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What's better than sharing a joke? Sharing 400 jokes. Give the gift of a laugh to your family comedian. This ultimate collection of laughs is packed with awesome jokes suitable for all ages - a book everyone can enjoy together. Featuring the cheesiest jokes imaginable: I'm scared of lifts. So I take steps to avoid them. Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that. I went to a still-life exhibition. It was quite good, but not moving. I used to run a dating service for chickens but I was struggling to make hens meet. I hate Russian dolls. They are so full of themselves. ... and hundreds more...
The irrepressible, hysterical, puntastical Tim Vine, star of stage and screen, treats all of us here in his first joke book. Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like: The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
Artist Frida Clements playfully combines colorfully detailed flora and fauna drawings with funny hand-lettered wordplay in this collection of beautifully illustrated puns. Honey, bee yourself! Gopher it. Don't be koi. Like puns? That's coo, says the pigeon. Hate puns? Birch, please. Bringing a giggle (and sometimes a groan) with each inspired page, this clever ebook makes a lovely and lighthearted gift for fans of witty humor and illustration. Having a bad hare day? Feeling a little antsy? What the hail, just dill with it, and for fox sake, have a little pun.
'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .
We all know the basics of punctuation. Or do we? A look at most neighborhood signage tells a different story. Through sloppy usage and low standards on the internet, in email, and now text messages, we have made proper punctuation an endangered species. In Eats, Shoots & Leaves, former editor Lynne Truss dares to say, in her delightfully urbane, witty, and very English way, that it is time to look at our commas and semicolons and see them as the wonderful and necessary things they are. This is a book for people who love punctuation and get upset when it is mishandled. From the invention of the question mark in the time of Charlemagne to George Orwell shunning the semicolon, this lively history makes a powerful case for the preservation of a system of printing conventions that is much too subtle to be mucked about with.
Anna had everything figured out – she was about to start senior year with her best friend, she had a great weekend job and her huge work crush looked as if it might finally be going somewhere... Until her dad decides to send her 4383 miles away to Paris. On her own. But despite not speaking a word of French, Anna finds herself making new friends, including Étienne St. Clair, the smart, beautiful boy from the floor above. But he's taken – and Anna might be too. Will a year of romantic near-misses end with the French kiss she's been waiting for?
'The perfect antidote to 2020' Huffington Post 'A must-read if you like funny things' Greg James 'I had no idea Pat Sharp's life story would be so hilarious and I strongly suspect neither did he' Nish Kumar Pat Sharp is a man out of time. For those of a certain generation, he is an iconic figure synonymous with good fun, great hair and excess gunge. For others, he's just that bloke with a mullet. Fame is a fickle beast and, since the cancellation of Fun House in 1999 ('Just ten years into its run, when it was finally finding its feet'), Pat has become a reclusive figure, only emerging from his splendid isolation to pop up on things like I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out Of Here, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and Come Dine with Me. Until now. With time on his hands and now reliant on a faulty memory, Pat has expertly blended fact and . . . fiction: revealing all about his adventures with David Hassselhoff at the Berlin Wall in 1989; how he broke up a fight between Damon Albarn and Liam Gallagher at a house party; the time he suggested Geri's dress be a Union Jack; and much more. A definitive work (based on very little fact) that anatomises the cultural trends of the '80s and '90s, Re-run the Fun is just the kind of sorta-biography we need in these turbulent times. Finally, the Great British public can learn what life is like just about in sight of the top - the highs, the lows and the hair tips. 'It's easy to forget, as I had, that Pat Sharp is so much more than an iconic haircut and a helter-skelter - and this well overdue book goes into hilarious, largely-fabricated detail about Pat's critical role in shaping our world today' Rick Edwards 'No previous knowledge of Pat Sharp is required' Paul Sinha