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We are two years aboard the Trump Train(wreck). Burrito Mussolini a/k/a Crappy Gilmore, a/k/a the Kumquat Pol Pot remains an arrogant, bloated, bullying, orange, obtuse, seditious, simpleminded, syphilitic, treasonous, traitorous, tiny-handed tyrant. This sequel to the beloved "Goodnight Loon: Poems & Parodies to Survive the Trump Presidency" is an all-new collection of original parodies that will have you singing along, together with goodnight poems lampooning the Tangerine Traitor and his "best people".
After royally bumbling her debut appearance on a New York runway, Slovenian fashion model Victoria Dolinar finds herself enraptured by the real estate tycoon and billionaire Auric Orange, a man who makes great deals. In fact, some of the best deals. At least, that's what people are saying. Auric literally sweeps Victoria off her feet as he takes her in his helicopter from Orange Tower 1 to Orange Tower 2. But does he just want her as an eager sex kitten? Will Victoria sign his MOGUL-MODEL contract? Or will Auric break down and admit that he loves her and finally take her shopping? This hilarious parody is filled with page-turning excitement. You'll also meet Auric's business partner Vladimir Novikov, and find out whether or not they close their big deal. (You'll die laughing when you find out what it is!) And you'll learn the answer to a slew of other nail-biting teasers: Will Auric's driver Rudy ever stop talking about 9/11? Will his buddy Igor ever hook up with Victoria's roommate Brittany Kavanaugh? And what secrets lie hidden inside Auric's playground? "Oh my Gawd! What are those googles for?!" You won't believe your eyes when you find out what happens! "This book was hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing!" --Sara G. "Sur fleek, magnifique!" --Hillary R.
Dripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, Holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and more, more, more! Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on. “I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. “I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something—what? Something delicious. So begins the adventures of Miss Chicken, a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James’s sensational Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Like Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef. And before long, from unbearably slow drizzling to trussing, Miss Chicken discovers the sheer thrill of becoming the main course. A parody in three acts—“The Novice Bird” (easy recipes for roasters), “Falling to Pieces” (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and “Advanced Techniques” (the climax of cooking)—Fifty Shades of Chicken is a cookbook of fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken dishes that will leave you hungry for more. With memorable tips and revealing photographs, Fifty Shades of Chicken will have you dominating dinner.
From the New York Times bestselling author of the Thursday Next series comes a “laugh-out-loud funny” (Los Angeles Times) and “brilliantly original” (Booklist, starred review) novel of a man attempting to navigate a color-coded world. “A rich brew of dystopic fantasy and deadpan goofiness.”—The Washington Post Welcome to Chromatacia, where the Colortocracy rules society through a social hierarchy based on one’s limited color perception. In this world, you are what you can see. Eddie Russet wants to move up. When he and his father relocate to the backwater village of East Carmine, his carefully cultivated plans to leverage his better-than-average red perception and marry into a powerful family are quickly upended. Eddie must content with lethal swans, sneaky Yellows, inviolable rules, an enforced marriage to the hideous Violet deMauve, and a risky friendship with an intriguing Grey named Jane who shows Eddie that the apparent peace of his world is as much an illusion as color itself. Will Eddie be able to tread the fine line between total conformity—accepting the path, partner, and career delineated by his hue—and his instinctive curiosity that is bound to get him into trouble?
It was 1972. It was summer - and the living was easy! Arthur Jackson has a good job, no ties and no responsibilities, but it is not enough - he wants adventure and he wants to see the world!Based on the author's real life experiences and illustrated with photographs from the time, Fifty Shades of Tarmac tells the fictional story of how a naive young British truck driver obtains his first job driving a Mack on the continent of Europe. His first trip with all its pitfalls and novel experiences takes him from Rotterdam to Bremerhaven via Moutiers and Salzburg and then back to Rotterdam. It is told with humour, introducing a number of colourful characters, and providing a personal and unusual insight into the life of a truck driver in the 70s at a time when Europe still had frontier posts and custom restrictions.It will be of interest to truck drivers, Mack fans and other transport enthusiasts and those who simply want to learn more about the social history of Europe in the 1970s.
