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If you've ever thought, 'I wish I'd said that', The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotationswill ensure you're never short of a joke, quip or put-down again. Over 5,500 quotations from the funniest people of the past hundred years are here- from George Bernard Shaw ('I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation') to Woody Allen ('it's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens') and, of course, Homer Simpson ('To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!'). As well as such comedic luminaries, this book also contains witticisms from t-shirt slogans, internet sites and the ever-inventive Anon., and ranges across themes from adultery and advertising to youth and even Yugoslavia.
From Woody Allen to P.G. Wodehouse, the last hundred years offer a rich banquet of humor. Just about any topic under the sun can inspire witty remarks. Fred Metcalf's clearly cross-referenced anthology provides countless gems--ideal for after-dinner speakers, would-be wags, and anyone in search of hours of amusement.
Writer, broadcaster, and wit Gyles Brandreth has completely revised Ned Sherrin's classic collection of wisecracks, one-liners, and anecdotes. Add sparkle to your speeches and presentations, or just enjoy a good laugh in company with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Joan Rivers, Kathy Lette, Frankie Boyle, and friends.
This hilarious collection of humorous quotations, full of wisecracks and wit, snappy comments and inspired fantasy, has been specially compiled by the late broadcaster and raconteur Ned Sherrin, with a foreword by leading British satirist, Alistair Beaton. Now packed with even more quotes and covering more subjects than before, from Weddings to the Supernatural, Australia to Headlines. Find the best lines from your favourite jokesters and wordsmiths, add that extra something to a speech or presentation, or just enjoy a good laugh. 'A chair is a piece of furniture. I am not a chair because no one has ever sat on me.' Ann Widdecombe on the announcement that Parliamentary language will now be gender-neutral. 'No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off 'I don't like Mondays' for 30 years.' Russell Brand On deciding to run for governor of California: 'The most difficult decision I've ever made in my entire life, except for the one in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.' Arnold Schwarzenegger 'Wanting to know an author because you like his work is like wanting to know a duck because you like p--acirc--;t--eacute--;.' Margaret Atwood 'I am so sorry. We have to stop there. I have just come to the end of my personality.' Quentin Crisp, closing down an interview
This entertaining book presents hundreds of humorous jokes, quotations, and one-liners compiled from a variety of sources (medical literature, books, magazines, the internet, movies, television, remarks made at conferences or rounds, lectures, comic routines). The text is organized alphabetically allowing readers to browse through the book randomly, or focus on particular topics of interest. Sample subject headings include Academia, Aphorisms, Atrophy, Bedside Manner, Beepers, Case Reports, Chicken Soup, Dieting, Epitaphs, Fatigue, Health Food, Insanity, Jogging, Lab Tests, Lawyers, Middle Age, Motherhood, Night Calls, Obesity, Phobias, Quacks, Retirement, Snoring, Teenagers, Turfing, Ulcers, Vacations, Wellness, Zoonoses. There is cross-referencing throughout the book for easy location of additional topics of interest. Offers nuggets of wisdom within humorous one-liners Provides a quick laugh or pick-me-up at the end of a busy day Helps promote better communication among colleagues, students, and patients Material in this book can be used during lectures and hospital rounds, conferences, with office staff, and by speakers who need funny lines to spice up their presentations to medical professionals
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There you are, writing a letter or a speech, or even just arguing with your friends, when you think: there must be a succint way of putting this. Surely a single one-liner could do a better job than my own ill-chosen and long-winded words? Thankfully, we have the epigram - that handy, witty saying that closes arguments, sets people thinking and generally makes everyone else think you're much cleverer than you really are. The Penguin Dictionary of Epigrams is arranged thematically, covering everything from birth and death, knowledge and ignorance to marriage and divorce and madness and sanity.
Dip into this book for personal inspiration and reflection, or to provide some pithy quotations that will add sparkle to your presentations, handouts, articles, essays, websites or speeches.
“America is a land of wonders, in which everything is in constant motion and every change seems an improvement.... No natural boundary seems to be set to the efforts of man; and in his eyes what is not yet done is only what he has not yet attempted to do”—Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America (1835). “Americans will pay a big price for an invention that will help them save time they don’t know what to do with”—Anonymous. This collection of quotations—both serious and humorous—about America is divided into 19 main topics: The Nation, The American People, Places, Nature, Mind, The Individual, Human Relations, Social Life, Culture and Media, Literature and Language, Religion and Belief, Past and Future, History, War and the Military, International Relations, Politics and Government, Law and Order, Business and Economy, and Food. Each main topic is divided into subtopics; for example, “Culture and Media” has these: Architecture, Art, Charlie Chaplin, Dance, Fashion, Intellectuals, Marilyn Monroe, Movies, Music, Elvis Presley, and Television. The author attributes each quote to its speaker, author or composer, and wherever possible, provides the date of the quote and the name of the work in which it was published. In the case of uncertainty about the exact date of a quote, the author provides the birth and death dates of the person to whom the quote is attributed. Also included are a keyword and subject index and a speaker index.