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Fantastically witty and hugely entertaining, this fun and accessible diary will appeal to anyone, teenage or otherwise ...
Nigel Mullet isn't your typical teenager . . . he's a vampire. But unfortunately, when Nigel transformed he didn't become all broody and interesting, and as for super strength and speed . . . well, forget it! Instead he's got acne, a voice that squeaks, a tendency to break out in a rash (not sparkles!) when exposed to the sun, and absolutely no idea how to talk to girls. When a beautiful new girl moves into the neighborhood, Nigel is determined to win her heart but first he's got to figure out how. In the meantime, he writes about her in his diary and composes really bad love poetry that he will recite to her one day, if he can work up the courage to tell her the truth. Can Nigel win the girl and the respect of his family--or is he destined to be a totally lame vampire forever?
After changing from lame to super-attractive over school break, vampire Nigel acquires a girlfriend, Chloe, and starts the new term as one of the most popular students at school, but then a new student sets his sights on Chloe and Nigel must compete for her affections.
Tired of running the vampire coven, Nigel Mullet surrenders the leadership to newcomer Viktor in exchange for some small favors, but soon Viktor proves to be evil, even by vampire standards, and Nigel must step in.
Luke Thorpe is a fifteen-year-old wimp ... And a werewolf.
Charlotte Caine isn't called "the Vampire Chef" because she's a member of New York's undead community-she just cooks for them. Her restaurant, Nightlife, is poised to take the top slot in the world of "haute noir" cuisine. But when a drunk customer causes a scene, a glowing review from the city's top food critic doesn't seem likely-especially when that customer winds up dead on Nightlife's doorstep. Now, with her brother under suspicion for the murder, Charlotte has to re-open her restaurant and clear her brother's name-before they both become dinner.
This hilarious diary recounts the exploits of Dorkius Maximus, a geeky young boy growing up in ancient Rome.
Nigel Mullet, a 100-year-old vampire doomed to spend eternity in the body of a socially awkward fifteen-year-old boy, records his attempts to impress the love of his life, Chloe, while battling an embarrassingly overwhelming desire to sink his fangs into her.
It takes a graveyard to raise a child. Nobody Owens, known as Bod, is a normal boy. He would be completely normal if he didn't live in a graveyard, being raised by ghosts, with a guardian who belongs to neither the world of the living nor the dead. There are adventures in the graveyard for a boy—an ancient Indigo Man, a gateway to the abandoned city of ghouls, the strange and terrible Sleer. But if Bod leaves the graveyard, he will be in danger from the man Jack—who has already killed Bod's family.
Previously published; newly revised by author I like my women like I like my whiskey: liable to kill me. The two parts of being a paranormal private investigator I could really do without are being forced to eat bananas by an animated statue with a potassium fixation, and being put on trial for murder by a self-appointed council of vampire oligarchs. To be fair, I did kind of do it (the murder, not the bananas). But I was kind of saving my girlfriend, who is kind of one of them. On top of this, I’ve also wound up with a primordial queen of the damned trying to strangle me in my dreams. And the conspiracy of undead wizards who tried to sacrifice me fifteen years ago has decided that now is the best possible time to give it another go. Throw in the woman who left me for a tech start-up, the old girlfriend who I might sort of owe eternal mystical fealty to and a werewolf “it girl” who can’t decide if she wants to eat me in the good way or the bad way, and I’m beginning to think life would be easier if I made better choices. Then again, it’d be a whole lot less fun. This book is approximately 98,000 words