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What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? Fowl Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card These and many more howlers to make you laugh even if we lose the Cup!!!
Football is obviously very serious business – like when that disallowed goal was 'never off-side', and that was 'totally a dive' – but it’s a funny old game really. This compendium of hilarious jokes will help you see the lighter side when your team is showing you up, and give your mates a good chuckle at the celebrations when they win.
Perfect for football fans who like a good giggle, Football Jokes is filled with hundreds of the most hilarious football jokes around! With funny illustrations by Jane Eccles, young footie fanatics will be laughing through those all-important World Cup games, Premier League matches and European Cup finals. When is a footballer like a baby? When he dribbles. Who's in goal when the ghost team plays football? The ghoulie, of course Why is a football crowd learning to sing like a person opening a tin of sardines? They both have trouble with the key. How can a footballer stop his nose running? Put out a foot and trip it up.
Over 2,000 sporting funnies from every sport: football, rugby, cricket, golf, boxing, snooker and beyond... Two men fishing on a river bank in a canal in London on a Saturday afternoon miles away from a radio or TV. Suddenly one man turns to the other and says, 'Spurs have lost again.' The other man is astonished and says, 'How on earth do you know that?' The other man replies, 'It's quarter to five.' After the success of the George Foreman grill, Audley Harrison is launching his own toaster. The problem is it can only do four rounds. What does Steve Harmison put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket? A bat
A collection of anecdotes, jokes, and riddles about the game of football.
Timeless advice about how to use humor to win over any audience Can jokes win a hostile room, a hopeless argument, or even an election? You bet they can, according to Cicero, and he knew what he was talking about. One of Rome’s greatest politicians, speakers, and lawyers, Cicero was also reputedly one of antiquity’s funniest people. After he was elected commander-in-chief and head of state, his enemies even started calling him “the stand-up Consul.” How to Tell a Joke provides a lively new translation of Cicero’s essential writing on humor alongside that of the later Roman orator and educator Quintilian. The result is a timeless practical guide to how a well-timed joke can win over any audience. As powerful as jokes can be, they are also hugely risky. The line between a witty joke and an offensive one isn’t always clear. Cross it and you’ll look like a clown, or worse. Here, Cicero and Quintilian explore every aspect of telling jokes—while avoiding costly mistakes. Presenting the sections on humor in Cicero’s On the Ideal Orator and Quintilian’s The Education of the Orator, complete with an enlightening introduction and the original Latin on facing pages, How to Tell a Joke examines the risks and rewards of humor and analyzes basic types that readers can use to write their own jokes. Filled with insight, wit, and examples, including more than a few lawyer jokes, How to Tell a Joke will appeal to anyone interested in humor or the art of public speaking.
Why did Father Christmas start sneezing as he went down the chimney? Because he had the floo! How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed. These and many more hilarious jokes for a very merry Christmas!
Football is a great game.The skill and grace of a Johan Cruff, Diego Maradona or Lionel Messi. The ecstasy of that great victory for your team or country. And the agony of defeat or relegation after a hard-fought campaign. Just that alone makes football the world's greatest sport.But the icing on the cake is that footballers tend not to think too much before speaking. This has given us some of the funniest quotes of all time. This book is a collection of the author's favourite players and managers from around the world and his favourite funny quotes. Some real classics that will have you in stitches!
Ever wondered why it is called a 'try' in rugby? How referees got their name? Why the King of the Mountains' jersey in the Tour de France is red and white? Why you can't have a square football pitch? What ambidextrous really means? This book contains thousands of facts and jokes that anyone interested in sport would love to know.
Saint and Greavsie, sport's most loved double-act, have entertained millions of people over the years - first on the football pitches of their respective clubs and countries, then later together on the nation's television screens. They've collected a vast array of stories along the way from fellow sportspeople and pundits: some comical, some crazy, and most downright unbelievable, but all of them thoroughly entertaining. In Saint and Greavsie's Funny Old Games the duo have reunited to tell the very best of these anecdotes in their own unmistakeable style. Containing tales from the dressing-room, secrets about some of the world's biggest stars, and amazing facts from across the sporting spectrum, this hilarious book is the perfect read for any sports fan.