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This is the first book to apply Dr. Ellis's famous Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy principles to intimate relationships. The seven guidelines for better couple communication offered in this user-friendly guide emphasize non-blaming acceptance, integrity, mutual support, appreciation, replacing irrational ideas and expectations with realistic attitudes. An effective resource for couples seeking greater closeness, intimate partners who are willing to make "unilateral" changes, marriage and family therapists -- a breakthrough relationship guide from the father of rational therapy."
Intimate Connections Strengthening the Bond of Love and Understanding Between Couples Discover the secrets to creating a secure and loving environment for your partner with this book. Learn effective techniques to listen attentively and make them feel cherished, relaxed, and understood. Additionally, this book has 41 hands on opportunities to deepen your intimate connection with love and understanding. Have you ever found yourself using or hearing the words "You don't understand me" It has the potential to transform to "Thank you for understanding me" Have you ever found yourself expressing or being exposed to the statement "You just don't get it" It has the ability to evolve to "I'm glad you got it" Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you've spoken or been privy to the words "I don't feel connected" It has the capability to grow to "I love our connection" Have you ever uttered or listened to the phrase "I don't know how I feel" It has the opportunity to be reshaped to "Thanks for helping me to understand how I feel" Have you ever expressed or been told "I want quality time" It has the potential to be transformed into "I appreciate this quality time" Have you ever vocalized or been a recipient of the remark "You don't hear what I am saying" It has the chance to become "It's nice to be heard" For those seeking a path to wellness in their relationship, this book is intended for you. If you've ever found yourself in the frustrating situation of feeling like your words are falling on deaf ears or stepping on emotional landmines, then this book is exactly what you need. Just like how certain foods can provide comfort and relief when you're dehydrated and ill, this book will serve as a refreshing journey that will quench the thirst in your relationship, providing it with the nourishment it needs to thrive and making it feel revitalized and rejuvenated. This book is for individuals who are not in need of a solution but can still reap the benefits. You don't need to be going through the frustrating experience of feeling unheard or the explosive experience of stepping on a metaphorical landmine in order to make progress in the book. Just like how certain foods can provide hydration and nourishment when you're dehydrated and ill, these ingredients can also benefit your body to thrive. Even if you already have a healthy relationship, it's still beneficial to consume these elements to maintain good nourishment, hydration, and overall well-being in your relationship. Instead of waiting until something goes wrong, take the opportunity to nourish your relationship through this journey. By doing so, you not only prevent potential issues from arising but also enhance your relationship to make it even more fulfilling and rewarding. The step-by-step process that will demonstrate how to effectively implement this strategy for both these relationships. This book has pages that will guide you on how to establish an emotional connection and build a deep level of intimacy with your partner in 4 simple steps. The remaining pages of the book will provide you with numerous opportunities to practice and cultivate a beautifully intimate relationship with your partner in the months ahead. It's like a continuous process of growth and improvement, allowing you to strengthen your bond and create a lasting connection. With this book, you'll gain the tools to emotionally connect with your partner and create a truly intimate bond. Don't settle for a surface-level relationship - take the first step towards a deeper connection today. Let this book guide you towards a fulfilling and loving partnership.
"Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together." —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop "Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges." —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection.
Based on twenty-five years of clinical experience and groundbreaking research on more than 1,000 individuals, Feeling Good Together presents an entirely new theory of why we have so much trouble getting along with each other, and provides simple, powerful techniques to make relationships work. We all have someone we can’t get along with—whether it’s a friend or colleague who complains constantly; a relentlessly critical boss; an obnoxious neighbor; a teenager who pouts and slams doors, all the while insisting she’s not upset; or a loving, but irritating spouse. In Feeling Good Together, Dr. David Burns presents Cognitive Interpersonal Therapy, a radical new approach that will help you transform troubled, conflicted relationships into successful, happy ones. Dr. Burns’ method for improving these relationships is easy and surprisingly effective. In Feeling Good Together, you’ll learn how to: - Stop pointing fingers at everyone else and start looking at yourself. - Pinpoint the exact cause of the problem with any person you’re not getting along with. - And solve virtually any kind of relationship conflict almost instantly. Filled with helpful examples and brilliant, user-friendly tools such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Relationship Journal, the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, the Intimacy Exercise, and more, Feeling Good Together will help you enjoy far more loving and satisfying relationships with the people you care about. You deserve rewarding, intimate relationships. Feeling Good Together will show you how.
