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Why would most people endure unwanted or unsatisfying touch, rather than speak up for their own boundaries and desires? It's a question with a myriad of answers - and one that Dr. Betty Martin has explored in her 40+ years as a hands-on practitioner, first as a chiropractor and later as a Somatic Sex Educator, Certified Surrogate Partner and Sacred Intimate. In her client sessions, she noticed a pattern wherein many clients would "allow" or go along with discomfort or unease rather than speak up for what they wanted or didn't want. Betty discovered there was a major component missing for people -- the confidence that we have a choice about what is happening to us. In her framework, "The Wheel of Consent(R)" Betty traces the fundamental roots of consent back to our childhood conditioning. As children, we are taught that to be "good" we must ignore our body's discomfort and be compliant: to finish our food even if we're full, to go to bed - even if we're not tired, to let relatives hug and kiss us even if we don't want to. We learn that our feelings don't matter more than what is happening, and that we don't have a choice but to go along, whether or not we want it. As adults, this conditioning remains with us until we have an opportunity to unlearn it, which is why consent violations are often only called out after the violation has occurred - because we have not been taught or empowered to notice our boundaries, much less value or express our internal signals as the unwanted action is happening. In this book, Betty guides the reader through the Wheel of Consent framework, and shares practices to help us recover the ability to notice what we want and set clear boundaries. While the practices are based on exchanges of touch, they can also be learned without touch. In these practices, we discover that the Art of Giving includes knowing our own limits so we can be more generous within those limits, and not give beyond our capacity - a common problem which creates feelings of resentment or martyrdom. We also discover that the Art of Receiving invites us to notice and ask for what we really want, and not just what we think we are supposed to want. This knowledge, and its embodied practice, is foundational for creating clear agreements and bringing more satisfaction into relationships. While much of consent education focuses on noticing what we don't want, or prevention of violation, Betty has developed a "pleasure-forward" approach to teaching consent. By first accessing and awakening (sometimes re-awakening) our bodies' relationship to pleasure and what we want, we can practice noticing and verbalizing what we don't want. Such an approach provides a more holistic frame in which to unlearn the childhood conditioning that taught us to be silent and compliant, and in which individuals can learn to ask for what they want and state what they don't, in a more empowered way. The implications of this approach to consent education extends beyond touch and intimate relationships. When we forget how to notice what we really want, we lose our inner compass. When we continue to go along with things we don't feel are right, we lose our ability to speak up against injustice. This has a profound effect on society. We allow all manner of inequality, corruption, theft of natural resources and our planet's future health - because "going along with it" feels normal. The Wheel of Consent offers a deeply nuanced way to practice consent as an agreement that brings integrity, responsibility, and empowerment into human interaction, starting with touch and relationships, and further expanding our understanding of consent to social issues of equality and justice.
"You never get a second chance to make a first impression." Have you ever heard this saying? Before we get a chance to say a word, our gestures and manners have already spoken for us. Though some of the rules of good manners change, others remain constant. This book is about the constants: the least you need to know to make a good first impression. As Clarence Thomas once said, "Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot." Use this book as a master key to open those doors.
During a culture-shocked exchange year in Japan, fifteen-year-old Lisa Dempster’s imagination is ignited by the story of the henro michi, an arduous 1200 kilometre Buddhist pilgrimage through the mountains of Japan. Perfectly suiting the romantic view of herself as a dusty, travel-worn explorer (well, one day), she promises to return to Japan and walk the henro michi, one way or another, as soon as humanely possible. Fast-forward thirteen years, and Lisa’s life is vastly different to what she pictured it would be. Severely depressed, socially withdrawn, overweight, on the dole and living with her mum, she is 28 and miserable. And then, completely by chance, the henro michi comes back into her life, through a book at her local library. It’s a sign. She decides then and there to go back to Japan almost immediately: to walk the henro michi, and walk herself back to health. Brushing aside the barriers that other people might find daunting – the 1200km of mountainous terrain, the sweltering Japanese summer, the fact she has no money and has never done a multi-day hike before – Lisa is determined to walk the pilgrimage, or die trying.
