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The sequel to the Amazon bestseller THE UTTERLY UNINTERESTING AND UNADVENTUROUS TALES OF FRED, THE VAMPIRE ACCOUNTANT. After discovering just how filled with magic, intrigue, and adventure the parahuman world of being an Undead American can be, Fredrick Frankford Fletcher did exactly what was expected--he became a certified parahuman accountant. Myths and legends, as it turns out, are not so great at taking appropriate deductions and keeping their receipts, and Fred is more than happy to return to a life others view as woefully dull, expanding his accounting business to cater to various monsters and their respective financial needs. Said monsters are, unfortunately, still spectacular at pulling Fred into trouble, though. And despite merely wanting to stick with simple paperwork, Fred once again finds he is going to have to deal with enchanted weaponry, government agents, possessed houses, and one enigmatic dragon's interest. In the parahuman world, any business can turn deadly, even one as mundane as accounting.
Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to "survive." Because even after it's over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.
"A collection of philosophical essays about the undead: beings such as vampires and zombies who are physically or mentally dead yet not at rest. Topics addressed include the metaphysics and ethics of undeath"--Provided by publisher.
Northern Europe, 976 AD. Bjólf and the viking crew of the ship Hrafn flee up an unknown river after a bitter battle, only to find themselves in a bleak land of pestilence. The dead don’t lie down, but become draugr – the undead – returning to feed on the flesh of their kin. Terrible stories are told of a dark castle in a hidden fjord, and of black ships that come raiding with invincible draugr berserkers. And no sooner has Bjólf resolved to leave, than the black ships appear... Now stranded, his men cursed by the contagion of walking death, Bjólf has one choice: fight his way through a forest teeming with zombies, invade the castle and find the secret of the horrific condition – or submit to an eternity of shambling, soulless undeath!
All aspects of the zombie lifestyle are surveyed in this satirical take on an orientation manual for the newly undead. From how one became a zombie in the first place and the stages of zombification to survival mechanisms, this handbook offers specific advice on everything a fresh zombie needs to know about "life" expectancy, hunting techniques, hitching a ride, hand-to-mouth combat, and feeding etiquette. Instructions for extracting the living from boarded up farmhouses and broken down vehicles are included along with dozens of helpful diagrams outlining attack strategies such as the Ghoul Reach, the Flanking Zak, the Bite Hold, and the Aerial Fall for securing human prey and their all-important flesh and brains.
The New Testament records seven separate incidents of dead people returning to life through the power of God. In the midst of the current cultural fascination with undead creatures, many believers in the church are more familiar with zombies in entertainment than with the amazing stories of new life recorded in the Bible. Undead: Revived, Resuscitated, and Reborn retells these stories in a unique style that will reach a new generation of readers and challenge them to come back from the spiritual dead. Few believers realize that many people - including six specific individuals - are raised from the dead between the Gospels and book of Acts. Undead applies those stories to revitalize the faith of believers while leading seekers to discover the spiritual resuscitation that only comes from God through His Son. By examining each story of resuscitation, readers discover gospel truths that they can apply to their own lies in ways that will elevate hope and challenge faith. Relating to the characters in these accounts helps bring to light areas in our lives that may need revitalization and challenge us to decide whether we will allow God to transform us. Click here to download the FREE Study Guide.
When Fred formed his own parahuman clan out of necessity, he understood that it was going to come with new responsibilities. Much as he hoped those tasks would center around extra paperwork and perhaps the occasional mandatory class, enough time around the supernatural has taught him to be ready for anything. Or so he thought. As a freelance accountant for the Agency, Fred soon finds himself being tossed into new, unexpected, and perilous situations. From inventorying ghostly castles, to exploring unsettling amusement parks, to negotiating with dangerous mages, it seems there is no end to the uses for an accountant of Fred's specialty. But dangerous as the new jobs are, the greatest threat may come from the past. An old enemy is making waves once more, an enemy who would go to great lengths to destroy Fred and everyone he loves. And this time, they've brought backup. The fourth book in the hilarious series following Fred, the vampire accountant, and the misadventures he finds himself in.
Dumpling the hamster came to a dusty end inside a vacuum cleaner. He suspects that his owner Oliver's parents never admitted to their son that they were to blame for Dumpling's demise. Now the hamster needs Joe's help to reveal the truth - but there's a furry surprise awaiting them at Oliver's house...
In his new novel, John Ajvide Lindqvist does for zombies what his previous novel, Let the Right One In, did for vampires. Across Stockholm the power grid has gone crazy. In the morgue and in cemeteries, the recently deceased are waking up. One grandfather is alight with hope that his grandson will be returned, but one husband is aghast at what his adored wife has become. A horror novel that transcends its genre by showing what the return of the dead might really mean to those who loved them.
After several years as a vampire, starting a business, founding his own clan, and proposing to his girlfriend, Fred is finally beginning to settle into life as an undead accountant. Unfortunately, not everyone is happy about his continued survival, or the dangerous friends he's made along the way. The Blood Council has dispatched a representative to determine if Fred is fit for the position he currently fills as head of a clan, and the stakes for failure are deathly serious. Worse, Fred will have to muddle through without the help of Krystal, who is off on a mysterious task of her own. Saddled with a new bodyguard, Fred will have to prove he's got what it takes to be a respectable vampire, control his abilities, and lead a clan. Because if he can't, the House of Fred will be no more.