"Fifty Shades of Greyhound gives 'roll over and play dead' a whole new meaning!"--Ethel Merman & Ella Fitzgerald, canine companions to award-winning author, Holly Jacobs It was a killer party. Caro Lamont, Laguna Beach's favorite pet therapist, is thrilled to support the elite fundraising gala for Greys Matter, a SoCal greyhound rescue group. All the guests in the couture-attired crowd are clad in varying shades of grey, the champagne and donations are flowing, and there are fifty gorgeous greyhounds in attendance. But before the evening ends, a stranger in their midst is dead. Caro sets out to help the rescue group find the identity of the mystery guest but soon finds herself in the doghouse with homicide detective, Judd Malone--oh, and federal agent, John Milner. When there's a second death, Caro is convinced she's on the track of someone who wants a secret to stay buried, but it's a race to see whether Caro can uncover the truth before the killer decides she's next.
This rich collection of essays by an international group of authors explores a wide range of commentaries on ancient Latin and Greek texts. It pays particular attention to individual commentaries, national traditions of commentary, the part played by commentaries in the reception of classical texts, and the role of printing and publishing.
OFFICIAL MOVIE TIE-IN EDITION, INCLUDES BONUS MATERIAL A special edition of E L James's #1 New York Times bestselling novel, Fifty Shades Darker, that includes her own photos and caption commentary from the making of the film. "I rest my head against him, and he kisses my hair repeatedly. This is home. He smells of linen, fabric softener, bodywash, and my favorite smell—Christian. For a moment, I allow myself the illusion that all will be well, and it soothes my ravaged soul." Daunted by the singular tastes and dark secrets of the beautiful, tormented young entrepreneur Christian Grey, Anastasia Steele has broken off their relationship to start a new career with a Seattle publishing house. But desire for Christian still dominates her every waking thought, and when he proposes a new arrangement, Anastasia cannot resist. They rekindle their searing sensual affair, and Anastasia learns more about the harrowing past of her damaged, driven and demanding Fifty Shades. While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her, and make the most important decision of her life. Discover the world of Fifty Shades of Grey: An Instant #1 New York Times Bestseller More than 165 Million Copies Sold Worldwide One of 100 Great Reads in the Great American Read 133 Weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List This book is intended for mature audiences.
In Christian's own words, and through his thoughts, reflections, and dreams, E L James offers a fresh perspective on the love story that has enthralled millions of readers around the world. All three books in the phenomenally bestselling Fifty Shades trilogy. Grey CHRISTIAN GREY exercises control in all things; his world is neat, disciplined, and utterly empty - until the day that Anastasia Steele falls into his office, in a tangle of shapely limbs and tumbling brown hair. He tries to forget her, but instead is swept up in a storm of emotion he cannot comprehend and cannot resist. Unlike any woman he has known before, shy, unworldly Ana seems to see right through him - past the business prodigy and the penthouse lifestyle to Christian's cold, wounded heart. Will being with Ana dispel the horrors of his childhood that haunt Christian every night? Or will his dark sexual desires, his compulsion to control, and the self-loathing that fills his soul drive this girl away and destroy the fragile hope she offers him? Darker Their scorching, sensual affair ended in heartbreak and recrimination, but Christian Grey cannot get Anastasia Steele out of his mind, or his blood. Determined to win her back, he tries to suppress his darkest desires and his need for complete control, and to love Ana on her own terms. But the horrors of his childhood still haunt him, and Ana's scheming boss, Jack Hyde, clearly wants her for himself. Can Christian's confidant and therapist, Dr. Flynn, help him face down his demons? Or will the possessiveness of Elena, his seducer, and the deranged devotion of Leila, his former submissive, drag Christian down into the past? And if Christian does win Ana back, can a man so dark and damaged ever hope to keep her? Freed You are cordially invited to the wedding of the decade, when Christian Grey will make Anastasia Steele his wife. But is he really husband material? His dad is unsure, his brother wants to organise one helluva bachelor party, and his fiancée won't vow to obey . . . And marriage brings its own challenges. Their passion for each other burns hotter and deeper than ever, but Ana's defiant spirit continues to stir Christian's darkest fears and tests his need for control. As old rivalries and resentments endanger them both, one misjudgement threatens to tear them apart. Can Christian overcome the nightmares of his childhood and the torments of his youth, and save himself? And once he's discovered the truth of his origins, can he find forgiveness and accept Ana's unconditional love? Can Christian finally be freed?