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"On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very important for familes to eat together. . . . " Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.
First Published in 2006. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.
Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover: * How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy) * Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don't hate them because they're beautiful when there are so many other reasons to hate them) * EBay addiction and why "It ain't worth having if it ain't on eBay" (Whoa! Is that Willie Nelson's face in your grits?) * Why today's children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues * And so much more! Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon line.
Alanna, the on;y female knight in the kingdom, must come to terms with her identity as a woman when Prince Jonathan proposes marriage.
In his latest triumphant novel, Aaron Latham pits Texas guts against Hollywood glitz when a modern-day cowboy turned screenwriter dusts off his Stetson in order to solve a murder. Chick Goodnight has arrived in Hollywood to write a screenplay about his great-great-great-ever-so-great grandfather Jimmy Goodnight -- the legend who more or less invented the Texas cowboy during the 1870s (and who was featured in Latham's Code of the West and The Cowboy with the Tiffany Gun). As the film's director -- smart and beautiful Hollywood veteran Jamie Stone -- shows Chick how to write for the screen, he finds his quaint Western-inspired code of ethics challenged by an industry in which casting departments pimp for their producers and overzealous method actors feel obliged to seduce their costars. But culture shock becomes the least of Chick's worries when his cousin, a young aspiring actress, dies under suspicious circumstances. Shortly, Chick -- taking a few heroic pages from his own script -- is forced to investigate before someone else meets his maker. As Chick's misadventures take him from Hollywood to Texas and back again, Aaron Latham treats us to a bravura piece in which art imitates life imitating art.
“A book that will stay with you.” -Sherrilyn Kenyon This is the CLEAN VERSION of Dracones Awakening Her father has vanished ... her dragon powers are waking up... ... and Jax refuses to believe they are soulmates. As Tierney unravels the mystery of her dad's disappearance, she discovers a web of secrets, along with one scared kitty. Jax thinks the worst thing that could happen is losing control of the primal power of his dragon that's inside him, especially as it continues to grow stronger each day. What if he harmed someone who doesn't deserve it? Someone like Tierney? Yet, when faced with a malevolent presence that threatens to tear apart their world, Jax realizes there are far worse monsters out there than him. In order to protect all he holds dear, he must make a heart-wrenching decision. For Tierney, he will do anything, but will this decision cost him his life? Don't miss out on this electrifying tale where time ticks away as emotions run high. Grab your copy now and let your heart soar. ★★★★★ Download and discover why readers call this the best, fast-paced, thrilling page-turner with a different take on fantasy and paranormal shifters.
Direct and startlingly intimate, Hussein's stories are set in troubled times - in Karachi, Lahore and London, where war, partition and military rule form the backdrop for the anticipation and anxiety of changing homes and family life, the hopes and failures of love and work. Turquoise illuminates the passions and fears of a world more complex and more beautiful than the media images of Islam and Pakistan convey. 'Hussein's stories are about individuals and their countries of exile, where the world itself is seen as a place of transit ... A moving and highly aesthetic expression of a new sensibility.' Amit Chaudhuri 'Turquoise must be read slowly to savour its many pleasures ... The fluid prose is sometimes simple and pristine, sometimes sinuous and visceral ... The stories' imagery is radiant.' Mary Flanagan, Independent 'The symbolic and intellectual complexity of Hussein's collection is undeniable.' Times Literary Supplement 'This Other Salt will add to the richness and density of writings in English, and help the reader traverse different cultures.' Wasafiri
A practical guide that gets you geared up with proper riding techniques, safety gear, indispensable items for long trips, and handling characteristics of various motorcycle types Few activities offer more fun and excitement than motorcycling, but to get the most out of it, there's a lot you need to know, and that’s where this informative motorcycle guide written in plain English comes in. From buying and maintaining a bike, to riding safely, to finding great places to ride, Motorcycling For Dummies puts you on the road with savvy and style, whether you're new to riding or an experienced motorcyclist. You'll get plenty of help in selecting the right bike and step-by-step instructions on performing routine maintenance tasks. You'll also find out how to develop safe riding habits and, maybe most important of all, you’ll learn more about motorcycling organizations and how to fit in with the biker crowd. Plus, this hands-on resource shows you advanced riding techniques, offers travel tips for long-distance rides, and even helps you get your kids started in motorcycling. Discover how to: Buy a new or used bike Select safe, tough riding gear, from helmet and jacket to boots and pants Get proper training and learn essential riding skills Insure your bike Pass even the toughest licensing test Try your hand at cruising, touring, sports biking, and more Get involved in motorcycle clubs and events Deal with dangers on the road Customize your bike to improve both style and performance This comprehensive guide concludes with a motorcycling glossary, a guide to motorcycling laws by state, and an appendix with plenty of online resources. Complete with lists of can't-miss biking events, legendary motorcyclists, and must-see motorcycling movies, Motorcycling For Dummies gives a whole new meaning to the term "easy rider".