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Sexual betrayal creates significant trauma. Using new research and current treatment approaches this book provides individuals experiencing betrayal support and ideas for their healing and recovery.
Nothing destroys trust like sexual betrayal. Beyond broken vows, a woman who discovers that the man she loves has been viewing pornography or having an affair must deal with devastating blows to her self-image and self-worth. She must grapple with the fact that the man she thought she knew has lied and deceived her. She may even bear the brunt of shame and judgment when the people around her find out. Drawing from her experience both as a marriage and family therapist and a woman who personally experienced the devastation of sexual betrayal, Dr. Sheri Keffer walks women impacted by betrayal through the pain and toward recovery. She explains how the trauma of betrayal affects our minds, bodies, spirits, and sexuality. She offers practical tools for dealing with emotional triggers and helps women understand the realities of sexual addiction. And she shows women how to practice self-care, develop healthy boundaries, protect themselves from abuse or manipulation, and find freedom from the burden of shame and guilt.
Healing Sexually Betrayed Men and Boys: Treatment for Sexual Abuse, Assault, and Trauma is the new authoritative source for treatment of sexually victimized men and boys. Male victims and survivors of sexual trauma lived in shadow until the turn of the 21st century, when scandal after scandal about the sexual abuse of boys and men shed light on their suffering. These men and boys require different treatment roadmaps than their female counterparts. Yet there is little in the professional literature to help a clinician work with sexually traumatized boys and men. Richard B. Gartner is a seasoned psychologist/psychoanalyst who has worked therapeutically with sexually abused men for over three decades. He is a clinician, advocate, teacher, lecturer, and nationally and internationally recognized expert on the subject. Dr. Gartner’s classic book, Betrayed as Boys: Psychodynamic Treatment of Sexually Abused Men, is one of the few written to guide clinicians. Now, nearly two decades after writing that groundbreaking volume, he follows up on his earlier work. Healing Sexually Abused Men and Boys, together with its companion volume, Understanding the Sexual Betrayal of Boys and Men, is a thorough, comprehensive guide to learning about and healing male victims and survivors. Dr. Gartner has invited a group of experts to write about specific problems faced by these boys and men. Specialists from the psychoanalytic, psychodynamic, trauma, and legal worlds fill in the details about a wide range of interconnected subjects related to the complex reverberations of male sexual trauma. Healing Sexually Betrayed Men and Boys covers such diverse topics as: therapy with young sexually traumatized boys; the aftermath for men who were raped as adults ; covert seduction of boys and its aftereffects; treatment for substance addictions and sexual compulsions; couples work with male survivors and their partners or spouses; bodywork with male survivors; treatment for male veterans who suffered sexual trauma in the military; profiling sexual predators and working with survivors who have also been sexual predators. This book is a valuable resource for clinicians at every level of training. With strategies for how survivors can build support networks and descriptions of clinical, familial, and community-based treatments, Healing Sexually Betrayed Men and Boys is essential reading for clinicians of all theoretical persuasions who work with male sexual abuse survivors. Filling in gaps in the relatively scant literature on the subject, it will also help sexually abused or assaulted men themselves understand what is available to them.
"With compassion and clarity, Richard Gartner shares insights from years of working with male survivors. Among this book's greatest strengths is the extensive use of examples from Dr. Gartner's clinical practice to illustrate problems and solutions on the path to healing. Beyond Betrayal offers support, encouragement, and useful skills to men in recovery." --Mike Lew, M.Ed., author of Victims No Longer and Leaping upon the Mountains "If you have been sexually abused, this book will give you information, hope, direction, and most importantly, the assurance that you are not alone. Dr. Gartner has written an accessible, compassionate book that clearly lays out the healing process for men who were hurt or abused as children. Whether you were abused by a mother, a camp counselor, a neighborhood boy, or a priest, Beyond Betrayal will give you the tools you need to reclaim your life and move on. If you're going to take one book with you on the healing journey, this should be the one." --Laura Davis, coauthor of The Courage to Heal and author of The Courage to Heal Workbook "Compassionate, insightful, and hopeful, Beyond Betrayal shines a bright light. It is a must-read for anyone concerned." --Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., author of Silently Seduced "Beyond Betrayal cuts through the shame, confusion, misunderstanding, and fear that so often accompany the abuse of males and replaces them with clear information. I will begin to use it immediately with my patients and think that other clinicians will do so as well." --Christine A. Courtois, Ph.D., author of Healing the Incest Wound and Recollections of Sexual Abuse "Beyond Betrayal offers men straightforward words of hope and a meaningful way to overcome the invisibility, stigma, and shame they have endured. Many men and their families will find this book a healing aid." --Jack Drescher, M.D., author of Psychoanalytic Therapy and the Gay Man "Dr. Gartner writes in a manner any reader will find accessible. Not only does he understand the topic of males, sexual abuse, and recovery, but he can explain it to those who need to know." --Dr. Mic Hunter, author of Abused Boys and editor of Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: Treatment Innovations
A self-help manual for partners affected by sex addiction. Those who act out sexually, whether through pornography, cybersex, prostitutes, voyeurism, and/or multiple affairs, leave their partners reeling in rage, incredible shame, and isolation. In this taboo-shattering and practical guidebook, partners affected by sex addiction can learn to develop healthy boundaries and make positive changes in their lives. The skills-building exercises presented are designed to help partners better understand the disease of addiction and how it is affecting their relationship. Intimate Treason provides a path to healing that gives voice to partners' truths as they travel on their own journey of recovery.
