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Generally speaking, if there's trouble with in-laws in a family, blame is quickly assigned to the father- or mother-in-law. But they are not always to blame. Many fathers- and mothers-in-law are wonderful folks, beloved parents, good communicators, and fun-loving people. When their son or daughter ends up married to a person with immature attitudes, an abusive personality, or excessive emotional baggage, these parents are now stuck with a son- or daughter-in-law who makes their lives a living hell. What was once a loving family now finds itself turned upside down by a toxic, self-centered individual. Toxic Sons- and Daughters-in-Law helps expose the harmful attitudes and actions of a difficult son- or daughter-in-law and calls for biblical repentance and change. Untangling the destructive and dysfunctional nature of their abusive behavior will help parents manage the painful process of rejection, manipulation and anger.
I know this is a curious title, and people who have never experienced the rejection of a son at his wife's behest won't understand it. But those who have been through this experience--whose sons have married and turned against them as if they were dirt after all the years of love and care the parents gave them-will rejoice at finding this book and knowing they aren't alone. Actually, the desertion of parents by married sons is not uncommon. Would that it were! Almost every psychologist or counselor with whom I have talked knows of several instances in which it has happened. They speak of the great sorrow and agitation of the parents, mother and father alike, who can't understand why a child has turned against them. ANNE KATHRYN KILLINGER has been a concert pianist, a college professor, a Parisian model, and the wife of a widely known clergyman. She has lived in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Nashville, Birmingham, Paris, and Oxford, and now resides near Washington, DC. She is also the author of An Inner Journey to Christmas and An Inner Journey to Easter, as well as the novels, Pendleton Farm and Rachel Remembers.
A guide for parents whose adult children have cut off contact that reveals the hidden logic of estrangement, explores its cultural causes, and offers practical advice for parents trying to reestablish contact with their adult children. “Finally, here’s a hopeful, comprehensive, and compassionate guide to navigating one of the most painful experiences for parents and their adult children alike.”—Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren. As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible. While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman's insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child.
Same great book with a whole new look! RELUCTANTLY RELATED: SECRETS TO GETTING ALONG WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW OR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW is the definitive work on the all too common family dilemma of stressful relationships between mothers-in-law (MILs) and daughters-in law (DILs). Leading in-law relationship authority Dr. Deanna Brann delivers an insightful, stimulating guide for determining the root causes of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law difficulties and more importantly, provides the situation-specific, practical tools to change things for the better. While dealing with this often difficult or even painful subject, RELUCTANTLY RELATED is engaging and wonderfully readable with its extensive use of real world conversation examples and lighthearted cartoons. Dr. Brann introduces you to her witty collection of mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and husband/son personality types - from Off-the Wall Wanda to Doubting Donna to Struggling Steven - and goes on to show you how to identify the types in your own family. She then explains in everyday language how combinations of these personality types present relationship challenges, but goes on to give practical, hands-on tools for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to improve their relationship. There has never been such an entertaining yet helpful resource on the specific problems between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Revised and updated to include a new look and additional cartoons this third edition of RELUCTANTLY RELATED provides unique, straightforward help to any MIL/DIL challenged family, and should be required reading for newlyweds and their mothers!
With Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters—and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy. In more than 35 years as a therapist, Forward has worked with large numbers of women struggling to escape the emotional damage inflicted by the women who raised them. Subjected to years of criticism, competition, role-reversal, smothering control, emotional neglect and abuse, these women are plagued by anxiety and depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence, and difficulties with trust. They doubt their worth, and even their ability to love. Forward examines the Narcissistic Mother, the Competitive Mother, the Overly Enmeshed mother, the Control Freak, Mothers who need Mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse. Filled with compelling case histories, Mothers Who Can’t Love outlines the self-help techniques Forward has developed to transform the lives of her clients, showing women how to overcome the pain of childhood and how to act in their own best interests. Warm and compassionate, Mothers Who Can’t Love offers daughters the emotional support and tools they need to heal themselves and rebuild their confidence and self-respect.
In this encouraging book, Sheri McGregor helps parents of estranged adult children break free from emotional pain and move forward in their lives. With the latest research, her own experience, and insight from more than 9,000 parents, McGregor covers the growing trend of estranged adults from loving families. Devastated parents can be happy again.
How goes the husband, so goes the marriage. Do you agree? With few exceptions, a husband's loving leadership (or lack of it) sets the tone for the marriage. The trouble is, when it comes to loving leadership, most guys draw a blank. That's why this marriage book takes the form of a story. In Oops! I Forgot My Wife, Doyle Roth puts thirty-plus years of marriage counseling experience into the story of a guy named Mitch. A guy who is so bad at ?husbanding? he wakes up one morning king of an empty castle. On the brink of divorce, he learns what love really means. Told through an exchange of emails, Mitch's story is about real marriage, flaws and all. It's not pretty or sanitized, but any man willing to examine his own heart will see the truth in it and benefit greatly from his story. (On the other hand, husbands who are already perfect may know of some ?friend? who could use a wake-up call. This book would make a perfect gift for that friend's wife.)
How to recognize and cope with Parent Frustration Syndrome (PFS): negative thoughts and feelings about your children"
A series of whimsical essays by the New York Times "Social Q's" columnist provides modern advice on navigating today's murky moral waters, sharing recommendations for such everyday situations as texting on the bus to splitting a dinner check.
The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like ihatemyinlaws.com and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man’s life. Deb DeArmond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were “bad” were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith. Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she—and they—are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share. This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship’s success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb’s one motivating objective is to help womenin- law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.