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Boys who don't play sports are often the targets of bullying, but a boy's worst bully may be the one he can't see: society's expectations about how he should act, how he should relate, and how he should play. Overlooked by a society that reinforces impossible standards of "masculinity," boys who are uninterested in competitive sports or have non-aggressive personalities are often vilified and bullied for being different as they grow up in the shadow of America's obsession with bigger, faster, richer, and stronger. Through a fascinating assortment of in-depth interviews, clinical case studies, and examples from popular literature, Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette and Beth Margolis Rupp illustrate how these boys are relegated to a second-class social status simply because they can't make a free throw or because they can spell better than they can run. Compassionate, empowering, and instructive, The Last Boys Picked will help parents, teachers, coaches, and caregivers identify the social and emotional hurdles that these boys face. It offers specific action steps to help any child build resilience and a healthy self-esteem-and tips for talking to them about their experiences and teaching them to face the schoolyard-and the world-with confidence.
What started out as typical "boys will be boys" teasing and horseplay turned into a living nightmare for Kevin Kearns who learned that his once safe neighborhood turned into a war zone of bullies. Small for his age, and not as physically adept at playing sports as all the other boys in the neighborhood, Kevin was soon the kid who was always picked last for the ball games. Up at bat, he endured merciless teasing, dropping the ball in the outfield earned him the lasting derision of his teammates. "We'd be better off without him!" While some of the incidents seem shocking, bullying goes on everywhere. There is no such thing as "boys will be boys" if it excuses bullying behavior. After losing his father at a young age, Kevin felt adrift and alone...a perfect target for intensified bullying. His mother felt helpless. His teachers felt sorry for him. His uncle decided that he needed to learn to defend himself and enrolled Kevin in a martial arts program. The martial arts training certainly taught Kevin how to defend himself, but more importantly, it taught him what it meant to be successful at something. It developed his self-esteem and helped him to overcome the environment of bullying at school and at home. Kevin's early introduction into martial arts turned into a lifelong passion of personal and physical development. Today, Kevin is known as Coach Kearns to many people, among them UFC fighters who turn to Kevin to learn how to improve their skills. If you are being bullied, or know someone who is, Kevin's story serves as proof that there is a way out and that life after being bullied can be fulfilling and enduring.
"If you are the parent of a boy . . . this is the book you need . . . insightful, enlightened, practical." —Peggy Orenstein, New York Times bestselling author of Boys & Sex From the dad who created the viral tweet supporting his son wearing nail polish, this essential parenting guide shares 36 parenting tips for battling gender norms, bringing down "man up" culture, and helping sons realize their potential. Our boys are in a crisis. Toxic masculinity and tough guy-ism are on display daily from our leaders, and we see anger, dysfunction, violence, and depression in young men who are suffocated by harmful social codes. Our young sons are told to stop throwing like a girl. They hear phrases like “man up” when they cry. They are told “boys will be boys” when they behave badly. The “Girl Power” movement has encouraged women to be whoever and do whatever they want, but that sentiment is not often extended to boys. Just watch the bullying when boys try ballet, paint their fingernails, or play with a doll. But we can treat this problem—and the power lies in the hands of parents. It's not only possible to raise boys who aren't emotionally stifled and shoved into stereotypical gender boxes; it's vital if we want a generation of men who can express their emotions, respect women, and help nurse society back to a halfway healthy place. We can reframe manhood. From Aaron Gouveia, who gained viral fame after tweeting his support for his son’s painted fingernails (and who knows toxic masculinity very well), learn practical and actionable tips such as: Don’t accept different standards for moms and dads Teach boys that “girl” is not an insult and retire phrases like “boys will be boys” Show boys that expressing their emotions and being physical is a good thing Let boys pursue nontraditional interests and hobbies Talk to boys about consent and privilege Model healthy and respectful relationships for boys to emulate Penned with equal parts humor, biting snark, and lived advice, Raising Boys to Be Good Men is the essential parenting guide for raising sons to realize their potential outside the box. ​
David Benjamin's eponymous character in The Life and Times of the Last Kid Picked grew up in the era - between child labor and Little League - when parental disregard set kids free to devise and play their own games, make their own rules, argue their own disputed calls and roam free from dawn to darkness with absolutely no adult supervision. It was a time, between the end of World War II and the wholesale intrusion of parents into child's play, that Benjamin calls "free-lance childhood." It allowed a timid, bookish and intensely observant kid to explore the outdoors, range for miles on his bicycle, go fishing, go hunting, play baseball, football, soccer, go to the movies with a fellow rascal named Chucky Dutcher and get kicked out of high-school basketball games. This was an interval in American culture that has been overlooked by historians and sociologists alike. It comes to life in vivid and often hilarious microcosm, chronicled by a gifted and often lyrical writer.