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The author, raised as Jehovah's Witness, outlines the challenges of leaving the sect and provides valuable advice to others who have recently, or wish to leave.
I'm Perfect, You're Doomed is the story of Kyria Abrahams's coming-of-age as a Jehovah's Witness -- a doorbell-ringing "Pioneer of the Lord." Her childhood was haunted by the knowledge that her neighbors and schoolmates were doomed to die in an imminent fiery apocalypse; that Smurfs were evil; that just about anything you could buy at a yard sale was infested by demons; and that Ouija boards -- even if they were manufactured by Parker Brothers -- were portals to hell. Never mind how popular you are when you hand out the Watchtower instead of candy at Halloween. When Abrahams turned eighteen, things got even stranger. That's when she found herself married to a man she didn't love, with adultery her only way out. "Disfellowshipped" and exiled from the only world she'd ever known, Abrahams realized that the only people who could save her were the very sinners she had prayed would be smitten by God's wrath. Raucously funny, deeply unsettling, and written with scorching wit and deep compassion, I'm Perfect, You're Doomed explores the ironic absurdity of growing up believing that nothing matters because everything's about to be destroyed.
In an age and culture that places high value on personal freedom, it is shocking to discover how many intelligent, competent people find themselves caught in the suffocating, sticky webs of oppressive, high-control groups. Coercive, manipulative organizations can include groups such as: extremist fundamentalist sects, terrorist organizations, radical political movements, polygamist communes, human trafficking rings, doomsday cults, multi-marketing schemes, criminal gangs, and so many more. When brave souls dare to leave such high-control groups, they exit needing to reclaim their life, mind, identity, autonomy, emotional equilibrium and to heal the wounds that result from being manipulated, coerced, abused and exploited. The Challenge to Heal is designed to help anyone recover from the inevitable consequences of losing control over one's life - consequences such as issues with self-esteem, anger, learned helplessness, depression, fear, guilt, self-recrimination, psychosomatic ailments, to name but a few. Chapters in this unique recovery guide cover topics such as: understanding and managing the predictable challenges of breaking with a once valued belief system, Utopian goals, and fellow group members; learning to cope with the difficult emotions that will arise; dealing with gui
"A fascinating glimpse into the consciousness of being an outsider in every possible way, and what it takes to find your path into the life you'd like to lead."--Nylon A riveting memoir of losing faith and finding freedom while a covert missionary in one of the world's most restrictive countries. A third-generation Jehovah's Witness, Amber Scorah had devoted her life to sounding God's warning of impending Armageddon. She volunteered to take the message to China, where the preaching she did was illegal and could result in her expulsion or worse. Here, she had some distance from her community for the first time. Immersion in a foreign language and culture--and a whole new way of thinking--turned her world upside down, and eventually led her to lose all that she had been sure was true. As a proselytizer in Shanghai, using fake names and secret codes to evade the authorities' notice, Scorah discreetly looked for targets in public parks and stores. To support herself, she found work at a Chinese language learning podcast, hiding her real purpose from her coworkers. Now with a creative outlet, getting to know worldly people for the first time, she began to understand that there were other ways of seeing the world and living a fulfilling life. When one of these relationships became an "escape hatch," Scorah's loss of faith culminated in her own personal apocalypse, the only kind of ending possible for a Jehovah's Witness. Shunned by family and friends as an apostate, Scorah was alone in Shanghai and thrown into a world she had only known from the periphery--with no education or support system. A coming of age story of a woman already in her thirties, this unforgettable memoir examines what it's like to start one's life over again with an entirely new identity. It follows Scorah to New York City, where a personal tragedy forces her to look for new ways to find meaning in the absence of religion. With compelling, spare prose, Leaving the Witness traces the bittersweet process of starting over, when everything one's life was built around is gone.
People who have been subjected to exploitation, isolation and thought control in a cult and who work up the courage to leave, do so with many psychological and emotional wounds. Many of them seek out therapy to help recover from the damaging after-effects. Unfortunately, cult victims often report that therapists just do not seem to 'get' all that they endured in the cult, and all the challenges they face once out of the cult. In fact, many cult victims abandon therapy, feeling that their therapist just did not understand the the degree to which they had been controlled, repressed, exploited and abused. Many recount that they felt their experience seemed to be discounted as something they just needed to put behind them. Due to the advent of the Internet and the easy access to information it provides, more and more cult members are discovering just how much they have been deceived, coerced and abused. As they make their exit from high-control groups, extremist religions and cults, a whole new psychotherapy client population is looking for help to recover their emotional well-being, intellectual independence and ability to function in the world outside of the cult. Since most psychologists and psychotherapists do not receive much, if any, instruction about cult dynamics and the destructive effects of such intrusive dynamics on cult members, therapists may be ill-equipped to truly understand and help this unique and growing client population. With this book, Bonnie Zieman, a former cult member, a recently retired psychotherapist, and the author of four other books on recovery from high-control abuse, provides a useful reference tool for therapists who need to inform themselves about cult abuse and its aftermath. This one-of-a-kind book offers a summary outline of typical cult controls and the probable resulting effects on those subjected to them. Therapists can use this book as a primer to bring themselves up to speed on the topic - until such time as they decide if they want to take more formal training in order to help former cult members reclaim their authentic self and rebuild a self-directed life.
