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Using a sample collected from Ashley Madison, this book is the result of a yearlong inquiry into women’s extramarital experiences. Ultimately, these women reject the binary proposition of marriage that assumes that either we work on our marriages and remain monogamous within them, or we break up the relationship and take up other relationships. These women conceive of an alternate solution to a marriage that is not wholly working, where their own needs are ignored, unmet, and not prioritized. Thus, the women in this study are engaging in secret defiance of the expectations of marriage and primary partnerships. This book gives voice to women’s experiences and perceptions regarding their participation in infidelity, and glimpses into the interworkings of our most intimate relationships, and the ways women negotiate marriages that fall short of their expectations.
"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
The Cheat Down Blog Judie, a gorgeous model, is baffled when she discovers an unflattering picture of a woman with whom her husband has been having an affair. Judie decides to take her ordeal to the web. Judie's online diary sparks a blogging war. This book contains feedback from men and women searching for solid relationships.
Can a wife single-handedly bring a boring or broken marriage back to life? This improved and expanded edition of Laura Doyle's acclaimed First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors features real-life success stories from empowered wives who have done just that—and provides a step-by-step guide to revitalizing your own marriage. Laura Doyle's marriage was in trouble, and couples counseling wasn't helping. On the brink of divorce, she decided to talk to women who'd been happily married for over a decade, and their advice stunned her. From it, she distilled Six Intimacy Skills—woman-centric practices that ended her overwhelm and resentment, restoring the playfulness and passion in her marriage. Now an internationally-recognized relationship coach, Doyle has shared her secrets with women around the globe, saving thousands of marriages with her fresh, revolutionary approach. Practical and counter-intuitive, the Six Intimacy Skills are about focusing on your own desires and transforming your own life—not bending over backwards to transform your husband. Incorporating these skills will empower you to: Attract his attention like a magnet when you relax more and do less Receive affection not because you told him to make more of an effort, but because he naturally seeks you out Feel more like yourself—and like yourself more If you've been trying to "fix" your relationship and it's not working, maybe the problem was never you, or your husband, or even the two of you as a couple. Maybe the problem is that nobody ever taught you the skills you need to foster respect, tenderness, and consideration. With humor and heart, The Empowered Wife shows you how to improve your relationship in ways you hadn't thought possible. You'll join a worldwide community of over 150,000 empowered wives who finally have the marriages they dreamed of when they said "I do."
This book analyzes men’s experiences and perceptions regarding their participation in infidelity and offers a glimpse into the inner workings of their most intimate relationships, as well as the ways men negotiate marriages that fall short of their expectations. Using a sample collected from the online dating service Ashley Madison, this book finds that contrary to gendered social scripts, the men in this study described motivations for outside partnerships that were not rooted in the desire for sexual pleasure or variety. Rather, men described those relationships as an outlet to soothe their bruised egos, receive attention and validation from a romantic partner, and to fight their feelings of emasculation. These infidelities thus provide support and praise, and aid in the processing of complex emotions. This in-depth analysis provides a unique insight into men’s experiences of sexuality and masculinity, and will be of keen interest to those seeking to understand male infidelity from a sociological perspective, across gender studies, psychology, counselling, and beyond.
Is infidelity womens best kept secret? Given that women initiate 70 to 75% of all divorces, is this secret the catalyst that prompts them to pursue separations and divorces, many under the guise of searching for self? How many of these women were happily married prior to their affairs? Are men being divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives' extramarital sexual relationships? Womens Infidelity discusses these and other wide-ranging, but interrelated, topics that help explain the difficulty women have with marriage and long-term fidelity.
A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of fear, hurt and confusion to find their ways to happier, more solid relationships with the person who's right for them. For example, Kirshenbaum identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they're in and what it means. Is it a: --"See-if" affair? --Ejector-seat affair? --Distraction affair? --Unmet-needs affair? --Panic affair? Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as: --What am I missing in my marriage? --How do I decide between two people when it's like comparing an apple to an orange? --How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both? She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.
The New York Times bestselling look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity and what might prevent it Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat? In this New York Times bestselling book, experienced family counselor M. Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed men across the country who have physically cheated on their wives. Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays. Based on a groundbreaking study of both cheating men and men who have remained faithful Reveals surprising findings on the contribution of sexual and emotional dissatisfaction to male infidelity Written by experienced family counselor M. Gary Neuman, coauthor of In Good Times and Bad and author of Emotional Infidelity Neuman and The Truth about Cheating were featured twice on The Oprah Winfrey Show Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, The Truth about Cheating includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women to help them prevent infidelity and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.
What the latest science tells us about the brain's reward systems, love, and sex -- and how to prevent an affair from destroying your life How can I prevent an affair from destroying my life? Whether I am the cheater or the betrayed partner, how can I survive, even thrive, in the wake of an affair? Infidelity provides key insights to find your true sexual and romantic potential and advocates honesty, trust, and integrity--the fundamentals of love. People often cheat in a haze of delusion, believing that it will bring them real love, help them have better sex, lift their spirits, and boost their sagging self-esteem; however, very often, cheating wrecks relationships and erodes self-esteem. In Infidelity, one of America's top doctors combines neuroscience, addiction theory, and common sense to explain the three types of cheating: emotional, virtual, and physical; why they're so prevalent; and how to live in accordance with our values when we are drawn to stray. Examining what the latest science tells us about the brain's reward systems, love, and sex, Dr. Kenneth Paul Rosenberg reveals what drives men and women to cheat and what they can do about it. At a time when America's pornography obsession rises to the level of a competing sexual interest, when is porn a problem, and when does it count as infidelity? And since it is not the act of infidelity alone that destroys a couple, how does any couple prevent growing apart? Through concrete rules addressing these and other vital questions, Dr. Rosenberg guides couples on how to prevent cheating, stop it from progressing, and repair the damage caused by an affair.
Did you know 90% of men earning more than $75,000 a year are unfaithful, 70% of men stray after two years of marriage, 85% of men who cheat on their wives remain in the marriage, 90% of women who suspect their husbands of infidelity are right. We hear evidence of it in the news every night, prominent husbands cheating on their wives. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Jacqueline Kennedy, Princess Diana, and many others chose not to divorce, and continued to lead successful, productive lives within their marriages. But should a woman stand by her cheating man This provocative, groundbreaking study of infidelity has some surprising answers. Dr. Debbie Then, an expert psychologist with expertise in marital behavior, examines the social, personal, and financial forces at work in many marriages. She explains why men cheat, how this behavior affects the marriage, and what a woman can do to survive this humiliating situation. Offering nonjudgemental advice on how to handle infidelity, she emphasizes that whether they stay or go, women have to make their own lives as fulfilling as possible. A husbands cheating may devastate a woman, but it doesnt have to destroy her.