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Note: hyperlinks below will take you to the Break the Cycle! Website (formerly "Stepfamily inFormation") that this book and series are based on. Use your browser ́s "back" button to return to Xlibris. This is the fourth volume in a series of six dedicated to breaking the epidemic [wounds + unawareness] cycle that promotes America ́s tragic divorce divorce epidemic. The prior volume, Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com, 2002), outlines seven Projects to help courting couples make wise commitment decisions. This book for stepfamily coparents and supporters adds five more projects based on the prior seven ones. If couples didn't do the prior projects (which is common), they can start the first six any time. A sobering reality: if either partner made any unwise courtship choices, it's unlikely that doing these other 11 Projects will guard them and their dependents from the five hazards that promote psychological or legal re/divorce. Nonetheless, working at the the projects will give minor kids their best chance at avoiding inherited psychological wounds, and passing them on to their descendents like their unaware ancestors did. The five post-re/wedding co-parenting projects are: 8) Nourish your re/marriage and steadily keep it your second priority, after personal integrity and wholistic health - except in emrgencies. In complex multi-home stepfamilies this is hard for many couples to do; as they 9) Merge three or more multi-generational biofamilies, and evolve strategies to resolve inevitable values and loyalty conflicts and Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer relationship triangles; while you 10) (a) Build a co-parenting team with your kids' "other parents," (b) stay current on your kids' progress with their many developmental and adjustment needs, and (c) continually adjust and refine your co-parenting "job descriptions" based on your stepfamily mission statement. Because all nine of these ongoing co-parent projects are complex, confusing, and conflictual 11) Intentionally build a support network for you and your kids, and use it regularly. Finally 12) Help each other (a) stay balanced personally, re/maritally, and co-parentally each day, and (b) enjoy this whole challenging, en
Note: links below connect to the non-profit educational Break the Cycle! Web site (Formerly "Stepfamily inFormation"). Close the pages or use your browsers "back" button to return here. Typical multi-home stepfamilies are riddled with conflicts between three or more co-parents and their relatives over child discipline, nutrition, visitations, custody, hygiene, religion, schooling, hoidays, loyalties, expenses, names, responsibilities, and other topics. The scope, complexity, and persistence of these disputes among ex mates, stepparents, and relatives can significantly contribute to eventual re/divorce. (The "/" notes it may be a stepparents first union). Thisguidebook is part of a series intended to help co-parents and supporters overcome five common hazards that combine to (1) promote epidemic U.S. re/divorce, and (2) pass on significant psychological wounds to vulnerable children. The hazards are: co-parents shared unawarenesses and ignorance of key information; plus... unseen psychological wounds from low-nurturance childhoods; plus... incomplete or blocked grief in kids and/or adults, which inhibits new bonds and adult intimacy; plus... courtship neediness and romantic illusions; plus... little informed stepfamily help in the media and local community. Typical nuclear stepfamilies include three or more co-parents (bioparents and stepparents) and several minor kids shuttling between two or more homes: Parenting effectively in this environment is far more complex than in "traditional" intact biological families - which catches typical co-parents and relatives by surprise. Why this book (and series)? Families exist to nurture - i.e. to fill key needs of their kids and adults. Most U.S. stepfamilies follow the divorce of one or both new mates, most of whom are parents. Divorce suggests that their kids werent well nurtured in their first family, and have many concurrent developmental + special needs to fill in their complex stepfamily.
This second edition synthesizes the emerging knowledge base on the diversity of stepfamilies, their inherent concerns, and why so relatively little is still known about them. Its extensive findings shed needed light on family arrangements relatively new to the literature (e.g., cohabitating stepparents), the effects of these relationships on different family members (e.g., stepsiblings, stepgrandparents), the experiences of gay and lesbian stepfamilies, and the stigma against non-nuclear families. Coverage reviews effective therapeutic and counseling interventions for emotional, familial, and social challenges of stepfamilies, as well as the merits of family education and self-help programs. The authors explore prevailing myths about marriage, divorce, and stepfamily life while expanding the limits of stepfamily research. Among the topics included: • The cultural context of stepfamilies.• Couple dynamics in stepfamilies.• Gay and lesbian couples in stepfamilies. • The dynamics of stepparenting. • Siblings, half-siblings, and stepsiblings. • Effects of stepfamily living on children.• Clinical perspectives on stepfamily dynamics. For researchers and clinicians who work with families, it enriches the literature as it offers insights and guidelines for effective practice as well as possible avenues for future research.
