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Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead.
Scapegoats are a universal phenomenon, appearing in all societies at all times in groups large and small, in public and private organizations. Hardly a week passes without some media reference to someone or something being made a scapegoat. Tom Douglas examines the process of scapegoating from the perspectives of victims and perpetrators, tracing its development from earliest times as rite of atonement to the modern forms of the avoidance of blame and the victimisation of innocents. The differences and similarities between the ancient and modern forms are examined to reveal that despite the modern logical explanations of behaviour, the mystical element in the form of superstition is still evident. Directly responding to the Diploma in Social Work's call for texts on anti-discriminatory practice Scapegoats should become essential reading for all social workers in training and practice. Will also be a invaluable resource for all professionals engaging in groupwork and group workers in training.
The inspiring new book from the author of Emotional Bullshit reveals why no one is to blame-but everyone's accountable. For many, a rare day goes by in which the need to blame does not arise-be it to cover one's own errors or just to assign an unfortunate event some kind of name (i.e., "If only X hadn't said X, we wouldn't be in this mess.") And even for those who are somewhat better at keeping the impulse in check-it is still there. According to psychologist Carl Alasko, blame is such an intrinsic part of how we humans communicate that we rarely take a look at what we're actually doing-and how it can affect our relationships. In this book, Alasko reveals that the need to assign blame when something bad happens stems from a very deep desire we all share to "see justice done". Understandable when a grave crime has been committed, but it can become a dangerous habit if we begin to operate as though placing blame were somehow necessary if we want to change something or someone in our world. Yet this feeling that "someone has to pay" is seldom productive in initiating positive change. In Beyond Blame, Alasko teaches readers to recognize destruction that blame causes in their lives-oftentimes without their even being aware-and to put an end to it once and for all. The path to eliminating blame is not a quick or easy one but, as Carl Alasko demonstrates, it is a road that must be traveled if we hope to achieve true peace in our lives.
In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works, how you can decide which relationships can be saved and which you have to walk away from—and how to gasproof your life so you'll avoid gaslighting relationship. Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time. Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back, you wonder if your mother is right and figure that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism. If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. Are you being gaslighted? Check for these telltale signs: 1) Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse? 2) When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world? 3) Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar? 4) Do you have trouble making simple decisions and constantly second guess yourself? 5) Do you frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to your family and friends? 6) Do you feel hopeless and joyless?
From the author of Whole Again comes a significantly expanded edition of Psychopath Free—containing new chapters, updated content, and real survivor experiences—that will help you recover from emotionally abusive relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, and other toxic people. Have you ever been in a relationship with a psychopath? Chances are, even if you did, you would never know it. Psychopaths are cunning charmers and master manipulators, to the point where you start to accept the most extreme behaviors as normal...Even if it hurts you. All around us, every single day, human beings devoid of empathy are wreaking havoc and destroying lives in the coldest, most heartless ways imaginable. In constant pursuit of money, sex, influence, or simple entertainment, psychopaths will do whatever it takes to gain power over others. They hide behind a veil of normalcy, arranging their friends and partners like pawns in a game of chess. Using false praise and flattery to get what they want, they can lure any unsuspecting target into a relationship. Once hooked, their charming promises spin into mind games and psychological torture. Victims are left devastated and confused, unable to recognize—or even put into words—the nightmare that just took place. Written from the heart, Psychopath Free is the first guide for survivors written by a survivor, offering hope for healing and thriving after psychopathic abuse. Say goodbye to the chaos, self-doubt, and victimization. You are free.
Discover how mindfulness can help you with healing. More than twenty years ago, Jon Kabat-Zinn showed us the value of cultivating greater awareness in everyday life with his now-classic introduction to mindfulness, Wherever You Go, There You Are. Now, in TheHealing Power of Mindfulness, he shares a cornucopia of specificexamples as to how the cultivation of mindfulness can reshape your relationship with your own body and mind--explaining what we're learning about neuroplasticity and the brain, how meditation can affect our biology and our health, and what mindfulness can teach us about coming to terms with all sorts of life challenges, including our own mortality, so we can make the most of the moments that we have. Originally published in 2005 as part of a larger book titled Coming to Our Senses, The Healing Power of Mindfulness features a new foreword by the author and timely updates throughout the text. If you are interested in learning more about how mindfulness as a way of being can help us to heal, physically and emotionally, look no further than this deeply personal and also "deeply optimistic book, grounded in good science and filled with practical recommendations for moving in the right direction" (Andrew Weil, MD), from one of the pioneers of the worldwide mindfulness movement.
Who Cut the Cheese? uses a delightful little fable to encapsulate the fundamental rule of modern American management and the new economy: "Survive change by shifting blame." The fable revolves around two malevolent rats and two spiteful "Punypeople" who find themselves trapped together in a maze, fighting over a dwindling supply of constantly moving cheese. Some characters adapt readily to this treacherous, shifting environment -- blaming the weak and overpowering the helpless. Others perish in horror, praying for death. Read this book and live! Written for all ages, the story can be understood by even the youngest reader: The "maze"is a metaphor for life, and the "cheese" is a metaphor for whatever you desire in life -- be it worldly goods, spiritual well-being, or unspeakable sexual encounters too deviant even for the Internet. The more advanced reader will also understand the secondary message of the book: "Resistance is futile." As soon as change happens, we must accept it immediately or suffer the consequences. This heavy-handed lesson is designed to engender unquestioning obedience to authority, and makes the book an ideal gift for subordinates. Large companies would be well advised to give this book to each and every one of their employees, especially if they are considering a restructuring to bolster shareholder value. Extremely short, even including illustrations, the story takes less than an hour to read, but its unsettling conclusions on the nature of humanity should last a lifetime!
Analyses and compares political blame games in Western democracies to show how democratic political systems manage policy controversies.
In this landmark book, a former prosecutor, legal expert, and leading authority on sexual violence examines why we are primed to disbelieve allegations of sexual abuse—and how we can transform a culture and a legal system structured to dismiss accusers Sexual misconduct accusations spark competing claims: her word against his. How do we decide who is telling the truth? The answer comes down to credibility. But as this eye-opening book reveals, invisible forces warp the credibility judgments of even the well- intentioned among us. We are all shaped by a set of false assumptions and hidden biases embedded in our culture, our legal system, and our psyches. In Credible, Deborah Tuerkheimer provides a much-needed framework to explain how we perceive credibility, why our perceptions are distorted, and why these distortions harm survivors. Social hierarchies and inequalities foster doubt that is commonplace and predictable, resulting in what Tuerkheimer calls the “credibility discount”—our dismissal of claims by certain kinds of speakers—primarily women, and especially those who are more marginalized. The #MeToo movement has exposed how victims have been badly served by a system that is designed not to protect them, but instead to protect the status quo. Credibility lies at the heart of this system. Drawing on case studies, moving first-hand accounts, science, and the law, Tuerkheimer identifies widespread patterns and their causes, analyzes the role of power, and examines the close, reciprocal relationship between culture and law—guiding us toward accurate credibility judgments and equitable treatment of those whose suffering has long been disregarded. #MeToo has touched off a massive reckoning. To achieve lasting progress, we must shift our approach to belief. Credible helps us forge a path forward to ensuring justice for the countless individuals affected by sexual misconduct.