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'You better not let your mom hear you saying that.' Translation: I'm too tired to discipline you for a small infraction like a cuss word, especially since you probably learned that word from me. Just don't try it in front of your mother or we'll both be sorry!" Cathy Hamilton's handy reference decodes Dad's idiomatic sayings that are often evoked to cajole, shame, motive, inspire, threaten, or bewilder his offspring.
"Contains hundreds of quotes from various celebrities, writers, athletes, politicians, and others about fathers and fatherhood. The quotes range from funny and elegant to poignant and insightful"--
Packed with embarrassing anecdotes, true stories, jokes, sayings - all the wonderful and cringeworthy things dads do and say that make us all sigh and groan.
Jim Gaffigan never imagined he would have his own kids. Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies." Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so he's now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat. From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists"). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.
A gift-appropriate story for kids features a long-suffering boy's eye-rolling observations of his father's bombastic and often corny sense of humor, which is comprised of groan-out-loud puns and wisecracking rejoinders.
About this book and What's in it for you A comprehensive guide filled with opportunities for you to control and improve how your life's path plays out for you Learn how to intentionally choose what you think and empower yourself with better thought selection Practical advice on applying simple, doable principles - from making purposeful choices to the joys and successes experienced from mindful, productive thinking - that works every time you choose to use Gives insight into the troubles that come from negative, unproductive thinking and offers fun tips plus powerful messages that will change and improve the quality of your life for the rest of your life Unique illustrations and examples help you to expand your thoughts to higher ground automatically allowing more positive, productive thoughts What Are You Thinking? Is more than a one time read: It becomes your personal reference book for a more creative, exciting life. A book to share with family and friends Bottom Line - When you apply the principles found in What Are You Thinking?, you will always be glad you did. When you don't, you will always wish you had! A book Simply written with a Powerful message
Developing a Security Training Program focuses on how to establish a comprehensive training program for a security department from the ground up. This book highlights formal curriculum development, consistent and continual training, and the organizational benefits including how such security training will be a value-add. It’s long overdue for the industry to revisit old security training models from the past — to both general staff as well as to the dedicated security staff and professionals within organizations — and examine and revamp such with a fresh perspective. Given the current, dynamic environment for businesses — and the threats businesses face — it is important that any such training consider all procedures and policies, and be fully integrated into the company culture. This includes maintaining an eye on budgetary and financial costs while recognizing the need to budget for more training resources to maintain resilience and adaptability to current challenges and future changes to the environment. There is only one way to prepare your staff and that is through comprehensive and consistent training. Developing a Security Training Program provides the blueprint and tools for professionals to provide ongoing, targeted, and comprehensive security training at a low, budget-friendly cost.
“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
Inspiration for the motion picture streaming on Pure Flix! Drawing on her thirty years' experience practicing pediatric and adolescent medicine, teen health expert Dr. Meg Meeker explains why an active father figure is maybe the single most important factor in a young woman's development. In this invaluable guide, Meeker shows how a father can be both counsel and protector for his daughter as she grows into a spiritually and mentally strong young woman. From cradling his newborn to walking her down the aisle, a father must relish his paramount responsibility—guiding the course of his daughter’s life. Meeker reveals • how a man can become a "strong father" • how a father's guidance influences every part of a woman's life, from her self-respect to her perspective on drugs, alcohol, and sex • how to lay down ground rules that are respected without creating distance in your relationship with your daughter • why you need to be your daughter's hero • the mistakes most fathers make and their serious consequences • how to help daughters make their own good decisions and avoid disastrous mistakes • how a father's faith will influence his daughter's spiritual development • how to get through to you daughter, even during her toughest don't-talk-to-me years • true stories of daughters who were on the wrong path—and how their fathers helped to bring them back Learn how to grow, strengthen, or rebuild your relationship with your daughter to better both your life and hers in the bestselling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.