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It's the dark and seedy side of Christmas that you didn't know about. A Christmas underworld where Santa gets dominated by peppermint women and Frosty is a transvestite stripper. There's elf sluts, toy orgies, and giant flesh-eating Christmas crabs that shoot lasers. That's right. Lasers. It's the holiday season, bitches, so strap on your sugar plum ball gag, bend yourself over the Yule log, and get ready for Kris Kringle to shove some Christmas cheer up your ass!
What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause. What type of music do Santas elves love? Wrap music! What do you call a kangaroo wearing a Santa hat? A Christmas jumper!
"This book details the struggle through misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis, the search for answers to what "gluten free" really means, additional medical issues along with celiac disease, and a connection between her past life of disordered eating to her new medically restricted diet"--Back cover.
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A classic tale for modern times from a beloved storyteller, John Grisham offers a hilarious look at the chaos and frenzy that have become part of our holiday tradition. Imagine a year without Christmas. No crowded malls, no corny office parties, no fruitcakes, no unwanted presents. That’s just what Luther and Nora Krank have in mind when they decide that, just this once, they’ll skip the holiday altogether. Theirs will be the only house on Hemlock Street without a rooftop Frosty, they won’t be hosting their annual Christmas Eve bash, they aren’t even going to have a tree. They won’t need one, because come December 25 they’re setting sail on a Caribbean cruise. But as this weary couple is about to discover, skipping Christmas brings enormous consequences—and isn’t half as easy as they’d imagined. Don’t miss John Grisham’s new book, THE EXCHANGE: AFTER THE FIRM!
As he faces a devastating personal loss, Detective Michael Bennett is about to take on the most sinister challenge of his career: a kidnapping crisis that could destroy the most powerful people in America. The nation has fallen into mourning after the unexpected death of a beloved former First Lady, and the most powerful people in the world gather in New York for her funeral. Then the inconceivable occurs: Billionaires, politicians, and superstars of every kind are suddenly trapped within one man's brilliant and ruthless scenario. Bennett, father of ten, is pulled into the fray. As the danger escalates, Michael is hit with devastating news: After fighting for many years, his wife has succumbed to a terrible disease. As New York descends into chaos, Bennett has lost the great love of his life and faces raising his ten devastated children alone-and rescuing 34 hostages. Day after day, Bennett confronts the most ruthless man he has ever dealt with, a man who kills without hesitation and counters everything the NYPD and FBI throw at him with impunity. As the entire world watches and the tension boils to a searing heat, Bennett has to find a way out-or face responsibility for the greatest debacle in history.
"There’s plenty to love in this sparkling Christmas rom-com."—Publishers Weekly A magical holiday love story set at the glamorous Plaza Hotel in New York City. It’s Christmas week when 26-year-old Sabrina Post knocks on the door of the Vanderbilt suite at the Plaza Hotel in New York City, ready to accept the ghostwriting position for the memoir of Grayson Westcott—a famous art dealer. A struggling journalist, Sabrina can't believe her luck: a paycheck and six nights in her own suite at the Plaza. She feels like Eloise, the heroine from her favorite children’s books. To make the job even more exciting, Grayson recounts how he worked as a butler at the Plaza sixty years ago for none other than the author of the Eloise books, Kay Thompson. What promises to be a perfect week is complicated when Sabrina meets Ian Wentworth, a handsome British visitor, at the hotel bar. When Ian assumes Sabrina is another wealthy guest at the hotel, she doesn’t correct him —a decision she doesn’t regret after learning that Ian is a member of the British aristocracy. But, things are not what they seem. The truth is: Ian is not a wealthy lord; he’s actually the personal secretary of Lord Spencer Braxton. As the week unfolds, will Sabrina and Ian learn the truth about one another? Filled with the magic that can only be found at the Plaza Hotel during the holidays, and revealing facts about the author of the Eloise books, Anita Hughes's A Magical New York Christmas is both a holiday treat and a heartwarming story that reminds us that falling in love is the greatest miracle of all.
A beloved, bestselling classic of humorous and nostalgic Americana—the book that inspired the equally classic Yuletide film and the live musical on Fox. The holiday film A Christmas Story, first released in 1983, has become a bona fide Christmas perennial, gaining in stature and fame with each succeeding year. Its affectionate, wacky, and wryly realistic portrayal of an American family’s typical Christmas joys and travails in small-town Depression-era Indiana has entered our imagination and our hearts with a force equal to It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street. This edition of A Christmas Story gathers together in one hilarious volume the gems of autobiographical humor that Jean Shepherd drew upon to create this enduring film. Here is young Ralphie Parker’s shocking discovery that his decoder ring is really a device to promote Ovaltine; his mother and father’s pitched battle over the fate of a lascivious leg lamp; the unleashed and unnerving savagery of Ralphie’s duel in the show with the odious bullies Scut Farkas and Grover Dill; and, most crucially, Ralphie’s unstoppable campaign to get Santa—or anyone else—to give him a Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle. Who cares that the whole adult world is telling him, “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid”? The pieces that comprise A Christmas Story, previously published in the larger collections In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash and Wanda Hickey’s Night of Golden Memories, coalesce in a magical fashion to become an irresistible piece of Americana, quite the equal of the film in its ability to warm the heart and tickle the funny bone.
A version in Cajun dialect of the famous poem "The Night Before Christmas," set in a Louisiana bayou.
Perfect for Easter and spring, this innovative board book has a satisfying handle to pull. Who will hatch from each egg? Pull on the handle to find out! Each adorable baby animal is revealed, accompanied by an enjoyable crack-crack-crack sound. * Bright, adorable illustrations help engage young readers * Pull up the built-in handle to reveal what's inside each egg * Durable board book is just the right size for little hands The fun pull-out handle and delightful sounds make Crack-Crack! Who Is That? an irresistible board book that children will want to read again and again! * Fun family read-aloud books * Books for baby to 3 years old * Easter gift for babies and toddlers
What does it take to bring the entire Island of Sodor Railway System to a halt? Just a crack in the track. Well, a crack in the track and some hail on rail . . . and a toad in the road, and a fuss on the bus. In fact, one thing leads to another until just about everything that can go wrong does go wrong. Luckily, there’s a breakdown train with a couple of cranes that can fix a big mess (and they don’t mind the rain). From the Hardcover edition.