“Patricia Spadaro is a marvelous guide through the inner realms of the heart. I always feel uplifted by her words." —Marianne Williamson, #1 New York Times bestselling author of A Return to Love Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving (winner of two national book awards) skillfully guides us through one of the key stressors and paradoxes of our time—how to balance what others need with what we need, how to give and to receive. Should I sacrifice for others or take time to care for myself? Be generous or draw boundaries? Stay in a relationship or say goodbye? When I give to others, do I really need to give up myself? Tensions like these are not only a natural part of life, they are life. But rather than focusing on how to pamper ourselves, Honor Yourself goes to the heart of the problem so you can find real solutions. While modern society is ill-equipped to bring us back into balance, the sages of East and West are experts, and Honor Yourself explores their practical, and surprising, advice. Combining wisdom from around the world with real-life stories and a treasury of tools, it exposes the most potent myths about giving that can sabotage your relationships, career, finances, even your health, without you knowing it. With candor and compassion, it shows how to move beyond the myths to the magic of honoring yourself so you can live a life filled with possibility and passion and give your greatest gifts to your loved ones, your community, and the world. We are called to master the delicate dance of giving and receiving in virtually every area of our lives, and this beautiful work offers empowering and heartfelt ways to do it. It will free you to celebrate your own gifts and greatness as you explore the dynamics behind setting boundaries, being honest about unhealthy people in your life, honoring endings, using feelings to stay true to yourself, finding your own voice, giving with the heart rather than the head, and much more. Just as importantly, Honor Yourself will teach you the steps for staying in balance. For when you learn the steps, you can perform the dance—and that's when the magic begins.
Offering opinions is the second most necessary ingredient for human life. Studies show that we can go only three minutes without air, perhaps three days without water, maybe three weeks without food. . . and but three hours without offering somebody our suggestions, responses, or critiques.A perennial "hot" topic in management circles is the process of giving, getting and analyzing advice. This brief and engaging book can be of use to anyone who has to interact with other people. You'll enjoy the "read" so much that you may not realize how much you have gained - all in words of one syllable!How to offer feedback when asked (or hired) to do so. Why feedback tells more about the giver than the receiver. How feedback is distorted or resisted by the receiver's point of view and defense mechanisms. And in dozens of enjoyable vignettes, how humans have struggled to understand each others' responses.Here's what some reviewers said:I had several 'ahas' reading this clear and entertaining excursion into everyday interactions. Feedback should be given sparingly and taken thoughtfully - with a grain of salt. That's one (of many) useful messages demonstrated here. --Marvin Weisbord, author Productive WorkplacesThis is a how-to book about relationships with depth, humor and insight far beyond the ordinary. (The authors) deal masterfully with the contradictory impulses we all feel to 'say it like it is' or flee in terror. --Barbara Benedict Bunker, Organizational Consultant, Professor, SUNY at BuffaloThe authors of this wonderful book have untangled and demythologized feedback! --Elsie Y. Cross, CEO, Elsie Y. Cross Associates
In this simple yet important book, Noah Rasheta takes profound Buddhist concepts and makes them easy to understand for anyone trying to become a better whatever-they-already-are.
A richly illustrated tribute to the art of imaginative gift giving involving some of Europe's most fascinating people, including Sophia Loren, Prince Rainier, Salvador Dali, Audrey Hepburn and Rudolf Nureyev, to name a few. 235 photographs, 186 in full color.
Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? #1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse's primary love language-quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together. Gary Chapman hosts a nationally syndicated daily radio program called A Love Language Minute that can be heard on more than 150 radio stations as well as the weekly syndicated program Building Relationships with Gary Chapman, which can both be heard on fivelovelanguages.com. The Five Love Languages is a consistent New York Times bestseller - with over 5 million copies sold and translated into 38 languages. This book is a sales phenomenon, with each year outselling the prior for 16 years running!
Unlock the transformative power of thoughtful giving with The Art of Giving and Receiving GIFT. This insightful guide goes beyond material exchanges, exploring the deeper emotional and spiritual meanings behind gifts. Designed for parents and caregivers, the book teaches how to instill values of generosity, gratitude, and reciprocity in children. Through engaging stories, practical tips, and reflective exercises, you'll discover how to foster a deeper appreciation for gifts based on intention and emotion rather than material value. Strengthen family bonds, nurture emotional intelligence, and learn how to turn gift-giving into a meaningful practice that enhances relationships and promotes positive energy in your home. Whether navigating peer pressure, managing unwanted gifts, or creating thoughtful exchanges, The Art of Giving and Receiving GIFT provides the tools you need to cultivate a mindset of selfless giving and heartfelt appreciation.
Have you ever been given a horrible orange sweater with cats on it as a gift and wondered how the giver didn't know that A) you're allergic to cats and B) you hate the color orange? This book will prevent you from becoming that kind of gift giver. As a matter of fact, you will become quite expert at gift giving by keeping in mind some simple rules. Soon you'll be enjoying every gift giving opportunity! It's also a fascinating look at the history of how gift giving became associated with holidays and celebrations such as Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, and weddings.