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If you think Joan Rivers said funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things ONSTAGE, wait ’til you read the funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things she said OFFSTAGE…things that will make you laugh out loud…and keep Melissa in therapy for the foreseeable future. The only thing my mother loved more than making people laugh was lying…or as she’d say, “embellishing.” Her motto was: “Why let the truth ruin a good story?” This book contains some of those stories. ***************** “When Joan told a story, the truth disappeared faster than I did.” — Jimmy Hoffa “If you thought Dante’s Inferno was hot, read Lies My Mother Told Me; it’s a five-alarmer.” — Dante’s second wife, Allie “Twelve of my twenty-six personalities loved this book.” — Sybil “The words on the page absolutely crackle and spark; I burned my fingers reading it!” — Annie Sullivan “The Bible may be the good book, but Lies My Mother Told Me is way funnier.” — Matthew 2:14 The Jets. 7 “Lies My Mother Told Me is the feel-good book of 2022.” — Torquemada “All’s not well that ends well. I’ve had massages with happier endings.” — Wm. Shakespeare “Melissa, I don’t care what your mother said in this book, I LOVE your bangs.” — Mamie Eisenhower “Lies My Mother Told Me is so funny even those ‘woke’ m***********s will laugh.” — Lenny Bruce
The final installment in Sam's epic trilogy about coming of age in the South.
The perfect addition to every family’s home library and just right for sharing aloud, American Tall Tales introduces readers to America’s first folk heroes in nine wildly exaggerated and downright funny stories. Here are Paul Bunyan, that king-sized lumberjack who could fell “ten white pines with a single swing”; John Henry, with his mighty hammer; Mose, old New York’s biggest, bravest fireman; Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind, who could “outgrin, outsnort, outrun, outlift, outsneeze, outsleep, outlie any varmint”; and other uniquely American characters, together in one superb collection. In the tradition of the original nineteenth-century storytellers, Mary Pope Osborne compiles, edits, and adds her own two cents’ worth—and also supplies fascinating historical headnotes. Michael McCurdy’s robust colored wood engravings recall an earlier time, perfectly capturing all the vitality of the men and women who carved a new country out of the North American wilderness.
Tall Tales for Small People takes ordinarykids into a magical world where theyaddress childhood problems. Feeling leftout, bullying, learning to share, and adozen other common childhood trials arecleverly solved in each book using brains,bravery, kindness, and magic.
In basketball, just as in American culture, the 1970s were imperfect. But it was a vitally important time in the development of the nation and of the National Basketball Association. During this decade Americans suffered through the war in Vietnam and Nixon’s Watergate cover-up (not to mention disco music and leisure suits) while the NBA weathered the arrival of free agency and charges that its players were “too black.” Despite this turmoil, or perhaps because of it, the NBA evolved into a cultural phenomenon. Tall Tales and Short Shorts: Dr. J, Pistol Pete, and the Birth of the Modern NBA traces the evolution of the NBA from the retirement of Bill Russell in 1969 to the arrival of Larry Bird and Magic Johnson ten years later. Sandwiched between the youthful league of the sixties and its mature successor in the eighties, this book reveals the awkward teenage years of the NBA in the seventies. It examines the many controversies that plagued the league during this time, including illicit drug use, on-court violence, and escalating player salaries. Yet even as attendance dwindled and networks relegated playoff games to tape-delayed, late-night broadcasts, fans still pulled on floppy gray socks like “Pistol Pete” Maravich, emulated Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s sweeping skyhook, and grew out mushrooming afros à la “Dr. J” Julius Erving. The first book-length treatment of pro basketball in the 1970s, Tall Tales and Short Shorts brings to life the players, teams, and the league as a whole as they dealt with expansion, a merger with the ABA, and transitioning into a new era. Sport historians and basketball fans will enjoy this entertaining and enlightening survey of an often-overlooked time in the development of the NBA.
Doña Flor is a giant woman who lives in a puebla with lots of families. She loves her neighbors–she lets the children use her flowers for trumpets, and the families use her leftover tortillas for rafts. So when a huge puma is terrifying the village, of course Flor is the one to investigate. Featuring Spanish words and phrases throughout, as well as a glossary, Pat Mora’s story, along with Raúl Colón’s glorious artwork, makes this a treat for any reader, tall or small. Award-winning author Pat Mora’s previous book with Raúl Colón, Tomás and the Library Lady, received the Tomás Rivera Mexican American Children’s Book Award, an IRA Teacher’s Choice Award, a Skipping Stones Award, and was also named a Texas Bluebonnet Award Master List title and an Americas Award for Children’s and Young Adult Literature commended title. She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
New York Times #1 bestselling author Jeffrey Archer, a master of the short-story form, joins forces with renowned illustrator Paul Cox to re-imagine twenty of his most popular and fêted short stories alongside beautifully rendered watercolor illustrations in The Short, The Long and the Tall. Find out what happens to the hapless young detective from Naples who travels to an Italian hillside town to solve a murder and ends up falling in love; and the pretentious schoolboy whose discovery of the origins of his father’s wealth changes his life forever. Revel in the stories of the woman who dares to challenge the men at her Ivy League university during the 1930s, and another young woman who thumbs a lift and has an encounter she will never forget. Discover the haunting story about four men whose characters are tested to the point of death. Finally, a short parable about how pointless war is, and how decent people are caught up in the crossfire of their leaders’ ambitions. This will be a must-buy for dedicated fans of the work of both author and illustrator, and includes the following short stories: Never Stop on the Motorway Cheap at Half the Price Who Killed the Mayor? It Can’t be October Already Stuck on You The Grass is Always Greener The Queen’s Birthday Telegram Clean Sweep Ignatius The First Miracle Caste Off A Wasted Hour Just Good Friends Christina Rosenthal A Gentleman and a Scholar The Road to Damascus Old Love A Good Toss to Lose One Man’s Meat Endgame Confession
Designed with budding readers in mind, each of these tales starring familiar nursery rhyme characters is set in three columns with color-coded type as a script for two voices to read separately and together. By the creators of You Read to Me,
Tall Tales of a Short Clown is the story of Barry Lubin, whose alter ego, Grandma, became one of the most successful clowns in American history, and was named "The World's Funniest Grandma" in Germany. Barry has entertained well over a hundred million people in circus rings, stadiums, arenas, on stage, in festivals, in films, and on television as the funny little carpetbagger with a mischievous view of the world. Barry is undoubtedly the only person to have achieved the combination of performing a running headstand onto a whoopee cushion on stage at Carnegie Hall, eating well over 10,000 bagels, and managing to piss off Ringo Starr, Meryl Streep, Gene Kelly, and Bruce Springstein as well as being inducted into the International Clown Hall of Fame. Tall Tales of a Short Clown follows Barry's journey from Emerson College dropout to Clown College graduate, from his early failures on the Greatest Show on Earth to his induction into the Ring of Fame, the highest honor in clowning and in circus. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and alcoholism and his journey into sobriety, his bout with thyroid cancer and his triumphant return to the ring, and his love affair with audiences on six continents over five decades, to earn his place as one of the most beloved clowns in history.
"A Tall Tale About The Dog With The Polka Dotted Tail" is a cute and lovable story about an outcast dog, with a most unusual tail, who learns that he is perfect just the way he is.