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My wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree. A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?' I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.' I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences. I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.' I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.
You've heard of the lone ranger? I'm his brother hydrangea! The other night I dreamt I was eating a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow had gone! My wife just phoned me. She said, 'I've got water in the carburettor.' I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the river.' I said to the doctor, 'Doctor, I'm losing all sense of direction. What should I do?' He said, 'Get lost.' I've got a dog, you know. I have. He's a one-man dog. He only bites me. Tommy Cooper died on stage at Her Majesty's Theatre, London, twenty-five years ago in April 1984 and is still revered today as probably the greatest comedian of the second half of the 20th century. More than just a comedian, Tommy Cooper was a born entertainer. Working in a golden age of British comedy, Cooper stood - literally - head and shoulders above the crowd, and had a magical talent for humour that defied description. With a love of laughter stemming from a magic performance gone wrong when he was in his teens, Cooper enlisted in the army in 1939 and began to perfect his comic timing on his army colleagues in the Egyptian desert. The man with the fez was born.
Presents jokes on the subjects that range from 'A for Absent-minded' to 'Z for Zoo'.
The irrepressible, hysterical, puntastical Tim Vine, star of stage and screen, treats all of us here in his first joke book. Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like: The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
The first-ever joke book from one of the UK's best-loved comedians, Les Dawson's Joke Book is a must for any fan of this perennially popular comedian.
Jokes are intellectual can-openers offering surprisingly powerful insights into not only how our minds work – but into how the world around us works too. Why? Well, when you think about it, a good joke requires, demands, a very special kind of deep thinking – a kind of world-upturning, no-holds-barred problem solving. It’s the same skill that produces the great insights of art and commerce, the insight that sees solutions and creates opportunities. And yes, such skills can be approached through exercises and study, but there’s no good reason to think such sensible methods work any better than having a sense of humour. So why not, at least for a moment, throw all conventional thinking to the wind, and start re-examining the world through the very special, very beautiful prism of jokes and riddles? “With wit and irony, Martin Cohen explains the basic concepts of philosophy and incidentally introduces the most famous thinkers in history.” – Der Spiegel.
If you like a good joke (and we all know you do), then you'll get a kick out of this hilarious collection that pokes fun at all things Saskatchewan. With zingers that will tickle your funny bone, these good-natured jabs are just funny enough that they will leave you rolling in the aisles. The Great Saskatchewan Joke Book will literally make you laugh out loud. Joel Jeffrey believes that if you can't laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at?
No detailed description available for "No Joke".
The page-turning first novel in the charmingly gothic, fiendishly funny Faustian series about a brilliant scientist who makes a deal with the Devil, twice. • "The spot-on work of a talented writer." —The Denver Post Johannes Cabal sold his soul years ago in order to learn the laws of necromancy. Now he wants it back. Amused and slightly bored, Satan proposes a little wager: Johannes has to persuade one hundred people to sign over their souls or he will be damned forever. This time for real. Accepting the bargain, Jonathan is given one calendar year and a traveling carnival to complete his task. With little time to waste, Johannes raises a motley crew from the dead and enlists his brother, Horst, a charismatic vampire to help him run his nefarious road show, resulting in mayhem at every turn.
When career-girl Veronica flies to Sicily for a friend's wedding, she accidentally falls in love with one of the groom's three-hundred cousins. A year later she has given up her job, house and friends, and is planning her own wedding with her Latin Lover in the shimmering heat of Sicily.