Jehovah's Witnesses, well known for their enthusiastic evangelism, are a global religious movement boasting over 8 million members. Despite being a familiar sight on doorsteps and street corners, little is known about their doctrines and practices. What are their expectations regarding Armageddon, and who do they believe will survive? How do they justify their ban on blood transfusions? What happens to members who decide to leave? In this remarkably candid part-memoir, part-history guide, former Witness Lloyd Evans comprehensively explores the religion of his upbringing, charting the organization's metamorphosis from unassuming 19th Century brethren to global brand in the modern age. The Witness rules on sex are dissected, as are their far-reaching ramifications on the private lives of millions of devotees. Evans also delves into the controversies surrounding child abuse and the prohibition on blood transfusions with the aid of first hand accounts from those who have been personally impacted. Intertwined with the historical narrative and commentary is the story of the author's journey from devout Witness youth to outspoken ex-Witness activist and atheist. Evans lays bare the circumstances leading to his "awakening" with startling honesty and reveals how the heartbreaking loss of his mother played a profound role in keeping long-held doubts suppressed. In the final chapters, the author discusses the various means by which Witnesses are controlled by their leadership. Evans analyzes the role of shunning (disfellowshipping) and the stigmatization of "apostates" in enforcing loyalty among Witnesses, and reflects on the indifference of society in general to human rights violations by high-control groups. The phenomenon of fundamentalist brainwashing, or "undue influence," is also scrutinized, and those in search of a new life free from its pervasive effects are given reasons for hope. Rather than being a sensationalist rant by an embittered ex-member, The Reluctant Apostate offers a relaxed, good-humored tour of Witness history and teachings supported by extensive references (to be found in the "Notes" section). Though written predominantly with the non-Witness reader in mind, special boxes are also provided for Jehovah's Witness readers. Reviews "Both memoir and reference book, Lloyd Evans' work is an extensive compilation of Jehovah's Witness history and theology. In his honest and exhaustively researched expose, Evans has written what is sure to be the most important book on the religion in this century. The Reluctant Apostate is a must-read for Jehovah's Witnesses and anyone else who has been touched by the faith." -Scott Terry, author of Cowboys, Armageddon and the Truth "Insight only an 'insider' can bring to a subject difficult to understand for those who have never been part of this world, and unthinkable to contemplate for those inside its bubble. Lloyd does a magnificent job of speaking to both audiences and everyone in between. Compassion for the plight of those still held captive bleeds through every page." -Mike Rinder, former senior executive of the Church of Scientology, as featured on the A&E series Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath "A compelling and informative window on the world of the Jehovah's Witnesses that will be a vital and life changing resource for former members and many others too in forming an authentic understanding of this group, its beliefs, methods and effects on individuals and families." -Professor Rod Dubrow-Marshall, Ph.D. Co-Editor International Journal of Cultic Studies and co-founder RETIRN UK Dr. Linda Dubrow-Marshall, Ph.D. Co-founder RETIRN UK
Describes the psychological techniques cults use to indoctrinate their members and discusses deprogramming.
Many studies have been published about the effects of shunning or ostracism on the person shunned but there are few books, if any, written specifically to offer help to the individual suffering from this sort of inhumane treatment. Granted there are books about how to cope with being bullied and/or marginalized in the workplace or at school. This book, however, directs its help to people who are subjected to mandated, open-ended shunning by religions, quasi-religions, cults and other extreme groups. Mandated shunning requires that members of a group reject, ignore, isolate and refuse to associate with, or even talk to the person "marked" by the group's leadership. Members of these groups or cults are expected to shun members of their own families if they dare to question dogma or refuse to participate in certain group activities or practices. Enforced ostracism removes all sense of belonging and community from the person ostracized. Mandated shunning weaponizes a person's need for belonging against them. It is an anti-social punishment that has been the cause of much suffering, including many attempted suicides and successful suicides. This book, of course, cannot remove the mandate for shunning against a person, but it will give the person many ways to cope with the psychological and emotional effects of being rejected and disowned. Readers will learn how to restore an inner sense of safety, security, and calm after losing family, friends and resources normally supplied by community. This book will also explain how simple strategies can down-regulate the fight/flight or freeze states of the autonomic nervous system when one loses all access to beloved family members. Due to the adversity and stress of mandated shunning, many who suffer under its merciless application suffer from anxiety, panic, anger, guilt, depression, and suicidal ideation. This book offers helpful techniques to cope with and minimize these debilitating effects of having family and friends arbitrarily torn away. Anyone being ostracized will experience social isolation for a while. This book offers many practical suggestions on how to reach out and build a new social network. There are many things that can be done while being subjected to prolonged shunning to cope with the loneliness and grief and to learn how to create a meaningful life. This survival guide is designed for former members of groups that shun such as The Church of Scientology, The Amish, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, FLDS, Hasidism, Islam, etc., etc. It matters not which group is excluding and shunning you - the strategies to deal with the isolation, grief, trauma, and despair are the same. If you find yourself alone and lonely suffering under this cruel practice of shunning, this book can act as a companion and survival guide. Many of us have survived shunning and are now thriving despite still being shunned. SHUNNED: A Survival Guide will help you survive and thrive too.
Jehovah's Witnesses number into the millions globally and are well known for their public evangelism about God's kingdom. But beneath the facade of brotherly love and organizational unity lies a captive organization in which doubts are stifled and dissent is ruthlessly crushed. Once a Witness stops believing, they face being ostracized as a loathed "mentally diseased" apostate. They must navigate a labyrinth of obstacles and dilemmas due to the organization's cruel policy of shunning former members. Lloyd Evans is a well known ex-Witness writer and activist, and in his second book he draws on his firsthand, insider knowledge as a former elder to guide would-be escapees through the minefield that awaits them. How should elders be dealt with? What resources are available for objective research? What should someone do if they are threatened with judicial action? What about coming clean to family members? How does someone go about rebuilding their social circle? What precautions should be taken to maintain privacy when browsing apostate material online? All these questions and more are answered in How to Escape From Jehovah's Witnesses, described by Paul Grundy of JWfacts.com as "an invaluable tool in helping [former Witnesses] move on as efficiently and painlessly as possible."