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There’s a new threat in town – and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless garden decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here. Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defence expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system – Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply – for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognising and interpreting the signs of a gathering horde and – in the event that a secured perimeter is breached – confronting and combating the attackers at close range.
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here. Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeter is breached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.
This is the intriguing story of garden gnomes and how they have come to reside in the flowerbeds of gardens across Britain. Originating in Europe, gnomes made the leap across the channel in the nineteenth century, where they were welcomed warmly by wealthy Brits who saw them as the must-have garden accessory. But the fortunes of the humble gnome were not to last, and they soon found themselves sneered at by serious gardeners. Turned away from fashionable gardens, the little gnomes found a friend in many a working class gardener, who adopted them in increasing numbers, and in a variety of humorous poses. Today, gnomes are as popular with the masses as ever, and this entertaining illustrated history will appeal to those who love, and hate, these small bearded characters.
Compiled from the notes of three zombie gnome experts (among them a Van Helsing-like zombie gnome hunter, a horticulture student, and a gardening columnist), this guide includes a detailed study of zombie gnome habits, hiding places, and offensive tactics, as well as an intimate history of the zombie gnome rise and eventual war with humanity. Empty-eyed, shambling, and hungry for human ankles, the zombie gnome population is on the rise, infesting the backyards of suburbia and attacking innocent lawn ornaments everywhere. While chances of human survival are minimal, readers can arm themselves with The Zombie Gnome Defense Guide to combat their tiny, undead enemies. Offering strategies for defense against a zombie gnome invasion, the book provides an extensive list of essential weapons and DIY home-fortification tips. Rare illustrations of zombie gnomes in their natural habitat and a priceless collection of never-before-seen photos (housed in an envelope in the back of the book) make this the go-to guide for survivalists in a zombie gnome-infested world.
Living the Promises is a personal, warm 365 reader includes quotes and exhortations, celebrations and lists of gratitude's, and all manner of real-life inspirations. Each month begins with a promise and each day explores that promise. Jenifer Madson shares her ongoing story of recovery: what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now, not with "drunkalogues," but with stories and sayings and strategies that will help you or someone you know get sober, stay sober, and live a life of joy. Living the Promises is the first meditation book to be based specifically on the 12 promises of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and is the perfect daily guide for anyone in recovery seeking peace and healing. Among those promises are: "We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change."--From The Promises, Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism, 3rd ed.
Help is on the way! In the tradition of Lemony Snicket and Roald Dahl, Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop shows how to banish those pesky dark Fairy creatures who are ready to thwart every last pleasure, be it gardening, country hikes, or even getting a good night’s sleep. In this charming guide, "fairy hunter" Reginald Bakeley offers practical instructions to clear your home and garden of these unsettling inhabitants, and banish them from your chicken coop and kitchen cupboard forever! In Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop readers will discover: Why a bustle in one’s hedgerow may be cause for alarm Why a garden fumigator may come in handy on evenings at the pub Why a toy merchant, a butcher, and a Freemason are among your best allies in the fight against the fey Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop is the only complete manual on how to identify, track, defend, and destroy those bothersome brownies, goblins, dwarves, scheming flowerfairies, and other nasty members of the fairy realm.
A taxonomy we didn’t know we needed for identifying and cataloging stray shopping carts by artist and photographer Julian Montague. Abandoned shopping carts are everywhere, and yet we know so little about them. Where do they come from? Why are they there? Their complexity and history baffle even the most careful urban explorer. Thankfully, artist Julian Montague has created a comprehensive and well-documented taxonomy with The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America. Spanning thirty-three categories from damaged, fragment, and plow crush to plaza drift and bus stop discard, it is a tonic for times defined increasingly by rhetoric and media and less by the plain objects and facts of the real world. Montague’s incomparable documentation of this common feature of the urban landscape helps us see the natural and man-made worlds—and perhaps even ourselves—anew. First published in 2006 to great perplexity and acclaim alike, Montague’s book now appears in refreshed and expanded form. Told in an exceedingly dry voice, with full-color illustrations and photographs throughout, it is both rigorous and absurd, offering a strangely compelling vision of how we approach, classify, and understand the environments around us. A new afterword sheds light on the origins of the project.
Fans of Mo Willems and Dev Petty's I Don't Want to Be a Frog will love this humorous tale about one gnome's journey to prove he is unlike the other magical creatures in the forest. Join Gnome (that's spelled G-N-O-M-E--don't ask why the G is silent!) as he travels through the magical forest to attend the annual Gnome Festival. Along the way he encounters elves, dwarves, trolls, and fairies. But don't be mistaken. He is NOTHING like those magical creatures. Well, maybe he is . . . but only a little bit! When Gnome finally arrives at the festival, he realizes that all the traits he thought made gnomes different from the others actually made them alike--and that's just fine.
Looks at the problem of dog overpopulation in America; discusses the role of puppy mills, pet stores, and independent breeders; and includes a profile of a local animal shelter.
Creating a platform isn't just beneficial--it's essential! In today's world of blogging, websites, Twitter feeds, and Facebook updates, building a writer platform from the ground up can seem a daunting task. Never fear--author and editor Chuck Sambuchino provides expert, practical advice for increasing your visibility, selling more books, and launching a successful career. In Create Your Writer Platform, you'll learn: • The definition of a platform--and why you should start building one now. • How to harness the 12 Fundamental Principles of Platform. • "Old School" and "New School" approaches to platform, from article writing and conference speaking to website development, blog posts, and social media avenues. • How to develop a platform for nonfiction, fiction, and memoir. In addition to Chuck's invaluable insights, you'll also find 12 case studies from authors with effective platforms, as well as professional advice from literary agents. If you're serious about building a platform tailored to you and your writing--a platform that's going to help you succeed as a writer--look no further than Create Your Writer Platform.