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These are mostly true tales of me wreaking havoc on those around me for the amusement of myself and others. I started as a preschooler getting into mischief out of pure boredom, usually at school. It continued through grade school, junior high, high school, the military, college, my first job . . .My very first booby trap was balancing a teddy bear on top of my slightly open bedroom door to fall on the head of anyone who entered. I only wish that I hadn't forgotten something and ran back in there . . . and I REALLY wished that I hadn't use the heavy teddy bear with the really hard music box . . . I was probably three years old.My second booby trap, and the most infamous within our family, utilized a battery-powered, motorized, futuristic toy assault vehicle. It was silver, sleek, aerodynamic, made of metal and had sharp edges and bright lead-based paint. It had six giant wheels with knobby tires. The body would pivot 180 degrees while rolling in one direction and the side-gunner's door would snap open and sparks would fly and a red light would flash as the toy Space Marine mowed down imaginary space monsters. I was almost 4 years old. I used the round posts on my bed as a series of pulleys around which I wrapped yarn to ensure the proper directional pull on the ON switch so when my mother opened the door to my room, the yarn pulled the switch on the mechanical death machine and it rolled out from under the bed, spun around, as the side door flipped open and a gunner with dual laser cannons began to lay down cover fire toward the door of my room. I'm not sure if my mother had learned to levitate, or if she had previously been bitten by a radio active spider, but by the time I awoke from a deep slumber the hysterical screaming had stopped and she was gracefully (yeah right) returning to earth pointing frantically and speaking in tongues. I must be gifted, because I clearly heard, “Would you please turn off your wake-up alarm?” I think my mother may have been surprised . . . It's almost always best to be nice to people, however, sometime you just HAVE to shake up your buddy's beer before you hand it to him. I hope you enjoy reading these tales as much as I enjoyed remembering them and writing them down.
Don't get mad--get even! This is a humorous compilation of the most ingenious tricks cooked up by Hayduke and his friends.
Reginald Jones was nothing less than a genius. And his appointment to the Intelligence Section of Britain's Air Ministry in 1939 led to some of the most astonishing scientific and technological breakthroughs of the Second World War. In Most Secret War he details how Britain stealthily stole the war from under the Germans' noses by outsmarting their intelligence at every turn. He tells of the 'battle of the beams'; detecting and defeating flying bombs; using chaff to confuse radar; and many other ingenious ideas and devices. Jones was the man with the plan to save Britain and his story makes for riveting reading.
From the bestselling author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The BFG! Mr. and Mrs. Twit are the smelliest, nastiest, ugliest people in the world. They hate everything—except playing mean jokes on each other, catching innocent birds to put in their Bird Pies, and making their caged monkeys, the Muggle-Wumps, stand on their heads all day. But the Muggle-Wumps have had enough. They don't just want out, they want revenge.
From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together
Annamarie Ibrahim has endured the hollowing of her body, spirit, and soul. Beginning with the hollowing of her spirit on October 5, 1977, and concluding with her hollowed soul when her only son, Austin, passed on October 5, 2018, Hollowed shares stories spanning forty years of Annamarie’s life. In this inspirational and motivational memoir, she reflects on her experiences—from the physical hollowing of her body, to helping her husband battle cancer, to grieving the loss of her only child. Annamarie shares the tools she employed to help her navigate life’s journey, manage life’s tragedies, and make irreversible life and death decisions for herself and her only child. In Hollowed, she grieves the hollowing of her spirit with the drastic changes because of illness. She grieves the loss of her body parts when she became physically hollowed. And, she grieves the physique that was free of scars and medical devices. Through struggle and acceptance, she emerges as a positive example, blazing a trail for others to travel if the situation should arise in their life.
At long last, Sarah Britton, called the “queen bee of the health blogs” by Bon Appétit, reveals 100 gorgeous, all-new plant-based recipes in her debut cookbook, inspired by her wildly popular blog. Every month, half a million readers—vegetarians, vegans, paleo followers, and gluten-free gourmets alike—flock to Sarah’s adaptable and accessible recipes that make powerfully healthy ingredients simply irresistible. My New Roots is the ultimate guide to revitalizing one’s health and palate, one delicious recipe at a time: no fad diets or gimmicks here. Whether readers are newcomers to natural foods or are already devotees, they will discover how easy it is to eat healthfully and happily when whole foods and plants are at the center of every plate.
#1 New York Times Bestseller “Funny and smart as hell” (Bill Gates), Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half showcases her unique voice, leaping wit, and her ability to capture complex emotions with deceptively simple illustrations. FROM THE PUBLISHER: Every time Allie Brosh posts something new on her hugely popular blog Hyperbole and a Half the internet rejoices. This full-color, beautifully illustrated edition features more than fifty percent new content, with ten never-before-seen essays and one wholly revised and expanded piece as well as classics from the website like, “The God of Cake,” “Dogs Don’t Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving,” and her astonishing, “Adventures in Depression,” and “Depression Part Two,” which have been hailed as some of the most insightful meditations on the disease ever written. Brosh’s debut marks the launch of a major new American humorist who will surely make even the biggest scrooge or snob laugh. We dare you not to. FROM THE AUTHOR: This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative—like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it—but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars* Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness* *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!
A hilarious #1 bestselling collection of essays from those nearest and dearest to comedian Chelsea Handler--the people she's lied to. "My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate." -- Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.