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“Genius . . . will teach you how to transform your conflict into closeness. A beautiful read for anyone in a relationship they want to take higher.” —Regena Thomashauer, New York Times bestselling author If left unresolved, sources of disconnect—from bad breath to infidelity—can lead to major rifts and smother the spark in a relationship. Authors CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke bring over twenty years of experience in family and marriage counseling and relationship coaching to this book. They cater their advice to romantic relationships and provide resolution strategies for women and men. While arguments with our partner can get tiring, looking at those disagreements as opportunities to strengthen the bond rather than weaken it can have a significant impact on their effect. With conflict comes the chance to communicate and solve problems together. This can restore a sense of intimacy and connection with our partner, both emotionally and physically. In The Beauty of Conflict for Couples, you will find: · Relatable stories that shed light on the common struggles of romantic relationships · Practical tools that offer guidance for addressing conflict · A source of hope for relationships that appear to be fated for failure “The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is a knock-your-socks-off book for anyone who has ever struggled with intimacy, vulnerability, and the longing to make this relationship work even when it seems impossible . . . This book is readable (I couldn’t put it down!), funny, warm, practical, and powerful.” —Ann Weiser Cornell, author of The Radical Acceptance of Everything and The Power of Focusing
How do two well-meaning people who genuinely care about each other end up in a damaged, unsatisfying relationship? Every couple faces conflict. Most of the time, the root of the problem is that we’re not getting our needs met. And most of the time, we first try to remedy this with reasonable requests—or hints—and a kind tone. But when that fails, we feel disempowered, which leads to sighs, eye rolls, silences, subtle put-downs, insults, and even threats. These are power moves. And while we often use them without realizing it and without intention, the result is the same—our partner feels disempowered and will try to re-empower themselves. And so the endless, and endlessly destructive, dynamic takes hold. Relationship expert Mira Kirshenbaum, bestselling author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, reveals a better way: a three-step method for conflict-free problem solving. By recognizing each partner’s power moves, we can instead find mutually satisfying ways to heal our hurts and meet each other’s needs. Non-judgmental, compassionate, and wise, this is an indispensable guide to help couples end the negative cycle and get back to the loving understanding that brought them together in the first place. “Mira Kirshenbaum’s words of wisdom are an inspiration to everyone who reads them.” —Deepak Chopra
Every couple has disagreements. All too often, though, when we engage in arguments, our goal is not to resolve the conflict at hand, but rather, to win the fight. Unfortunately, when you win an argument, your spouse is the loser, and nobody wants to be or live with a loser. When you resolve a conflict, your spouse becomes your friend. Good marriages are based on friendship, not on winning arguments. Now, Gary Chapman provides couples with a simple blueprint for achieving win-win solutions to everyday conflicts and disagreements. By learning how to listen empathetically, respecting each other's ideas and feelings, and understanding why particular issues are so important to their spouse, couples can find solutions that result not only in resolving the conflict at hand, but also leave both partners feeling loved, listened to, and appreciated.
This clear, simple guide based on a ground-breaking twenty-year study, reveals the specific factors that make a marriage work.
This classic volume provides a solid foundation for thinking about creative ways in which our society can work to prevent or minimize destructive couple conflict and enhance couples' abilities to constructively handle their differences. A common thread throughout is that constructive conflict and negotiation are beneficial for relationships. The new introduction provides an overview of how this classic text is still relevant today. Divided into four parts, this book: *addresses the societal and bio-evolutionary underpinnings of couple conflict; *presents the interpersonal roots of couple conflict and the consequences for individuals and couples; *discusses what effects couple conflict have on children and how individual differences in children moderate these effects; *outlines policies and programs that address couple conflict; and * concludes with an essay that pulls these four themes together and points to new directions for research and program efforts. This book serves as a supplement in graduate or advanced undergraduate courses on interpersonal relationships, couples and/or family and conflict, divorce, couples and/or family therapy taught in human development and family studies, clinical or counseling psychology, social work, sociology, and communications and it is also a helpful compendium for researchers and clinicians/counselors interested in couple conflict.
