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A tongue-in-cheek guidebook to surviving a range of unpleasant everyday scenarios.
A useful and entertaining guide to practical skills for homesteaders—or anyone who likes to do things with their own two hands. For anyone who wants to learn how to make cheese, catch a runaway pig, mend a fence post, milk a cow, or throw an unforgettable barn party, this engaging volume delivers timeless advice on accomplishing tasks big and small around the house, garden, and farm. Featuring original text and illustrations from the 1919 first edition, this volume presents a new generation of readers with expert guidance on every facet of homesteading. With projects that range from practical (ridding a yard of poison ivy) to downright bemusing (organizing a potato peeling contest), this delightful book is equal parts useful and entertaining. An ode to self-reliance brimming with wit, wisdom, and nostalgia, this is a must-have for anyone who enjoys doing things with their own two hands, on the farm or in the backyard, the kitchen, or the workshop.
From classic favorites to zany newcomers, Monkeyfarts! is packed to bursing with wild and wacky jokes about monsters, pirates, polar bears, super-heroes, hot dogs, Harry Potter, Vikings, elephants, vampires, and more. With hilarious jokes and bold illustrations, it’s the only joke book you’ll ever need. Who doesn’t love Monkeyfarts!?
New York Times bestseller An uproarious tale of romance, heartbreak, and tentacled mayhem inspired by the classic Jane Austen novel—from the publisher of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters expands the original text of the beloved Jane Austen novel with all-new scenes of giant lobsters, rampaging octopi, two-headed sea serpents, and other biological monstrosities. As our story opens, the Dashwood sisters are evicted from their childhood home and sent to live on a mysterious island full of savage creatures and dark secrets. While sensible Elinor falls in love with Edward Ferrars, her romantic sister Marianne is courted by both the handsome Willoughby and the hideous man-monster Colonel Brandon. Can the Dashwood sisters triumph over meddlesome matriarchs and unscrupulous rogues to find true love? Or will they fall prey to the tentacles that are forever snapping at their heels? This masterful portrait of Regency England blends Jane Austen’s biting social commentary with ultraviolent depictions of sea monsters biting. It’s survival of the fittest—and only the swiftest swimmers will find true love!
The only survival guide a middle school kid will ever need. It can be the best of times. It can be the worst of times, too. Middle school happens at that tumultuous time in life when one's not a teenager and not a little kid. Middle school means being a middle-aged kid. Expectations-from teachers, parents, friends, siblings-can all change dramatically, causing worry and concern even for the most laid-back student. The Middle School Survival Guide covers every issue, inside school and out, from the most trivial concerns to the most serious issues that middle school students face today. Arlene Erlbach has assembled a teen advisory board of 200 kids between fifth and tenth grade who give advice about topics from cracking a locker combination, to dealing with multiple teachers, to sex and dating.
Watch out, Junie, there's a new kid on the block! It's Freddy Thresher, a first grader who knows it's a jungle out there. A new chapter book series written by an elementary teacher who's seen it all!Freddy Thresher has a problem: a really, really, big problem. He's the only one in his class who hasn't lost a tooth! All of the other students in Mrs. Wushy's first grade have signed their names on the Big Tooth, and Freddy's determined to get his name on it, too. So when Max "The Meanie" Sellars calls Freddy a baby, Freddy decides he's going to lose that tooth one way or another, even if it means getting punched in the face at recess, or even bigger trouble, with Mom!
Reading, writing, and—wardrobe disasters? Stop tween troubles in their tracks with help from the series that has sold more than ten million copies worldwide. Homework, hormones, heartache . . . middle school has no shortage of perils. Never fear, the authors of the bestselling Worst-Case Scenario series return with a survival guide for those who are facing—or just about to face—this big transitional time in school and life. The handbook is packed with funny-but-useful tips for the trickiest situations that crop up in middle school, like taking charge of a too-busy homework schedule, dealing with a cold shoulder from a friend who has suddenly become just too cool, avoiding common e-mail and cell phone disasters, and more. Praise for the Worst-Case Scenario Survival series “What this book lacks in spiritual enlightenment, it more than makes up for with the practical advice you thought you’d never need.” —The Irish Times “Though neither written nor read in a humorous manner, the book nevertheless amuses in a strange way . . . affords some camp appeal in the tradition of outdated high school safety films.” —Publishers Weekly “There is something for everyone. It has a wide range of scenarios from dangerous to just downright irritating . . . It is fun, witty, entertaining and you learn something along the way too.” —Quill Quotes
“Tips on how to survive the bizarre—an alien abduction, vampires, and zombies, and how to pack for time travel . . . Humor-filled . . . Enjoyable.” —School Library Journal The authors of the best-selling Worst-Case Scenario series are back with a hilarious (and helpful!) handbook that’s a blast through space, time, history, and the imagination. Adventurous kids can find out how to survive a Mars landing, fight a werewolf, deal with a Bigfoot sighting, outwit a leprechaun, prepare for time travel to the prehistoric, ancient, and medieval world, and more. Peppered with historical and scientific facts along with wisdom from folklore, this book in the New York Times–bestselling series will amaze, amuse, and delight.