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The bestselling star of No, David! turns Christmas traditions upside down with laugh-aloud humor. Readers of all ages will vividly remember trying to peek at hidden gift packages; writing scrolls of wish lists to Santa; and struggling to behave at formal Christmas dinner parties. Always in the background, we know Santa Claus is watching, soon to decide if David deserves a shiny new fire truck or a lump of coal under the tree. From playing with delicate ornaments to standing in an endlessly long line for Santa, here are common Christmas activities--but with David's naughty trimmings. A surefire hit that is destined to be an annual classic.
Ethan Long, author/illustrator of Tickle the Duck, Stop Kissing Me, and Duck's Not Afraid of the Dark, returns with yet another laugh riot novelty book for young children. In Have You Been Naughty or Nice? the duck excitedly awaits a visit from Santa Claus until he eats all of Santa's snacks and realizes he just put himself on the naughty list. But never fear, because the duck has a clever plan to get himself back on the nice list. This fourth book in Ethan Long's duck series features a cloth Santa cap on the cover and a fold-out letter to Santa, and is filled to the brim with holiday hilarity that will keep kids entertained for hours.
A festive board book with a funny twist on the classic letter-to-Santa theme.
Careful what you ask for, because Lucifer sees you when you’re sleeping. Spies when you’re awake. Knows if you’ve been nauseatingly good, so try to be bad for the devil’s sake. Merry is determined to make Christmas special for her son. He hasn’t spoken or smiled since his father died, so she writes a letter hoping for a holiday miracle. Dear Satan… Her unfortunate error ensures her wish ends up in the wrong place. Worse? Satan answers her plea—after telling Santa where he can shove a candy cane. The devil knows just what Merry needs, and he has the perfect demon for the job. Marduke’s mission is to deliver a hellhound puppy to a little boy, along with some tips on how to avoid getting eaten. What the devil’s kennel master doesn’t expect on this emasculating mission of kindness is Merry. A happy, optimistic woman despite all the strife in her life. It’s disgusting. Annoying. Tempting? Usually, Marduke is all about destroying hopes and dreams—and letting his dogs pee on people while they’re down—but there’s something about Merry… genre: paranormal romantic comedy, demon romance, shapeshifter romance, holiday romance, satan romance, matchmaking, cozy romance, hell romance
The complete War on Christmas series in print! *Some violent content not suitable for children*
Santa's gone soft! Nearly all the children in the world are on the naughty list! But Santa's been delivering presents to naughty children! Completely against Elf laws! Santa must be stopped in order to rescue the integrity of Christmas! But what will happen to all the presents? It is still Christmas after all! The time for giving! Isn't it?
"It's the most wonderful time of the year," the old song tells us. But that doesn't mean the people celebrating it are always so nice. Criminals get the Christmas spirit, too! In this collection of hilarious short stories, you'll see what the thieves, killers, psychos and scumbags are up to come the holidays...and it's not caroling door to door. Well, not unless they're casing the neighborhood for a break-in, as a rag-tag gang does in the title story. You'll also meet a mall elf menaced by a very, very bad Santa (in "I Killed Santa Claus"), a London police inspector hunting for the man who murdered Ebenezer Scrooge (in "Humbug"), a trucker out to save his shipment of Cabbage Patch Dolls from bumbling hijackers (in "Special Delivery") and many more characters you'll never forget. Originally published in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, these nine tales from award-winning short story master Steve Hockensmith (Holmes on the Range, Dreadfully Ever After) are sure to have you ho-ho-hoing from the first page to the last.
Replete with visions of sugar-plums, big juicy candy canes and stockings eager to be filled, Naughty or Nice? is an irresistable collection of holiday erotica from editor Alison Tyler, hot enough to make anyone wish that the season of giving lasted all year long. Good Little Girl stars a narrator who might pretend to be nice, but when she appears in front of her lover dressed as Santa, the naughty truth comes out. In Carol's Christmas, a retelling of Dickens' famous story, Carol may not learn the ghosts' lesson, but she still gets just what she wants for Christmas...
Have you ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes in the North Pole around Christmastime? Does Santa get distracted? Do toy machines break down? Does someone else out there want to destroy Christmas? Well, I’ve wondered about all these things and imagined what could happen, so come and share the adventures with me.
This holiday, we are offering to you our own Christmas box – filled up to the top with the greatest Christmas novels, magical Christmas tales, legends, most famous carols and the poems dedicated to this one and only holiday: _x000D_ Mr. Pickwick's Christmas (Charles Dickens) _x000D_ The Gift of the Magi (O. Henry)_x000D_ Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (L. Frank Baum)_x000D_ Christmas At Sea (Robert Louis Stevenson)_x000D_ The Savior Must Have Been A Docile Gentleman (Emily Dickinson)_x000D_ The Holy Night (Selma Lagerlöf)_x000D_ A Merry Christmas (Louisa May Alcott)_x000D_ A Letter from Santa Claus (Mark Twain)_x000D_ Shakespeare's Christmas _x000D_ Silent Night_x000D_ The Night After Christmas_x000D_ The Child Born at Bethlehem_x000D_ The Adoration of the Shepherds_x000D_ The Visit of the Wise Men_x000D_ As Joseph Was A-Walking_x000D_ The Tale of Peter Rabbit (Beatrix Potter)_x000D_ Where Love Is, God Is (Leo Tolstoy) _x000D_ The Three Kings (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow) _x000D_ A Christmas Carol (Samuel Taylor Coleridge) _x000D_ The Heavenly Christmas Tree (Fyodor Dostoevsky)_x000D_ The Little City of Hope (F. Marion Crawford)_x000D_ The First Christmas Of New England (Harriet Beecher Stowe)_x000D_ Christmas in the Olden Time (Walter Scott)_x000D_ Christmas In India (Rudyard Kipling)_x000D_ A Christmas Carol (Charles Dickens) _x000D_ The Twelve Days of Christmas_x000D_ The Wonderful Wizard of OZ (L. Frank Baum)_x000D_ Ring Out, Wild Bells (Alfred Lord Tennyson)_x000D_ Little Lord Fauntleroy (Frances Hodgson Burnett)_x000D_ Black Beauty (Anna Sewell)_x000D_ The Christmas Child (Hesba Stretton)_x000D_ Granny's Wonderful Chair (Frances Browne)_x000D_ The Romance of a Christmas Card (Kate Douglas Wiggin)_x000D_ Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame)_x000D_ The Wonderful Life - Story of the life and death of our Lord (Hesba Stretton)_x000D_ The Christmas Angel (A. Brown)_x000D_ Christmas at Thompson Hall (Anthony Trollope)_x000D_ Christmas Every Day (William Dean Howells)_x000D_ The Lost Word (Henry van Dyke)_x000D_ The Nutcracker and the Mouse King (E. T. A. Hoffmann)_x000D_ The Little Match Girl_x000D_ The Elves and the Shoemaker_x000D_ Mother Holle _x000D_ The Star Talers_x000D_ Snow-White_x000D_ The Christmas Hirelings_x000D_ The Blue Carbuncle_x000D_ An Exciting Christmas Eve_x000D_ The Spirit of Christmas…