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Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without impulse-priced holiday gift books—and now The Onion has unleashed its award-winning team of investigative journalists upon the genre. Christmas Exposed features more than one hundred shocking tales of Secret Santas, shopping mall mayhem, dysfunctional family dinners, and much, much more.
100+ funny Christmas stories about secret Santas, dysfunctional families, epic blizzards, and much more—all from the pages of America’s finest (satirical) news source. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without impulse-priced holiday gift books—and now The Onion has unleashed its award-winning team of investigative journalists upon the genre. Featuring entertaining illustrations and over 100 shocking holiday stories, Christmas Exposed is the perfect gift book for smart alecks everywhere.
"The Onion is laugh-out-loud, go-tell-your-friends, get-angry-you-didn't-think-of-it funny." -Conan O'Brien "Outside of maybe Dario Fo, an Italian who few are sure exists, the Onion people make the most consistently perfect and excoriating social commentary we currently have. But will those Nobel bastards honor them, too? Only God, our merciless and just God, knows." -Dave Eggers "The funniest publication in the United States." -The New Yorker "This publication is tasteless and destructive to our shared values. Read it for yourself and you'll see what I mean. Seriously, what else could make me laugh-much less laugh uproariously-while being offended week after week after week?" -Al Gore "The Onion is the funniest thing in news since Dan Rather's spooky stare." -Matt Groening "Brutal satire that rushes into the far reaches of race, class, sexuality, and culture where many publications-and critics-fear to tread." -Chicago Tribune "The Onion, unlike any other entity in our media culture, offers a refreshingly honest look at our complicated life." -Ken Burns
A pocket-sized gift book guide to the best hard-hitting insults for every occasion. This handy little book is packed with insulting gestures, backhanded compliments, comebacks, all the things you should never say about someone's mama, and much more! Including: • Insulting Someone’s Intelligence • Insulting Someone’s Sexual Prowess • Insults for the Office • Insults on Game Day • Insults throughout History • Insults from around the World
The Onion has quickly become the world's most popular humor publication, misinforming half a million readers a week with one-of-a-kind social satire both in print (on newsstands nationwide) and online from its remote office in Madison, Wisconsin. Witness the march of history as Editor-in-Chief Scott Dikkers and The Onion's award-winning writing staff present the twentieth century like you've never seen it before.
The annual Burns dinner at Thornford Regis is an occasion for bagpipes, haggis and scotch. It ends up an occasion for tragedy when Will Moir, one of the pipers, is found alone, in a tower, dead of an apparent heart attack. Father Tom Christmas, the vicar of the town, is privy to all of the secrets of its inhabitants, and is one of the first to find out that Will Moir was poisoned. The town's suspicions go in many directions, and Christmas soon learns secrets that have been kept for generations--illicit trysts, even murders--the ramifications of which may have fallen onto poor Will Moir. Brimming with wit, laced with genuine surprise and featuring one of the most memorable (and unlikely) detectives in the cozy genre today, Eleven Pipers Piping mines the rich history of a small town to solve its most stunning crime.
In the sacred and honorable tradition of The Onion comes a hilarious and outrageous collection of "church newsletters" that gleefully skewer America's religious right. The Godly ministers at Landover Baptist Church (Guaranteeing Salvation Since 1612!) have been sending out their newsletters for years, helping save those headed for damnation from falling into the devil's clutches. Making sure that no Christian is left behind, and that all non-believers burn in Hell, Pastor Deacon Fred and his band of merry white preachers share such righteous wisdom as "How children can win a Playstation 3 by accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior" and "How to prevent Santa from turning Macy's into Neverland Ranch." Complete with Bible Quizzes, Sacrilegious Sidebars, and mug shots of America's damned, WELCOME TO JESUSLAND! is sure to become a classic of religious and political humor-while cleansing heathens from the Earth (or at least from those pesky Blue States).
Make some real man food with this handy pocket-sized reference. We’re mixing bacon with brownies! We’re pouring beer into chili! We’re stirring up tomato gravy so thick and tasty, we refuse to call it sauce! This easy pocket-sized companion shows you how to make all the food a man can’t live without, including: · Hearty Breakfast Classics · Sandwiches, Burgers, and Snacks · Meat and Potato Dinners · Beer, Bacon, and Bar Food · Chocolate, Cheesecake, and More Plus a quick, no-frills guide to culinary rules and tools. We break it all down so you can cook like a master!
Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information -- such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.
This pocket-size gift book is a thinking man's arsenal of quotes, quips, and comebacks filled with wit, insight, and genius. Perfect for the guy who knows everything and wants the words to match! This little book offers in-depth investigations into "who said what," counterquotes for common clichés, and tips for citing sayings without sounding stupid. Never be at a loss for words again! Includes quotes from: · Aristotle · Abraham Lincoln · Nelson Mandela · George Carlin · And more!