Early in his career, Dan Beaver discovered that people were never taught how to develop an intimate relationship. We are taught how to read, how to write, drive, play sports, and use a computer. But nowhere in our society are we taught how to develop or maintain an intimate relationship. Most of us learned from TV shows. Some generations were taught by Ozzie and Harriet Nelson or Ward and June Cleaver. Other generations learned from their favorite soap operas, or maybe The Waltons, Cliff and Clair Huxtable, Roseanne, Friends, or 7th Heaven. We now have Desperate Housewives, The O.C., and a multitude of reality shows. Almost everyone learns something about intimacy from their parents, but few had the luxury of learning good skills. Most of us have not. In working with thousands of couples over the past 34 years, Dan heard a common theme from almost everyone: upon committing to a lifelong relationship (marriage, etc.) they were totally unprepared for knowing how to develop and maintain an intimate relationship that lasts a lifetime. Because of his desire to help people, Dan developed a process that enables everyone to create the relationship of their dreams. He delivers information that addresses a major need and fulfills our desire for details on how to have greater fulfillment in an intimate relationship. His passion is to help people; his style is powerful, straightforward, warm, and engaging.--Cover page 4.
A behavioral scientist explores love, belongingness, and fulfillment, focusing on how modern technology can both help and hinder our need to connect. A Next Big Idea Club nominee. Millions of people around the world are not getting the physical, emotional, and intellectual intimacy they crave. Through the wonders of modern technology, we are connecting with more people more often than ever before, but are these connections what we long for? Pandemic isolation has made us even more alone. In Out of Touch, Professor of Psychology Michelle Drouin investigates what she calls our intimacy famine, exploring love, belongingness, and fulfillment and considering why relationships carried out on technological platforms may leave us starving for physical connection. Drouin puts it this way: when most of our interactions are through social media, we are taking tiny hits of dopamine rather than the huge shots of oxytocin that an intimate in-person relationship would provide. Drouin explains that intimacy is not just sex—although of course sex is an important part of intimacy. But how important? Drouin reports on surveys that millennials (perhaps distracted by constant Tinder-swiping) have less sex than previous generations. She discusses pandemic puppies, professional cuddlers, the importance of touch, “desire discrepancy” in marriage, and the value of friendships. Online dating, she suggests, might give users too many options; and the internet facilitates “infidelity-related behaviors.” Some technological advances will help us develop and maintain intimate relationships—our phones, for example, can be bridges to emotional support. Some, on the other hand, might leave us out of touch. Drouin explores both of these possibilities.
First Published in 2003. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.
When you are showered with attention, it can feel incredibly romantic and can blind you to hints of problems ahead. But what happens when attentiveness becomes domination? In some relationships, the desire to control leads to jealousy, threats, micromanaging--even physical violence. If you or someone you care about are trapped in a web of coercive control, this book provides answers, hope, and a way out. Lisa Aronson Fontes draws on both professional expertise and personal experience to help you: *Recognize controlling behaviors of all kinds. *Understand why this destructive pattern occurs. *Determine whether you are in danger and if your partner can change. *Protect yourself and your kids. *Find the support and resources you need. *Take action to improve or end your relationship. *Regain your freedom and independence.
“A beautifully written and well-researched cultural criticism as well as an honest memoir” (Los Angeles Review of Books) from the author of the popular New York Times essay, “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This,” explores the romantic myths we create and explains how they limit our ability to achieve and sustain intimacy. What really makes love last? Does love ever work the way we say it does in movies and books and Facebook posts? Or does obsessing over those love stories hurt our real-life relationships? When her parents divorced after a twenty-eight year marriage and her own ten-year relationship ended, those were the questions that Mandy Len Catron wanted to answer. In a series of candid, vulnerable, and wise essays that takes a closer look at what it means to love someone, be loved, and how we present our love to the world, “Catron melds science and emotion beautifully into a thoughtful and thought-provoking meditation” (Bookpage). She delves back to 1944, when her grandparents met in a coal mining town in Appalachia, to her own dating life as a professor in Vancouver. She uses biologists’ research into dopamine triggers to ask whether the need to love is an innate human drive. She uses literary theory to show why we prefer certain kinds of love stories. She urges us to question the unwritten scripts we follow in relationships and looks into where those scripts come from. And she tells the story of how she decided to test an experiment that she’d read about—where the goal was to create intimacy between strangers using a list of thirty-six questions—and ended up in the surreal situation of having millions of people following her brand-new relationship. “Perfect fodder for the romantic and the cynic in all of us” (Booklist), How to Fall in Love with Anyone flips the script on love. “Clear-eyed and full of heart, it is mandatory reading for anyone coping with—or curious about—the challenges of contemporary courtship” (The Toronto Star).