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Get ready to giggle when you share these silly jokes with your buddies! What's black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door! How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. What kind of bird can write underwater? A ballpoint penguin.
Packed with the silly jokes that kids love--including knock-knocks, tongue twisters, riddles, traditional question and answer jokes and more--a fun-filled book will keep readers laughing page after page.
How to be cool when you're afraid you've forgotten how . . . Sure, you can try to stay younger by exercising, coloring your hair, and wearing stylish clothes—but how do you respond when someone asks, "Do you Twitter?" How Not to Act Old gives you simple ways to come back from over the hill and to act as young as you look. Covering everything from old-people entertainment (cancel that dinner party!) to old-people communication (it's called a "voice mail," not a "message," and no one leaves or listens to them anyway), Pamela Redmond Satran decodes the behaviors, viewpoints, and cultural touchstones that separate you from the hip young person you wish you still were. This irreverent guide is essential for anyone who doesn't want to embarrass their kids—or themselves.
Children learn how to become a Club Penguin secret agent, with a tour of the top-secret Penguin Agency and its missions and gear.
In Bob Tarte's home, pandemonium is the order of the day, and animals literally rule the roost—thirty-nine of them at last count. Whether it's the knot-tying African grey parrot, or the overweight cat who's trained Bob to hold her water bowl just above the floor, or the nightmarish duck who challenges him to a shoving match, this menagerie, along with his endlessly optimistic wife, Linda, provides daily lessons on the chaos inherent in our lives. But not until this modern-day Noah's Ark hits stormy weather—and Bob's world spins out of control—does he realize that this exuberant gaggle of animals provides his spiritual anchor. It is their alien presence, their sense of humor, and their impulsive behavior that both drive Bob crazy and paradoxically return him to sanity. With the same sly humor and dead-on character portraits that made Enslaved by Ducks such a rousing success, Tarte proves that life with animals offers a wholly different perspective on the world.
Perfect for the Scrooge in your life—a profane, hilarious takedown of all things cute and cuddly, by the author of the blog sensation of (almost) the same name Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists for too long. There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild, in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters, and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds. But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come to an end. F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever. ___________________________ "Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people, anyway."—Jerry the Shark "Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."—Dennis the Krill "It's all true. We're the worst."—Anonymous Penguin "The average dolphin is far beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives at the common ancestor reunion."—Edward the Dolphin "Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"—Danielle the Bear, Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing
Now everyone's favorite joke books from Rob Elliott can be found in one economical volume! Combining his bestselling Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids, Zoolarious Animal Jokes for Kids, and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids, Elliott will have kids of all ages laughing with the gut-bustingest, knee-slappingest, guffaw-inducingest, funniest collection of clean jokes you can find. Great on car rides, at the dinner table, on the playground, and anywhere in between, this collection of hilarity will make you and those around you smile every day.
A big, bold, unbelievable collection of the world's funniest jokes! A hysterical collection of jokes, puns, and knock-knocks to crack up kids of all ages, this enormous book features all of the best jokes from the wildly hilarious Jokiest Joking Joke Book series. Accompanied by clever illustrations, these sidesplitting wisecracks will keep kids amused for hours!
Don't play hide-and-seek with a duck ... Laugh your head off with the super-popular Funny Kid series! Every kid wants to laugh, but Max is the boy who can make it happen. When his friends start questioning his bravery, Max and his pet duck must come up with a plan to prove them wrong. There's only one problem: Duck has disappeared. Max is the funny kid and now he's lost his duck! The family road trip from hell, a dares competition, the Tower of Dying Deathly Doom and a dancing motorcycle gang called the Fat Skulls are just some of the things in store for Max and his friends in this Funny Kid adventure. FUNNY KID is the mega-bestselling series from author-illustrator Matt Stanton that has everyone laughing! PRAISE FOR FUNNY KID 'my favourite thing in the book was everything' -- Elliott 'better than Wimpy Kid, Big Nate and Tom Gates combined' -- Ally 'humour is injected into every page' -- Children's Book Council of Australia's Reading Time 'absolutely hilarious' -- Tim Harris, author of the Exploding Endings series