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An uproarious new novel in the tradition of Robert Asprin and Terry Pratchett! For someone who's immortal, Never Dead Ned manages to die with alarming frequency--he just has the annoying habit of rising from the grave. But this soldier might be better dead than face his latest assignment. Ogre Company is the legion's dumping ground--a motley, undisciplined group of monsters whose leaders tend to die under somewhat questionable circumstances. That's where Ned's rather unique talents come in. As Ogre Company's newly appointed commander, Ned finds himself in charge of such fine examples of military prowess as a moonstruck Amazon, a very big (and very polite) two-headed ogre, a seductively scaly siren, a blind oracle who can hear (and smell) the future, a suicidal goblin daredevil pilot, a walking tree with a chip on its shoulder, and a suspiciously goblinesque orc. Ned has only six months to whip the Ogre Company into shape or face an even more hideous assignment, but that's not the worst of his problems. Because now that Ned has found out why he keeps returning from dead, he has to do everything he can to stay alive. . . . In the Company of Ogres does for fantasy, what A. Lee Martinez's previous novel, Gil's All Fright Diner, did for horror--and elves and goblins may never be the same! At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
The author of "Gil's All Fright Diner" turns fantasy into farce. As Ogre Company's newly appointed commander, immortal "Never Dead" Ned has only six months to whip these soldiers into shape or face an even more hideous assignment.
Bloodier than Fried Green Tomatoes! Funnier than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Welcome to Gil's All Night Diner, where zombie attacks are a regular occurrence and you never know what might be lurking in the freezer . . . Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the Diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around-until Loretta, the eatery's owner, offers them $100 to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley. But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg. Seems someone's out to drive Loretta from the Diner, and more than willing to raise a little Hell on Earth if that's what it takes. Before Duke and Earl get to the bottom of the Diner's troubles, they'll run into such otherworldly complications as undead cattle, an amorous ghost, a jailbait sorceress, and the terrifying occult power of pig-latin. And maybe--just maybe--the End of the World, too. Gory, sexy, and flat-out hilarious, Gil's All Fright Diner will tickle your funnybone--before ripping it out of its socket! At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Ogres are bigger than you. Ogres are stronger than you. Ogres rule the world. It’s always idyllic in the village until the landlord comes to call. Because the landlord is an Ogre. And Ogres rule the world, with their size and strength and appetites. It’s always been that way. It’s the natural order of the world. And they only eat people sometimes. But when the headman’s son, Torquell, dares lift his hand against the landlord’s son, he sets himself on a path to learn the terrible truth about the Ogres, and about the dark sciences that ensured their rule.
Serving a wizard who has transformed innumerable victims into monsters and other cursed forms and then imprisoned them in his castle, housekeeper Nessy faces a disastrous uprising when the wizard suddenly dies.
Two heads are better than one Three can be a real pain in the arse Everyone knows ogres can't be heroes. But Og-Grim-Dog is no ordinary ogre. Recruited by a team of eccentric dungeon crawlers, all three heads are determined to prove their worth. Will their new crewmates accept them? Will the pencil pushers at the Bureau of Dungeoneering be able to stop them? Will Gal'azu become a more tolerant society...and will Og-Grim-Dog solve the dark mystery that drew them into this new world in the first place? Reader reviews: "a marathon of craziness that will tickle your sense of humor. Loved all the gritty characters and enjoyed the fast paced action plot." "If you've ever played D&D, you'll enjoy this tale of orcs, and dwarves and ogres. There's good silliness and a serious theme." "The characters are fun and diverse. The jokes are funny and adult without being lewd or gross. The plot is fun, engaging, and well timed." "This book sets up an awesome character, some great side characters, and an interesting world filled with surprisingly similar issues that we have in our own. I wasn’t expecting to love this book, but I did." "This little book was SO MUCH FUN! There were plenty of in-jokes that, as a fantasy fan, I loved and the characters were extremely likable. The whole thing just makes me want to go on an adventure." If you're looking for something lighthearted, with some cleverness, silliness, and a little grit, start this fun, feelgood adventure today! Me Three: Book 2 Og-Grim-Dog and The Dark Lord Book 3 Og-Grim-Dog and The War of The Dead Book 4 Og-Grim-Dog: Ogre's End Game KEYWORDS: humorous fantasy, comic fantasy, fantasy comedy, sword and sorcery, epic fantasy, dungeons and dragons, wizards, elves and dwarves, free fantasy, free fantasy ebook, free humorous fantasy, free epic fantasy, free sword and sorcery, free comic fantasy, free humourous fantasy, free book, free series starter, fantasy audiobook
The Werlings, a peaceful group of forgotten forest creatures whose only magic is the ability to change shapes, are unwittingly drawn into the search for a valuable item stolen from an evil queen many years before.
The knight and her horse, Edward, have made a startling discovery: there are three huge ogres asleep at her doorstep! When they wake up, the kingdom is in big trouble! The knight, Edward, and some garden gnomes fight back, not with swords and shields, but with potato peelers and spoons. It turns out that ogres are pretty friendly when they have full stomachs!
Even in Xanth where anything was possible through magic it seemed improbable that an ogre would be chosen to guide and save seven females even if he suddenly seems well-bred.
Hiding her inherent beauty while hunting for men to consume, an immortal witch enters a reluctant partnership with the pure-hearted White Knight in order to counter the efforts of an insane sorcerer who is threatening their world.