In this counterintuitive book, author Dr. Greg Smalley maintains that fighting is actually good for a marriage. When couples fight, they have the opportunity to get to the real issue lurking below the surface about money, sex, in-laws, kids, etc. And that real issue, Dr. Smalley says, is fear—fear of rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness, to name a few. What assuages these fears are things like intimacy, respect, validation, love, and connection. Learning to take advantage of the opportunity that conflict provides is what this book is all about. The good news of Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage is that conflict—when handled correctly—is the doorway to intimacy and under-standing. As Dr. Smalley leads readers through the many faces of conflict, he is open and candid about his own marriage and the unproductive fights he and his wife have had. He uses his fears and emotional triggers as examples to help read-ers discover their own. Couples will learn how to fight their way to a better marriage, using the skills, concepts, and exercises shared in this remarkable book. *** Typical marriage fights = money, sex, in-laws, and kids. But what if fights could = trust, respect, intimacy, and understanding? WHAT IF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE COULD BE A GOOD THING? The truth is that marriages and spouses can’t grow without conflict. Some of the many values of conflict include: * An opportunity to break old, ineffective patterns * A way to guard against being too comfortable or too complacent, which breeds mediocrity and boredom * Insight into your own personal issues * A window for viewing each other’s deepest feelings and needs * Reduction of tension as emotions are vented and stress is released * Greater trust and intimacy after pushing through difficult and heated conversations * Higher levels of marital satisfaction every time you manage the conflict well * The sole reason we have the amazing experience of makeup sex
Heated fighting triggers a biochemical imbalance in men that causes them to flee from conflict. The technical name for this is the Demand/Withdraw Negative Escalation Cycle, also known as "husband withdrawal." This is the number one cause of marital and relationship strife, divorce, and domestic violence. Dr. Jamie Turndorf’s techniques, based on 30 years of research out of her Center for Emotional Communication, transform conflict into connection for a lifetime of lasting love. Even if you’re locked in battle and have been for years, your relationship can change. Beginning with simple Cool-Down steps, you’ll learn why husband withdrawal occurs and then how to use Climate Control strategies to reset the relationship. Women will discover the real reason why men never seem to listen—it’s nothing personal—and the secret trick that actually makes them want to listen and stick around to settle disputes. Dr. Turndorf’s proven conflict-resolution method interrupts the cycle of fighting for the majority of couples, and can also be used to defuse disagreements among friends and family members.
Does it seem easier to have a negative influence than a positive one? To positively influence anyone, especially your spouse or significant other, you must be sensitive to their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Therefore, when couples disagree, one, if not both, desires to be bigger than the other, emphasizing their will. They remain factually correct, believing their viewpoint is the correct one. However, two rights never make a marriage or relationship work; one must mature and apologize. This book is about the difficulties facing relationships and marriages, but on a more profound level; it is about male or female leadership. Every leader establishes a rhythm and cadence which forces them to advance the relationship or marriage. Summarily, are you the leader within your relationship or union who makes excellent decisions but lacks the influence necessary to inspire change? Or are you the leader who makes poor decisions, but your leverage (Influence) creates opportunities for hidden areas of your relationship or marriage to flourish? Bishop D. A. Davis graduated from Alabama A & M University with an Undergraduate degree and the Criswell College with a Master of Divinity degree. He serves as senior pastor of Spirit Fellowship Church in Desoto, TX. He and Lorita host a national prayer line; conduct marital and relational seminars while coaching couples on how to build stronger relationships and marriages. They are known as 'relationship strategists' due to the revelation insight, spiritual wisdom, and favor that God has placed upon their lives. They have been married for thirty-seven years and have three children and six grandchildren. When they are not ministering, D. A. and Lorita enjoy spending time with their family and loved ones while enjoying the beauty of God's creation.
Dr. Ladd has written a reference book on couples counseling that explores six contemporary relationships and discusses how couples may change from one to another according to their life experiences. In addition, six common styles of conflict resolution are addressed that may make relationship changes less painful and difficult are also addressed. When we realize that one of the most common methods for transforming the union between two people is through divorce, then the possibility of changing a relationship, instead of changing a partner, may become a more attractive alternative.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • LEARN THE 5 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL COUPLES Conflict is the top reason couples seek help—but it's also an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love according to this essential guide from the world’s leading relationship scientists and authors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates. “An indispensable resource that couples will use over and over again.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone How we fight predicts the future of our relationships. Most of us blunder into conflict without knowing what we are really fighting about and then quickly become overwhelmed by physiological responses we can’t control and emotions we don’t anticipate. The truth is the happiest and most successful couples fight—all the time. Conflict is human, and necessary. Through decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, have identified the five common mistakes we make when we are at odds. In Fight Right, we learn the five secrets that help us to get back on track and harness conflict to build stronger, healthier relationships. With kindness, clarity, and a deep understanding of the struggles couples are going through, the Gottmans show us that we each have a unique conflict culture, borne of how we were raised and how we experienced past relationships, and they take us through all the possible combinations, from Avoiders, to Validators, to Volatiles, and how they can best work together. Fight Right is an essential resource that will help couples escape the win-or-lose mentality in favor of a collaborative approach: calming down, staying connected, and really understanding, so that our fights can bring us closer.