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In the extensive literature on couples and intimacy, little has been written about knowing and not knowing as people experience and understand them. Based on intensive interviews with thirty-seven adults, this book shows that knowing and not knowing are central to couple relationships. They are entangled in love, sexual attraction, trust, commitment, caring, empathy, decision making, conflict, and many other aspects of couple life. Often the entanglement is paradoxical. For example, many interviewees revealed that they hungered to be known and yet kept secrets from their partner. Many described working hard at knowing their partner well, and yet there were also things about their partner and their partner's past that they wanted not to know. This book's qualitative, phenomenological approach builds on and adds to the largely quantitative social psychological, communications and family field literature to offer a new and accessible insight into the experience of intimacy.
A comprehensive exploration of knowing and not knowing, being known and not known in intimate relationships.
"Everyone, in or out of a relationship, has wondered how couples work, and what makes them successful or unsuccessful, long-lasting or short-term. In this insightful, refreshingly nonjudgmental book, Barry Dym, Ph.D., and Michael Glenn, M.D., chart the stages of a couple's journey together, and offer a provocative glimpse of the complex birth and development of intimate partnerships." "At the heart of Couples, the authors identify three distinct yet recurring stages common to all enduring relationships. We learn that couples begin with a period of Expansion and Promise - a time when each individual feels somehow larger, more witty and charming, in short, the best person that he or she can be. The intensity of Expansion cannot last though, and inevitably will move into Contraction - we each pull back into our more habitual ways, enact or demand more stereotypical gender roles, and feel disappointed and betrayed. Couples who weather the storm of Contraction (and long-term couples will experience many of them) will resolve their struggles and move into a time of Resolution, when intimacy is renewed and each individual can become more complete, containing both their "best" and "worst" selves." "But Couples is much more than a map. Illustrating their ideas with in-depth examples, Drs. Dym and Glenn reveal how a couple's identity is shaped by these stages and the powerful cultural expectations of society, friends, and family who tell us what a couple should be. Couples analyzes how recurrent patterns are established, and the impact of gender issues, children, and the serious crises that occur in any lifetime. Finally, the authors offer accessible suggestions for applying these concepts to one's own relationship, guiding couples and individuals in how to manage their own periods of turmoil and transition." "Original, engaging, and thoughtful, Couples uncovers the essence of our most intimate relationship - ultimately, it offers a striking portrait not just of whom we love (and why), but who we are."--BOOK JACKET.Title Summary field provided by Blackwell North America, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Feminist icon bell hooks reminds us of the full spectrum of feeling we spend in love through her inspiring collection of love poetry, with a new introduction by Cole Arthur Riley, author of Black Liturgies. Written from the heart, When Angels Speak of Love is a book of fifty love poems by bell hooks, one our most beloved public intellectuals, and author of over twenty books, including the bestselling All About Love. Poem after poem, hooks challenges our views and experiences with love—tracing the links between seduction and surrender, the intensity of desire, and the anguish of death. “Love must clean house, choose memories to keep, and memories to let go,” she writes. These verses are expansive yet accessible—encompassing romantic love, to love of family, friends, or oneself. In any iteration, these poems remind us of both the beauty and possibility of love.
Indie Book Awards Winner A deeply affirming exploration of the unknown—with meditations and exercises for transforming the fear and uncertainty of ‘not knowing’ into a sense of openness, curiosity, and bravery For most of us, the unknown is both friend and foe. At times, it can be a source of paralyzing fear and uncertainty. At other times, it can be a starting point for transformation, creativity, and growth. The unknown is a deep current that runs throughout all religions and mystical traditions, plays an important role in contemporary psychotheraputic thought and practice, and is essential to personal growth and healing. In The Wisdom of Not Knowing, psychotherapist Estelle Frankel shows us that our psychological, emotional, and spiritual health is radically influenced by how comfortable we are with navigating the unknown and uncertain dimensions of our lives. Drawing on insights from Kabbalah, depth psychology, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, and ancient myth, Frankel explores how we can grow our souls by tapping into the wisdom of not knowing. She also includes case studies of individuals who have grappled with fears of the unknown and, as a result, come out wiser, stronger, and more resilient. Each chapter includes experiential exercises and meditations for befriending the unknown, conveying how embracing a state of "not knowing" is the key to gaining new knowledge, learning to bear uncertainty, and enjoying a healthy sense of adventure and curiosity.
A nationally renowned love and sex expert challenges 25 commonly held relationship myths and shows readers how to have success and happiness in their emotional lives.
Drawing from extensive research and in-depth interviews, an invaluable guide for anyone who wants to understand—or prevent—the collapse of a relationship. How do relationships end? Why does one partner suddenly become discontented with the other—and why is the onset of that discontentment not so sudden after all? What signals do partners send each other to indicate their doubts? Why do those signals so often go unnoticed? And how do people who saw themselves as part of a couple come to terms not just with absence and abandonment, but with a new, single identity? This groundbreaking book reveals a process that begins in secret but gradually becomes public, implicating not only partners but their social milieu. Enlightening, accessible, and deeply affecting, Uncoupling offers a startling vision of what really happens behind the surface when relationships come apart.
In the past twenty years or so, research on support processes in relationships has emerged as a distinct development in the field. Researchers have drawn from studies in the fields of communication, social support, and intimate relationships to conduct research examining support processes in relationships on micro and macro levels. Theoretical models of support processes in intimate relationships have been developed and increasingly sophisticated methodologies and data analytic techniques are being used to accumulate considerable and convincing evidence of the importance and complexity of support processes in intimate relationships. This edited book offers a broad yet coherent view of the field, showcasing novel, state-of-the-art research and theory on support processes in intimate relationships. Cutting-edge scholarly work is compiled in one accessible volume, which is designed to provoke and guide new research on social support. The book is divided into five sections designed to reflect emerging themes in the literature on support processes and intimate relationships. "Getting What One Wants: Perceived Support in Intimate Relationships" highlights the importance of offering support that is consistent with the needs of the recipient. "Providing What Partners Need: Interpersonal Aspects of Support" focuses on the importance of empathic understanding, validation of support seekers' needs, attachment styles, and the emotional context for effective support provision. "Complexities of Support Processes in Individual and Couple Well Being" highlights the complex nature of support, presenting research on the effects of partner support on coping with stress, differential responses to daily support, and the importance of providing support for positive events. "Support in the Context of Health-related Problems and Behaviors" is comprised of chapters describing the effects of support on health, illness, and injury. Finally, "Culture and Gender" presents research that explores the role of gender and culture in support processes in couples.
When you are showered with attention, it can feel incredibly romantic and can blind you to hints of problems ahead. But what happens when attentiveness becomes domination? In some relationships, the desire to control leads to jealousy, threats, micromanaging--even physical violence. If you or someone you care about are trapped in a web of coercive control, this book provides answers, hope, and a way out. Lisa Aronson Fontes draws on both professional expertise and personal experience to help you: *Recognize controlling behaviors of all kinds. *Understand why this destructive pattern occurs. *Determine whether you are in danger and if your partner can change. *Protect yourself and your kids. *Find the support and resources you need. *Take action to improve or end your relationship. *Regain your freedom and independence.