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What do you get when you take the amazing GONE GIRL story, replace the lame anniversary treasure hunts with deadly SAW movie-esque traps and have all the craziness investigated by lunatic detectives channeling the ones from the television show THE KILLING? You get an unputdownable and hilarious parody of EPIC proportions. Don’t miss it! Marriage can be a real nightmare; especially when your wife is a sociopath, who's either trying to kill you, frame you for her disappearance or maybe even both. Supported by his sister whose own behavior is inappropriate at best, a pair of lunatic detectives and in-laws with questionable motives, Rick Dunce tries to navigate the tricky waters of exactly how one should act when the woman he absolutely can’t stand disappears without a trace. If this Husband-of-the-Year is truly responsible, did he act in self-defense or did one too many bizarre quiz questions or inane treasure hunt clues finally push him over the edge? Whether Winnie is missing, dead or just hiding out, the only thing that's certain is she's so far gone that it's not even funny— except that it is. A parody of, Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn's acclaimed and runaway bestselling masterpiece, So Far Gone, Girl, will leave you doubled over with laughter, gasping for breath and checking to see if your own ottoman can really balance on its side like that. What readers are saying... "... there are some great one-liners... And that ending was great. I think it's the ending a lot of us hoped for, but didn't get, in GONE GIRL" - Nenia Campbell (The Armchair Librarian) "... kept me glued to the pages in elated hilarity. From the first line, I was cracking up, and that didn't relent almost the entire time." - Hayden Casey (The Teen Bookworm) "... I started laughing the first page and never stopped. I've read the original and let me tell you, while I was shocked and couldn't stop reading about that crazy wife and the insane thing she did, nothing compares to Luke Young's version. I really enjoyed this story. A great read!"
"Amy? Hello?" I went inside and searched the entire place.Amy was gone.Hooray!!!!!***Meet Nick. He's kind of dumb. Meet his wife, Amy. She's kind of a bitch. One day Amy goes missing. What happened? Find out...in GONE BITCH!GONE BITCH is the hilarious new parody of Gone Girl which will have you on the edge of your seat AND rolling on the floor. All your favorite characters from Gone Girl are here...but way funnier!First off, there's NICK. Nick doesn't seem particularly upset that his wife is missing, or particularly anxious to find her. But he is perfectly willing to stop by the searches for Amy...because he can try to pick up girls there using lines like, "I'd like to search YOUR woods." Nick also loves lying to the police. For example, Nick's alibi for the morning Amy disappeared is that he was hang gliding, taking a karate lesson, and shooting a major motion picture with Keanu Reeves.There's also AMY, Nick's wife. Amy is basically the worst person ever. Which is unsurprising, since she's a really hot girl. Therefore her one goal in life is to make her hot girlfriends jealous, no matter what it takes. Would Amy really stoop so low as to frame Nick for murder just to make her hot girlfriends jealous? If you don't know the answer, then you haven't hung out with enough really hot girls.There's GO, Nick's sister. Go makes out with Nick a lot, but don't get the wrong idea: they are NOT having sex. (Although they do get to third base once in a while.)There's RAND and MARYBETH, Amy's parents, whose "Idiotic Amy" book series chronicles the embarrassing moments of Idiotic Amy, a girl who looks suspiciously like Amy and does embarrassing things suspiciously like things Amy has done. The books have been a huge success, with millions of girls worldwide buying volumes like "Idiotic Amy Wets The Bed" and "Idiotic Amy and the Guy She Had Sex With and Never Called Her Again".There's DESI COLLINGS, who's been stuck in the friend zone with Amy since kindergarten. Desi still hopes that one day Amy will come around and want to take things to another level, but tragically, he fails to realize that no guy ever escapes from the friend zone.And don't forget BONEY and GILPIN, the detectives investigating Amy's disappearance. They strongly suspect the "crime scene" in Nick's living room is fake, because it's pretty hard for a grand piano to flip upside down accidentally.With every page of GONE BITCH the tension builds:Will Nick go to jail?Will Amy ever return?Will Nick ever get over his diarrhea from eating a search volunteer's Frito pie?You'll want to keep reading to find out what happens, but you might not be able to stop laughing long enough to do so!Before you see the movie, read the book...that makes fun of the movie!Get GONE BITCH today!
