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This is the best-ever collection of those catchy Irish rhymes – from squeaky-clean to the moderately filthy. With over 2,000 silly, political, modern, classic, and more to choose from, there is bound to be a limerick to get you giggling. This giant collection includes Irish classics called out in corner pubs for decades as well as many new verses specifically created to be read here. Creators include Spike Milligan, Mark Twain, Michael Palin, Lewis Carroll, Isaac Asimov, Robert Louis Stevenson, Rudyard Kipling, W.H. Auden, and many, many more.
If you've ever wondered what happened to the young fellow from Malta who bought his grandfather an altar... If you're concerned about the camper called Jack who found a huge snake in his pack... And if you suspect that an eccentric landowner called Grey spent Christmas a very strange way but aren't sure precisely what that entailed... Then a dip into Michael Palin's Sackful of Limericks will provide all the answers – and a lot of fun besides.
Winner of the 1974 National Book Award "The most profound and accomplished American novel since the end of World War II." - The New Republic “A screaming comes across the sky. . .” A few months after the Germans’ secret V-2 rocket bombs begin falling on London, British Intelligence discovers that a map of the city pinpointing the sexual conquests of one Lieutenant Tyrone Slothrop, U.S. Army, corresponds identically to a map showing the V-2 impact sites. The implications of this discovery will launch Slothrop on an amazing journey across war-torn Europe, fleeing an international cabal of military-industrial superpowers, in search of the mysterious Rocket 00000.
Out of Control chronicles the dawn of a new era in which the machines and systems that drive our economy are so complex and autonomous as to be indistinguishable from living things.
Surely it can't be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in the UK which unlike Leeds or Devizes doesn't already have a classic filthy limerick to call its own. From Land's End to John o' Groats, The Great British Limerick Book has a filthy limerick for your town, for your uncle's town, for your cousin's husband's ex-wife's town .... as long as it's in the UK and as long as it isn't one of those few places that are really impossible to find a rhyme for. There are over 900 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy. Guildford, Surrey. At McDonald's in Guildford in Surrey, I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry, I had to act quick, To cool down my dick, So I stuck it into my McFlurry. Nuneaton, Warwickshire. There was a young man from Nuneaton, Who really enjoyed being beaten, And squeezing his knackers, With a pair of nut crackers, And riding a bike with no seat on. Bath, Somerset. There was a professor from Bath, Who employed twenty-five research staff, To measure size and direction, Of his every erection, And to plot the results on a graph. The Isle of Skye, Scotland. When I was on the Isle of Skye, I overdid the old Spanish fly, I had a stiff member, From the fourth of December, Till Friday the tenth of July. Ashington, Northumberland. In Ashington there was a miner, Whose wife was a fashion designer, One night to his shock, She dressed him up as a cock, And herself as a six foot vagina. Hackney, Greater London. As a chemist I worked once in Hackney, And invented a treatment for acne, But one ingredi-ent, Was semen I'd spent, And they thought that good reason to sack me.
A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'
Holy Moldy Bread Contest! Kiester strikes again with four more stories plus mini-lessons, writing workshops, and a complete grammar reference. Solid classroom-proven techniques turn students into better writers. Includes teacher keys, tests, and special notes for the home school teacher. A time-saver that really works!
"Gass has produced a book that burrows inside us then wails like a beast, a book that mainlines a century's terror direct to the brain."--Voice Literary Supplement