What ́s Different about This Book? This modular reference book and series for co-parents and human-service professionals is unique in the genre of stepfamily media for seven reasons. It is the only current resource that... Is based on (a) 30 years ́ clinical research, including over 17,000 hours ́ consultation with over 1,000 typical divorced and stepfamily adults and some of their kids; (b) five widespread re/marital hazards, and (c) 12 Projects to neutralize the hazards. This volume... Integrates six core concepts: # proven family-systems principles; and... # an inner-family concept of human personalities, linked to... # a definition of high-nurturance families; # a framework of seven effective-thinking and communication skills, # healthy three-level grieving and healing blocked grief; and... # a framework of stepfamily realities, meanings, and merger-adjustment tasks. A fifth uniqueness is that the book... Provides Internet addresses to over 150 experience-based stepfamily articles, worksheets, and other resources to augment its contents. This is one of several guidebooks for a free, 8-module self-study course for people interested in healing and self-growth. Lesson 7 focuses on evolving high-nurturance stepfamilies. And this book is different because of... My personality, writing style, training (BSME and MSW), and 72 years ́ life experience (engineering, business, teaching, and 30 years ́ practice of psychotherapy with hundreds of stepfamily clients). My learnings from personal "ACoA" recovery (from a low-nurturance childhood) since 1986 greatly influence this site and series of stress-prevention guidebooks. And... I have many years of personal experience as a stepgrandson, adult stepson, stepfather of two girls, and stepbrother of four - and an admirer of two haughty stepcats.
Links below will take you to the non-profit Break the Cycle! Web site. Use your browser’s back button to return. Premise - psychological "wounding" is epidemic in America because of an unseen inherited cycle of ineffective parenting and ignorance. This book describes the wounds, what they mean, and what to do about them. This fourth edition (Feb. 2011) will introduce you to your inner family, and who leads it in calm and crisis times. If you don’t know who comprises your inner crew or who’s in charge of them, you may be living life as a hostage to a false self and not know it. If so, you’re probably living well below your potential, and may also be wounding kids in your life without meaning to. The rest of the book outlines an effective way to reduce any significant wounds, and live a calmer, more authentic, productive, satisfying life. Notice your reaction to these proposals and to the book ́s title. I suspect you think “Well I am running my life!” Sure - but have you ever thought about who “I” is? Reality check: Have you ever had experiences like these? • Blowing hot and cold about someone or something? • Saying “On one hand,... and on the other...”? • Obsessively second-guessing (doubting) an important decision you’ve made? • Having “discussions” or "arguments" with yourself inside your head? • An “inner voice” ceaselessly berating you for being stupid, dumb, weird, or unlovable? • Loved and hated someone at the same time? • Wanted to do something and simultaneously not wanted to do it? • Done something impulsive and later thought “What got into me?” • Known people who seemed two-faced, talked out of both sides of their mouth, and “like two different people”? • Felt “young” when around an authority figure or perhaps a critical parent? yellow or mean streak, a blue mood a musical side, a silver tongue, or a way with kids? These are everyday signs of an invisible condition that shapes the lives of you and everyone you know. It’s based on a marvelous survival feature of our human neural system recently called multiplicity: our brain’s wired-in ability to respond to childhood environmental threat by fragmenting into regions with special abilities. Using radiographic PET scans, we’re the first generation in history to be able to see these regions operating concurrently. The unitary experience of “I see my child laugh” involves many regions of your brain at once without your knowing it. So does everything you do! Main Ideas This book results from my professionally studying and practicing inner family therapy ("parts work") since 1992. It describes what I’ve come to believe without question about average women and men like you: Normal people have personalities that are composed of a group of subselves or parts, like members of an orchestra or athletic team. Each subself has it’s own talent or gift, it’s own values, goals, and limitations. Our inner families of subselves can range from harmonious to chaotic in calm and crisis times. The nature of our subselves and the relationships among them are determined in the first several years of life of average kids. If kids are
Written for both biological parents and stepparents, this helpful guide provides the tools necessary to raising well-adjusted children after a stressful divorce. Innovative in its technique and cowritten by a certified divorce and stepfamily expert and her own stepchildren's mother, this etiquette book provides an authentic guide for ex-spouses to interact on a civil and healthy level. Sample conversation for everyday scenarios help exes create a positive environment and ensure the mental and physical well-being of the children. Whether it's coordinating discipline between households, introducing a new partner, dealing with late child support payments, or providing a regular schedule for children, this guide empowers parents to change what they can--their attitudes and communication skills. In doing so, divorced parents can increase their self-esteem and personal growth and emerge confident that they can handle awkward situations and powerful emotions while keeping the children's best interests a priority.
