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It takes the beaks of seven penguins to make a Penguin biscuit'; 'All wind is made by wind farms'; 'Wine makes mummy clever'; 'Milk feels pain'. These are just some of the great lies that Andy Riley had you telling your kids last Christmas, in the Sunday Times bestseller GREAT LIES TO TELL SMALL KIDS. Now here are LOADS MORE LIES, to bamboozle more kids and entertain wicked adults everywhere... A brilliant sequel to the Sunday Times Top Ten bestseller.
This is dark humour at its best - a collection of hilarious and outrageous cartoons which will appeal to anyone in touch with their evil side.
The Last Stupid Book You’ll Ever Need to Read Don’t want to slog through lengthy old books like A Tale of Two Cities or The Giving Tree? Sick of being judged by your avid-reader “friends” who talk about books you’ve never heard of? Want to sound smarter without the strain of actually bettering yourself? Never fear. In How Not to Read, you’ll find techniques to fake your way through literature so you never have to read another book—ever! Inside, you’ll find: •Tips for getting through anything you have to read by reading faster: Just read every third word. (One Hundred Years of Solitude becomes “Many as the Colonel was, that when him ice.” Wow! It’s like a Gertrude Stein poem only more comprehensible!) •Entire genres summed up in a single page: Historical fiction becomes “Guess who else had sex: Hitler!” •Literary insults to make yourself seem smarter: “The only thing sadder than you is a Joycean epiphany!” “You’re as weak as a passive sentence written in negative form. And probably not considered by anyone to be worth more than an adverb.” It’s time to stop fearing those people who keep bringing up Ayn Rand. How Not to Read is here to liberate the world from ever needing to read a book again.
Meet Little Penis, the cute dinky winky you bring to life when you put your finger in the puppet in this delightfully crass and hilarious parody board book for adults. This board book parodies children’s finger puppet books with its bold colors and simple illustrations, but this book is not for children! Instead, put your finger in the hole in the back of the book, and follow the adventures of Little Penis as he goes swimming (poor shrinking Penis!); gets out of bed early, so big and tall; gets a gentle kiss and hug (along with a good hard tug); head to a bar, gets drunk, and hooks up; and more—getting bigger and bigger with the turn of each page. Sometimes he’s up and sometimes he’s down, but there’s a happy ending as he finds his snug, warm place called home!
One magpie, lots of stuff, and a few friendly mice show us that less is more. This innovative and spare picture book asks the question: When is MORE more than enough? Can a team of well-intentioned mice save their friend from hoarding too much stuff? With breathtaking illustrations from the award-winning Brian Lies, this book about conservation wraps an important message in a beautiful package.
The international bestselling YA thriller by acclaimed author Karen M. McManus - now available in a bold new cover look complete with a blood red background and matching sprayed edges. Five students walk into detention. Only four come out alive. Yale hopeful Bronwyn has never publicly broken a rule. Sports star Cooper only knows what he's doing in the baseball diamond. Bad boy Nate is one misstep away from a life of crime. Prom queen Addy is holding together the cracks in her perfect life. And outsider Simon, creator of the notorious gossip app at Bayview High, won't ever talk about any of them again. He dies 24 hours before he could post their deepest secrets online. Investigators conclude it's no accident. All of them are suspects. Everyone has secrets, right? What really matters is how far you'll go to protect them. 'Tightly plotted and brilliantly written, with sharp, believable characters, this whodunit is utterly irresistible' - HEAT 'Twisty plotting, breakneck pacing and intriguing characterisation add up to an exciting single-sitting thrillerish treat' -THE GUARDIAN 'A fantastic murder mystery, packed with cryptic clues and countless plot twists. I could not put this book down' - THE SUN 'Pretty Little Liars meets The Breakfast Club' - ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY But the story doesn't end here, it continues with One of Us Is Next. . .
A colorful compendium of little white lies, based on the award-winning, “bitingly honest” blog (Imprint). From the diet you’re going to start tomorrow to that call you were about to make when something (anything) else came up—life is full of little lies that get us through the day. With Daily Dishonesty, designer and blogger Lauren Hom pays homage to the (mostly) innocent foibles that make us human. With 150+ hilariously common lies, beautifully illustrated by Hom, Daily Dishonesty touches on topics from breakups, friendship, and growing up to slacking off and guilty pleasures, in hand-lettered mantras that are all too honest about our untruths. Praise for the Daily Dishonesty blog “Simply wonderful!” —SwissMiss “Cleverly and adorably displays lies.” —Complex Magazine “Really inspiring for those of you who want to dabble in hand lettering.” —Miss Moss
From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.
Unconventional--yet effective--parenting strategies, carefully curated by the creator of the popular podcast The Longest Shortest Time Some of the best parenting advice that Hillary Frank ever received did not come from parenting experts, but from friends and podcast listeners who acted on a whim, often in moments of desperation. These "weird parenting wins" were born of moments when the expert advice wasn't working, and instead of freaking out, these parents had a stroke of genius. For example, there's the dad who pig-snorted in his baby's ear to get her to stop crying, and the mom who made a "flat daddy" out of cardboard and sat it at the dinner table when her kids were missing their deployed military father. Every parent and kid is unique, and as we get to know our kids, we can figure out what makes them tick. Because this is an ongoing process, Weird Parenting Wins covers children of all ages, ranging in topics from "The Art of Getting Your Kid to Act Like a Person" (on hygiene, potty training, and manners) to "The Art of Getting Your Kid to Tell You Things" (because eventually, they're going to be tight-lipped). You may find that someone else's weird parenting win works for you, or you might be inspired to try something new the next time you're stuck in a parenting rut. Or maybe you'll just get a good laugh out of the mom who got her kid to try beets because...it might turn her poop pink.
Join Little Critter® as he learns why it’s important to tell the whole truth—and not just part of it. Since 1975, Mercer Mayer has been writing and illustrating stories about a little ball of fur named Little Critter and the antics he stumbles into while growing up. Thomas Nelson is thrilled to bring this beloved brand to the Christian market with the launch of Inspired Kids, a new line of faith-based books featuring Little Critter. Little Critter thinks that sometimes it’s easier to tell part of the truth instead of the whole truth. In this second book in the Inspired Kids line, Little Critter learns quickly that lying has consequences and that telling the truth, no matter how hard, is always the right thing to do.