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When a London private investigator arrives in Torquay in 1955, he allows people to believe that he is a tourist. Brought in privately to investigate the death of an elderly woman who was almost buried alive, one by one he exposes the sordid and complex family secrets of its most respectable town members.
Infidelity is the most common major crisis of marriage. In this wise book, a psychiatrist and family therapist discusses four kinds of infidelity, why they happen, and what they mean.
"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
In Sex, Secrets, and Lies, author Marie Miranti Burnett, PhD, encourages husbands and wives to rethink their vows and consider whether sexual exclusivity should remain the rigid foundation of a good marriage, an ideal that too often leads to secrets and lies and the dissolution of relationships meant to last a lifetime. To strengthen the vow "until death do us part" it may be necessary to place less importance on the vow "to forsake all others." Honest conversations about our sexual needs could lead to real changes in the institution of marriage for the twenty-first century. To guide the conversation, Dr. Burnett draws on her thirty years of clinical experience, listening to the secrets of men and women grappling with their warring needs for freedom and commitment. She shares the stories told to her by urban, educated, thirty-something clients whose values and struggles reflect the significant changes in our sex lives over the past half-century. In Sex, Secrets, and Lies, Dr. Burnett informs couples that a solid marriage consists of an honest, ongoing conversation requiring courageous disclosure and respectful listening that promotes understanding and forgiveness--and that having someone to count on for a lifetime may be the true meaning of monogamy.
Claudia Black's updated bestselling primer for women whose partners are acting out sexually. Multiple affairs, compulsive pornography, prostitutes, and voyeurism—no matter their “drug” of choice, men who act out sexually leave their partners reeling in fear, rage, shame, and isolation. But there is hope. Bestselling author Claudia Black’s revised edition of her classic work Deceived offers women in relationships plagued by sexual betrayal the validation and guidance to create a new path of clarity, direction, and confidence. Dr. Black uses stories of women who have been through a wide variety of experiences to help readers develop the understanding and skills to confront the trauma of the betrayal. She offers them the opportunity to shift from their overwhelming emotions to action derived from self-esteem and integrity. Deceived encourages women to proactively emerge from traumatic stress and emotional isolation and discover their power to facilitate their own healing, allowing them to move forward in their lives.
In Quest of the Mythical Mate presents a valuable and fertile developmental model for diagnosing and treating couples that is flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to give a clear sense of direction to couples in distress. As such, this volume provides a powerful therapeutic approach for all professionals who treat couples.
After a break-up Little Debbies, chocolate, and the charity of friends could not console, Dr. Duana Welch had the epiphany that transformed the way she lived her love life, leading to verifiable, objective answers to her questions-and yours. The only fact-based book to take men and women from before-you-meet until you commit, Love Factually blends heart, soul--and evidence. In a genre long on opinion and short on proof, Love Factually puts all the evidence in your corner for the most important and daunting task of our lives: finding and keeping The One.
Reading Maggie Scarf’s groundbreaking new book could change your life. In Secrets, Lies, Betrayals, the bestselling author of Unfinished Business, Intimate Partners, and Intimate Worlds brilliantly explores how the body holds on to painful episodes from the past—including secrets we may be keeping even from ourselves—and how we can release them to live freer, healthier lives. The body has a unique memory system, in which early trauma and deeply buried feelings become woven into the fabric of our physical being. Certain events can trigger these body memories, which may then manifest themselves symptomatically—as persistent anger, mood swings, headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. These echoes from the past also cause destructive patterns in our lives and relationships. Why does a beautiful, successful woman like Claudia seek out abusive, explosively tense relationships in which she is forced to hide the truth about herself? Why does the presence of a strange woman’s name in her husband’s cell phone directory make Karen feel physically ill, to the point where she cannot get through her daily life? And why does the author herself experience painful physical symptoms when she wrestles with contradictory memories of her mother? Exploring these and other personal narratives, Scarf reveals how the body, through its neurobiological systems, retains some of life’s most important experiences—and describes how new power therapies, such as reprocessing and psychomotor, have had immediate results where traditional therapies have had a lower success rate. Grounded in recent breakthroughs in mind/body science and drawing on Scarf’s personal experiences, this book is a masterpiece of research, analysis, and insight into the human psyche, and into human life.
Lying-For Better or Worse Everybody lies. Friends lie to friends. Children lie to their parents. Politicians lie to constituents. And, inevitably, husbands and wives lie to each other. Lies between lovers have tremendous potential to both nurture and destroy a relationship. It is easy to underestimate the power that lies-even seemingly harmless lies-can wield in your marriage. Tell Me No Lies explores the complexity of honesty versus deception in marriage and reveals the many reasons behind the lies we tell our partners (and ourselves). Learn the four marital stages: * The Honeymoon * Emerging Differences * Freedom * Together as Two Discover how to recognize how lying can lead to serious trouble at each stage. The signs include: * The Dark Side of the Honeymoon, when couples refuse to acknowledge any problems * The Stalemate, when couples fight and brutalize each other with exaggerated truths * Freedom Unhinged, when independence outweighs togetherness and marital anarchy ensues. Offering a new way of thinking about truth and deception, this book will help you understand the dynamics of your marriage in the context of the marital stages. If you can identify your marital stage, you can overcome the barriers to honesty and move on to a happier and more fulfilling marriage!
It's all about cheating--the biggest threat to intimacy. Typically, men are good at creating rifts in relationships but terrible at mending them, especially after they've repeatedly betrayed their partner through sexual infidelity. For the most part, cheating men are both intimacy-challenged and empathy-challenged, and, as such, they lack the skills needed to overcome the damage wrought by their infidelity. Robert Weiss has spent over twenty years in the treatment of sex and intimacy issues. He's helped both cheating men and their betrayed spouses move through the horrors of infidelity. In Out of the Doghouse he shares his expertise, illuminating the ways in which men can move beyond their usual feeble efforts to smooth things over. Saying "I'm sorry" and trying to "buy forgiveness" with flowers and jewelry may temporarily calm the stormy seas of infidelity. However, these actions do nothing to re-establish intimacy and trust—the key components to help the distraught woman feel better about her relationship over the long-term and get over the cheating. The simple truth is men and women are very different when it comes to intimacy and relationships. While men are able to compartmentalize things like sexual infidelity, women typically view cheating as an affront to their entire relationship. They think, "If he is lying to me about sex, he's probably lying to me about everything." For betrayed women, trust just flat-out disintegrates. And without proper guidance, men have little hope of restoring it. Weiss provides exactly the needed guidance in Out of the Doghouse, helping men move past the usual infidelity roadblocks that result from cheating in ways that will not only save a damaged relationship, but restore intimacy to make it better than ever.