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Christmas is a time of family, stress, love, wanting, resentment, and occasional violence.It's tradition.Frozen turkeys, drunk in-laws, gifts that bite, Santa breaking and entering, death, infidelity?Six short comedies to help you wind down during the holidays.
For everyone who loves the holidays - and those of us who can't wait until they're over - Denis Leary has a special gift this season: Merry F***in' Christmas. This adult parody of a children's book, in the vein of Go The Fuck To Sleep, takes aim at bad presents, drunk Santas, boring relatives, ugly sweaters, greedy kids and all the other things that make December such a pain in the ass. Just like he did in The Ref - the cult classic Christmas film that skewers dysfunctional families - Denis will have you laughing out loud about just how unhappy the holidays can be.
Does the holiday season drive you NUTS? Do you know somebody who'd put Scrooge to shame with their festive grumblings?Merry F*cking Christmas is the perfect antidote to Christmas cheer and festive overload. It's the ideal gift for friends who hate Christmas or year-round grumps!Relax and unwind with:- 20 single-sided coloring pages- 2 mini test images of each coloring page to experiment on- snarky phrases to help you vent your frustration ('how about I KICK you under the mistletoe?', "Silent night... I bloody wish')- a range of beautiful designs, flowers, doodles, and abstract patterns- perfect gift for grumpy friends or secret santaNot suitable for children or the easily offended.
Felix Allsey is a travel writer with a keen eye for the paranormal, and he’s carved out a unique, if only slightly lucrative, niche for himself in nonfiction; he writes travelogues of the country’s most haunted places, after haunting them himself. When he convinces the owner of the infamous Rotterdam Mansion to let him stay on the premises for 13 nights, he believes he’s finally found the location that will bring him a bestseller. As with his other gigs, he sets rules for himself: no leaving the house for any reason, refrain from outside contact, and sleep during the day. When Thomas Ruth, Felix's oldest friend and fellow horror film obsessive, joins him on the project, the two dance around a recent and unspeakably painful rough-patch in their friendship, but eventually fall into their old rhythms of dark humor and movie trivia. That’s when things start going wrong: screams from upstairs, figures in the thresholds, and more than what should be in any basement. Felix realizes the book he’s writing, and his very state of mind, is tilting from nonfiction into all out horror, and the shocking climax answers a question that’s been staring these men in the face all along: In Rotter House, who’s haunting who?
The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition is an activity the entire family will enjoy. Based on the tradition Carol Aebersold began with her family in the 1970s, this cleverly rhymed children's book explains that Santa knows who is naughty and/or nice because he sends a scout elf to every home. During the holiday season, the elf watches children by day and reports to Santa each night. When children awake, the elf has returned from the North Pole and can be found hiding in a different location. This activity allows The Elf on the Shelf to become a delightful hide-and-seek game.
NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat People I want to punch in the throat: • anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer • humblebraggers • people who treat their pets like children Jen Mann doesn’t have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers’ night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a co-worker’s swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book. Praise for People I Want to Punch in the Throat “People I Want to Punch in the Throat is so good that it’ll make you want to adopt all the cats in the world. I’m not sure about the correlation, but it’s that good. It should come with a warning.”—Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened “Jen Mann has an amazing way of telling stories that will make you cringe and burst out laughing at the same time. From swinger parties to racist toddlers, she makes the suburbs unbelievably funny.”—Karen Alpert, author of I Heart My Little A-Holes “Jen Mann says the things we’re all too afraid to say. Her honest and hilarious writing style reminds me of David Sedaris and Tina Fey.”—Robin O’Bryant, author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “Jen Mann’s shrewd and unrelenting assault on the absurdity of suburban life is an honest peek into the occasional nightmare that is part of living the American dream. I love Jen. I wish she was my neighbor. It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who wants to punch almost everyone in the f***ing throat.”—Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink And Swear
Celebrate the holiday season with this hilarious Christmas swear word coloring book for adults, filled with cursing Santas, mean reindeer, sarcastic snowmen, and other holiday-themed illustrations dripping with inappropriate language. With illustrations ranging from simple to complex, this adult coloring book will provide hours of fun and relaxation to help you get through the Christmas season!
A passionate and profane love letter to fall, the best fucking season of the year. Do you get excited at the first brisk breeze of the year? Are you overcome with delight when you see piles of red leaves? Do you lose your fucking mind at a pumpkin patch? At last, the epically funny internet sensation It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers is now a visual tour-de-force, teeming with a cornucopia of perfectly paired photos and seasonal enchantments to make it really fucking sing. Whiffy candles, wicker baskets, motherfucking gourd after gourd, and people going insane they love fall so much? Check! Also included: the equally lifechanging meditation It's Rotting Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers, because all good things must end. Give it to everyone you love, or put it on your fucking coffee table next to a pile of shellacked vegetables to really tie the room together. Perfect for: For anyone who fucking loves fall, and fans of McSweeney's, Go the Fuck to Sleep, Deep Thoughts, the Onion, and the New Yorker.
The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus is a 1902 children's book, written by L. Frank Baum and illustrated by Mary Cowles Clark
Christmas is often thought of as a time of joy and cheer, a time for giving to others, a time of celebration and love.... Well, this year some of the best voices in horror fiction decided to band together and tell you some tales about a different kind of Christmas, so grab yourself a mug of hot chocolate, close the curtains, lock the door and get comfy. This will be a Christmas like never before! Table of Contents: 12 Days (Psychopath Remix) by J.C. Michael (poem) Thy Will be Done by J.C. Michael Tommy's Christmas by John R. Little Naughty or Nice by Veronica Smith Santa's Midnight Feast by J.L. Lane Hung With Care by Ty Schwamberger Santa Came by Peter Oliver Wonder In the Bag by Tim Curran The Christmas Spirit by Lisa Morton The Tome of Bill Cristmas Carol by Rick Gualtieri Killing Christmas by Andrew Lennon All Naughty, No Nice by Michael A. Arnzen A Disappointed Shade of Blue by C.S. Andserson (poem) Stuffed Pig by Steven Murray The Night Before Christmas by Suzanne Fox Better Watch Out by Willow Rose Deck The Halls by Xtina Marie (poem) Christmas Market by Amy Cross Merry Fuckin' Christmas by Kevin J. Kennedy The Veil by Rose Garnett The Last Christmas Dinner by Christina Bergling The Present by Israel Finn Christmas Carole by Lisa Vasquez Slay Bells by Weston Kincade Edited by Brandy Yassa Cover design by Lisa Vasquez