Note - links below will take you articles and resources in the nonprofit Break the Cycle! Web site (formerly "Stepfamily inFormation"). Use your browser´s "back" button to return to Xlibris.com. Love is not enough... Typical new stepparents and bioparents (co-parents) usually find that building a multi-home stepfamily is unexpectedly confusing and conflictual. Most recent stepfamily literature estimates that over half of American co-parents who attempt re/marriage after divorce or mate death ultimately re/divorce psychologically or legally - despite their love, maturity, commitment, and experience. The "/" notes that it may be a stepparent´s first union. This unique guidebook results from 27 years´ research into why so many U.S. couples re/divorce. It appears that there are five factors that combine to often defeat love´s brightest dreams: unseen psychological wounds from childhood in stepfamily adults and kids, and... blocked grief from two or three major sets of losses in some co-parents and/or stepkids; and... co-parent unawareness of (a) their inner family of subselves and related psychological wounds; (b) healthy grieving basics; (c) vital parenting and relationship skills and (d) stepfamily realities; and... These factors and high neediness causing one or both partners to commit to wounded, unaware people (mate + ex mate + stepkids), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time; and... Little informed co-parent support available in the media and their community. My work as a stepfamily therapist since 1981 suggests that courting and re/married partners can work patiently at 12 Projects together to overcome these five re/marital hazards and forge a strong, nourishing re/marriage
Irrespective of theoretical orientation, families matter. Families are the entity in which children are introduced to words, objects, shapes, and colors. Families are the people related in a myriad of conventional and unconventional ways that clothe, bathe, and feed its biological and acquired offspring. Influenced by race, ethnicity, income, and education, families relate not only to each other within the unit but to others in the neighborhood, the community, and beyond. This book is about families and their children. This book is about those times when the family unit experiences distress. This distress may be found in the serious illness of a child or a parent. It may be the result of a reconfiguration of the family as in divorce and remarriage. Or it may involve the harming of a family member sexually or physically. In this volume, the authors explore what family means today, what functions it serves, and those circumstances that can make family life painful. Importantly, the authors provide readers with clearly written information drawn from the most recent scientific investigations suggesting how the topics in this volume might be addressed to either ease that discomfort (treatment) or prevent its occurrence.
Resilience is a topic that is currently receiving increased attention. In general, resilience refers to the capacity of those who, even under the most stressful circumstances, are able to cope, to rebound, and to go on and thrive. Resilient families are able to regain their balance following crises that arise as a function of either nature or nurture, and to continue to encourage and support their members as they deal with the necessary requirements for accommodation, adaptation and, ultimately, healthy survival. Handbook of Family Resilience provides a broad body of knowledge regarding the traits and patterns found to characterize resilient individuals and well-functioning families, including those with diverse structures, various ethnic backgrounds and a variety of non-traditional forms. This Handbook brings together a variety of perspectives aimed at understanding and helping to facilitate resilience in families relative to a full range of challenges.
An in-depth and multifaceted examination of the contemporary American family, this introductory handbook is the only one of its kind and presents a solid, authoritative overview. There is little doubt that the American family has changed from colonial times to the present. But what have those changes been? How have family dynamics shifted to deal with the countless new looks of the American Family? In Families in America, author Jeffrey Scott Turner has written a current and complete work that will be of great interest to general audiences as well as students of psychology and sociology. This work sheds light on everything from multicultural family variations and reproductive technologies to families of divorce and blended families. The book is bolstered by chapters that cite recent and important books on family life, as well as a listing of educational videotapes on family life in America.