Lane.Lane. No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject. I never think of it myself.Algernon. Very natural, I am sure. That will do, Lane, thank you.Lane. Thank you, sir. [Lane goes out.]Algernon. Lane's views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the lower orders don't set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility.[Enter Lane.]Lane. Mr. Ernest Worthing.[Enter Jack.][Lane goes out.]Algernon. How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you up to town?Jack. Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What else should bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy!Algernon. [Stiffly.] I believe it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at five o'clock. Where have you been since last Thursday?Jack. [Sitting down on the sofa.] In the country.Algernon. What on earth do you do there?