More than one in six boys in the United States is sexually victimized by the age of 16. Yet in the growing professional literature on child sexual abuse, few books focus specifically on the experience of victimized boys and men. This much-needed volume examines how sexual betrayal affects boys and the ways they carry this hurt into adulthood. Blending psychoanalytic understanding with insights from trauma-oriented theory and practice, Richard B. Gartner presents effective strategies for meeting the unique therapeutic needs of men with sexual abuse histories. Filled with evocative clinical material, the book draws readers into the direct experience of these clients, the therapists who work with them, and the constantly shifting relational world they inhabit.
For any woman dealing with the fallout of infidelity, this sensitive and practical guide offers proven tools to help you make wise and empowering decisions as you deal with your husband’s sexual betrayal. If you have been devastated by your husband's sexual betrayal--whether an isolated incident or a long-term pattern of addiction--you don't have to live as a victim. If you choose to stay in your marriage, you have options other than punishing, tolerating, or ignoring your spouse; in fact, extraordinary growth awaits a woman willing to deal with the pain of her husband's struggles with sexual purity. Even if your spouse will not participate in a program for healing, you can change your own life in powerful and permanent ways. Shattered Vows is inspired by Debra Laaser's own journey through betrayal, her extensive work with hundreds of hurting women as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and her healed marriage after her husband's infidelity. In this book, she gives you the emotional tools to develop greater intimacy in your life, spiritual tools to transform your suffering, and meaningful answers to the questions that arise amid the complex fallout of broken vows: What am I supposed to do now? Why should I get help when this is his problem? How could this have happened? Where can I hide my heart? When will I stop feeling so out of control? What do you mean, "do I want to get well?" How can I ever trust him again? Is forgiving him really possible? How can we rebuild our relationship? The pain endured from sexual betrayal can break your heart, but it does not need to break your life.
If you have been injured by a significant other's betrayal, use the tools described in this book to determine the options you have, interrupt triggers, calm down your stress levels, and become clear on what you can request. Your greatest wounding is to believe that nothing that you experienced with your significant other was real. You experience an out-of-the-blue grief response to the sudden loss of what you thought was your life. At some point you need to mourn the relationship you thought you had. Reactions such as anger, sadness, numbness or craving to go out and cheat yourself show the humongous loss. The betrayal wound causes you to no longer trust your significant other and yourself. You have many questions: Was my relationship with the one who betrayed me an illusion? What’s my sense of reality that I did not see the dual life of the one who betrayed me sooner? How could I have entrusted myself and my family to a person I did not know? You have been wounded on so many levels. At the same time, betrayal trauma is not your fault. Pick up this manual for keys to unlocking freedom and a clear vision to moving forward. "This book is a got to get for anybody who wants to improve their skills and work through their own betrayal trauma, and it’s for men who clearly don’t have enough resources. I just can’t thank you, Sibylle, enough for helping this very special population heal. It’s amazing and thanks again." Carol A. Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, Author "Help Her Heal"
Many individuals are struggling to make sense of their own unwanted sexual behaviors. In Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery, Dr. Kevin Skinner begins by defining what sex addiction is and what it is not. Then, using the recovery capital model to explain what successful people do in recovery, the author provides suggestions and solutions on how to improve your own recovery capital. Learn how to overcome common barriers to recovery such as loneliness, low self-worth, and stress. Finally, recovery is not complete without learning how to be effective in relationships. The author explains how learning to love self and others can accelerate the journey to recovery.
Using a trauma-model approach, From Betrayal Trauma to Healing & Joy: A Workbook for Partners of Sex Addicts, provides a healing pathway women can follow, either individually or in a support group. Beginning with the raw pain betrayal trauma victims experience, this well-researched, soul-searching guide sensitively uses a forward-moving process, enabling women to come to understand their losses, grieve them, grow through them, and go on to heal. With a balance of educational content and penetrating, therapeutic questions, women review what has happened in their relationship and process it as they journal their answers to the workbook's self-reflective questions. As they do, they learn to use important new tools and skills and gain new strengths that equip them for the challenges they face, whether their relationship heals, or comes to an end. Chapter by chapter, women learn what it takes to share one's life with a man working to stay free from sex addiction. And as they grow and evaluate their options, they gain new insight and clarity, enabling them to choose the next best steps for their own lives. This workbook is compatible with Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, which the author wrote with Dr. Barb Steffens. And it is the 4th edition of the workbook formerly titled, Journey to Healing & Joy: A Workbook for Partners of Sex Addicts.