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Debates about family, property, and nation in Tamil India
To begin with I’d like to talk about my wife. To love means, in addition to many other things, to delight in gazing upon and observing the beloved. --From Conjugal Love When Silvio, a rich Italian dilettante, and his beautiful wife agree to move to the country and forgo sex so that he will have the energy to write a successful novel, something is bound to go wrong: Silvio’s literary ambitions are far too big for his second-rate talent, and his wife Leda is a passionate woman. This dangerously combustible situation is set off when Leda accuses Antonio, the local barber who comes every morning to shave Silvio, of trying to molest her. Silvio obstinately refuses to dismiss him, and the quarrel and its shattering consequences put the couple’s love to the test.
Peter Kalellis, a practicing psychotherapist and family counselor, offers here practical advice for spouses or those in a committed relationship that clarifies the potential within each person to make their marriage or relationship better. A good marriage begins with a man and w woman who form a loving relationship, psychologically sound, that provides stability, financial security, and material benefits. A serious relationship consists of personal needs, attitudes, ambitions, expectations and issues that require solutions. Emphasis is placed on what one partner does and how the other responds. Feelings and attitudes, both conscious and unconscious, are gradually revealed, and reciprocal attention must be paid so they do not become obstacles in the relationship. The purpose of reciprocity is to bring emotional stability and happiness to both partners. The degree of satisfaction that each spouse derives from the other and the relationship depend on how well expectations are met. Most people pursue physical pleasures or various forms of self-gratification. "When I obtain this or am free of that--then I will be okay." Invariably, any satisfaction that we obtain--accumulation of material wealth or physical pleasure--is short-lived and usually is projected onto the future. This mindset creates the illusion of happiness in the married life. True happiness can be attained as each spouse faces the realities of marriage, and takes personal responsibility of his or her part. This book provides tools for a better relationship and suggests that the couple become aware of God's presence in their life. As our world is going through critical times, couples begin to realize that there is no satisfactory answer in whatever options society offers. But most people find comfort in returning to God, who is the sources of life and provider of all good things. +
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
This collection of essays by liberal and feminist philosophers addresses the question of whether marriage reform ought to stop with same-sex marriage. Some philosophers have recently argued that marriage is illiberal and should be abolished or radically reformed to include groups and non-romantic friendships. In response, Simon May argues that marriage law can be justified without an illiberal appeal to an ideal relationship type, and Ralph Wedgwood argues that the liberal values which justify same-sex marriage do not justify further extension. Other authors argue for new legal forms for intimate relationships. Marriage abolitionist Clare Chambers argues that piecemeal directives rather than relationship contracts should replace marriage, and Samantha Brennan and Bill Cameron argue for separating marriage and parenting, with parenting rather than marriage becoming, legally and socially, the foundation of the family. Elizabeth Brake argues for a non-hierarchical friendship model for marriage. Peter de Marneffe argues that polygamy should be decriminalized, but that the liberal state need not recognize it, while Laurie Shrage argues that polygamy could be legally structured to protect privacy and equality. Dan Nolan argues for temporary marriage as a legal option, while Anca Gheaus argues that marital commitments are problematic instruments for securing the good of romantic and sexual love. Taken together, these essays challenge contemporary understandings of marriage and the state's role in it.
"During a recent day-time television talk show a young woman was informed that her husband had offered her best friend 500 dollars to have sex with him. Needless to say, the young woman (the wife) became very angry and she (along with the talk-show host and most of the audience present) viewed this act as an egregious betrayal"--
Divorce rates are at an all-time high. But without a theoretical understanding of the processes related to marital stability and dissolution, it is difficult to design and evaluate new marriage interventions. The Mathematics of Marriage provides the foundation for a scientific theory of marital relations. The book does not rely on metaphors, but develops and applies a mathematical model using difference equations. The work is the fulfillment of the goal to build a mathematical framework for the general system theory of families first suggested by Ludwig Von Bertalanffy in the 1960s.The book also presents a complete introduction to the mathematics involved in theory building and testing, and details the development of experiments and models. In one "marriage experiment," for example, the authors explored the effects of lowering or raising a couple's heart rates. Armed with their mathematical model, they were able to do real experiments to determine which processes were affected by their interventions. Applying ideas such as phase space, null clines, influence functions, inertia, and uninfluenced and influenced stable steady states (attractors), the authors show how other researchers can use the methods to weigh their own data with positive and negative weights. While the focus is on modeling marriage, the techniques can be applied to other types of psychological phenomena as well.
In contrast to the popular view of human sexuality, the Catholic Church promotes an understanding that not only includes unique considerations on the ethical level but also appreciates the most profound aspects of sexuality. In this insightful study, Donald Asci shows how the Catholic concept of sexuality and sexual intercourse articulates the ethical norms by which these profound realities are preserved. The teachings of the Church open the path to a fulfillment that only the deepest aspects of sexuality can supply. Beyond the moral norms of the Church's sexual ethics lies a theology of sexuality that recalls what is at stake in the realm of sexual activity. Thus, the Church not only affirms marriage as the only morally acceptable context for sexual intercourse, but also develops a specific concept of the conjugal act for husband and wife. ""Asci's study is a great help in showing the beauty of the Church's teaching on the truly personal character of the conjugal act as love-giving, life-giving, grace-giving and in providing the wider theological understanding of the human person, male and female, that serves as the context for this teaching."" -William E. May, Author, Marriage: The Rock on Which the Family is Built
Since our first publication of Thriving Marriages, we have given seminars on its content to over 300,000 people across the United States. Two areas emerged that needed further clarification and elaboration: how to make conflict resolution more effective and how to communicate our needs more clearly. As a result, we have rewritten Chapter 10: Solving Conflicts with Wisdom and Respect. The new chapter simplifies the conflict resolution process focusing on the role of Understanding, Validating and Acting, which we refer to as the UVA response. This type of emphathic response allows people to integrate their differences and transform the conflict into an opportunity to grow in their unity. The chapter also includes a new questionnaire which covers the skills required and can be used as a tool to engage in constructive dialogue. For those of you involved in Marriage and Family Life, Religious Education, and Adult Faith Formation ministries, we invite you to include this new edition of Thriving Marriages in your curriculum and ministries as well as our different audio formation materials that accompany it.