A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.
It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature . . . Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain. . . . that is until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat.
Everyone knows about the immaculate conception and the crucifixion. But what happened to Jesus between the manger and the Sermon on the Mount? In this hilarious and bold novel, the acclaimed Christopher Moore shares the greatest story never told: the life of Christ as seen by his boyhood pal, Biff. Just what was Jesus doing during the many years that have gone unrecorded in the Bible? Biff was there at his side, and now after two thousand years, he shares those good, bad, ugly, and miraculous times. Screamingly funny, audaciously fresh, Lamb rivals the best of Tom Robbins and Carl Hiaasen, and is sure to please this gifted writer’s fans and win him legions more.
Take a ride to southern California and experience CHYNNA CLUGSTON FLORES' screwball dark comedy classic in FULL COLOR. A love letter to mod and scooter culture, SCOOTER GIRL is the story of Ashton Archer, the Vespa-riding, swanky suit-wearing man about town who has it all. That is, until lightning strikes when the girl of his dreams motors right past him on her Lambretta, causing him to lose it all. Convinced that her presence and antagonization has ruined his life, Ashton sets out to end the black curse put upon him by any means necessary.
A passionate and profane love letter to fall, the best fucking season of the year. Do you get excited at the first brisk breeze of the year? Are you overcome with delight when you see piles of red leaves? Do you lose your fucking mind at a pumpkin patch? At last, the epically funny internet sensation It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers is now a visual tour-de-force, teeming with a cornucopia of perfectly paired photos and seasonal enchantments to make it really fucking sing. Whiffy candles, wicker baskets, motherfucking gourd after gourd, and people going insane they love fall so much? Check! Also included: the equally lifechanging meditation It's Rotting Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers, because all good things must end. Give it to everyone you love, or put it on your fucking coffee table next to a pile of shellacked vegetables to really tie the room together. Perfect for: For anyone who fucking loves fall, and fans of McSweeney's, Go the Fuck to Sleep, Deep Thoughts, the Onion, and the New Yorker.
"If you are reading this, then I am gone and this manuscript, per my instruction, has been delivered to the writer Chelsea Cain for publication as she sees fit . . ." America's favorite girl detective is back to set the record straight. According to our titian-haired heroine, she was not a fictional character, but an intrepid real-life sleuth who investigated some of the twentieth century's biggest mysteries. And the famous series she starred in was not cooked up by a team of writers, but plagiarized from her exploits by a nosy college roommate-who, not surprisingly, got a whole lot wrong. Here are the daring escapes, brilliant hunches, and dependable stock characters, including interlopers from numerous other beloved series, that have delighted generations of fans. And here, also, are the details of teen-sleuth life that you never saw: the secret romances, reckless driving, minor drinking problems, political action, and domestic drama that have, up till now, remained hidden from these brave detectives' adoring public.
'HOLY WOOD IS A DIFFERENT SORT OF PLACE . . . HERE, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE IMPORTANT.' A new phenomenon is taking over the Discworld: moving pictures. Created by the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork, the growing 'clicks' industry moves to the sandy land of Holy Wood, attracted by the light of the sun and some strange calling no one can quite put their finger on... Also drawn to Holy Wood are aspiring young stars Victor Tugelbend, a wizarding student dropout, and Theda 'Ginger' Withel, a small-town girl with big dreams. But behind the glitz and glamour of the clicks, a sinister presence lurks. Because belief is powerful in the Discworld, and sometimes downright dangerous... The magic of movies might just unravel reality itself. 'Funny, delightfully inventive, and refuses to lie down in its genre' - Observer The Discworld novels can be read in any order but Moving Pictures is a standalone.
Libby Day was just seven years old when her brother massacred her family while she hid in a cupboard. Ever since then she has been drifting, but now the money is running out. When she is offered $500 to do a guest appearance, she feels she has to accept, unaware that the infamous Kill Club's members believe her brother was innocent.