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If your parents divorced when you were young, you were probably affected by the breakdown fo their marriage. Divided loyalties, secrets kept from the other parent, one life lived in two separate houses—these may have been par for the course. With this guide, you will learn that the effects of the divorce are not permanently harmful. Find out how to forgive your parents, discover new ways to enrich your own relationships and learn that there are alternative realities available. Divorce experts and psychologists Jeffrey Zimmerman, Ph.D., and Elizabeth S. Thayer Ph.D., show you how to recognize how your parents’ divorce influenced your life, resulting in disruptions such as relationship failures due to financial reasons, difficulties with commitment, and repeated situations that “just don’t seem to work out.” They provide techniques to help you understand and overcome these and other issues common to adult children of divorced parents. Zimmerman and Thayer focus on helping you learn how to build self-esteem, become resilient, establish healthy boundaries, communicate clearly, open up to trust, show love, believe in commitment and deal with vulnerable feelings.
When parents divorce, the children usually grow up with emotional wounds which remain with them even as adults. Healing Adult Children of Divorce examines the long-term effects of this traumatic event and puts readers on the road to healing.
This unique and highly practical workbook will guide the estimated 20 million Adult Children of Divorce (ACDs) through the pain and confusion specific to their own past. Topics included are how divorce affects children at various ages, difficulty of stepping into adult roles as children, problems with siblings, long-term effects of divorce, and more.
Adult children are often overlooked and forgotten when their parents divorce later in life, but in these pages they will find comfort and understanding for the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face. For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four generations: more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the “gray divorce revolution,” the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50. Overlooked in the issues that affect couples divorcing later in in life are the adult children of divorcing parents. Their voices open this book, and they are the voices of men and women, 18 to 50 years old. Some of them are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change. In Home Will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce, Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg share their deep understanding gained during the innumerable hours they have spent with these women and men in their clinical practices. The result is a valuable resource for these too often forgotten adult children, many of whom find that, whenever they express their feelings and experiences, the most important people in their lives frequently ignore and dismiss them. As the divorce rate for older adults soars, so too does the number of adult children who are experiencing parental divorce. Yet, these adult children frequently say that they are the only ones who are aware of what they are going through, no one understands what they are experiencing, and they feel painfully alone.
Children of divorce carry wounds into adulthood. Divorce affects our relationships to other people, our fears and longings, our faith, and our spirituality. We may have difficulties with anger, guilt, commitment or forgiveness. But our identity need not be marked only by our parents' divorce. God can enter into our woundedness and bring transformation and hope. Kristine Steakley chronicles the emotional and spiritual challenges facing adult children of divorce. She tells her own story of abandonment and estrangement with all the attendant questions of trust, self-worth and identity. But she has found that God can repair and reparent us in ways that heal and restore our relationships with ourselves, our parents and God.
Seventy now-adult children of divorce give their candid and often heart-wrenching answers to eight questions (arranged in eight chapters, by question), including: What were the main effects of your parents' divorce on your life? What do you say to those who claim that "children are resilient" and "children are happy when their parents are happy"? What would you like to tell your parents then and now? What do you want adults in our culture to know about divorce? What role has your faith played in your healing? Their simple and poignant responses are difficult to read and yet not without hope. Most of the contributors--women and men, young and old, single and married--have never spoken of the pain and consequences of their parents' divorce until now. They have often never been asked, and they believe that no one really wants to know. Despite vastly different circumstances and details, the similarities in their testimonies are striking; as the reader will discover, the death of a child's family impacts the human heart in universal ways.
A guide for parents whose adult children have cut off contact that reveals the hidden logic of estrangement, explores its cultural causes, and offers practical advice for parents trying to reestablish contact with their adult children. “Finally, here’s a hopeful, comprehensive, and compassionate guide to navigating one of the most painful experiences for parents and their adult children alike.”—Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren. As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible. While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman's insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child.
This guide seeks to lay out a map with broad paths to healing. The primary audience of this guide is adult children who have had their parents' divorce while they are in their teens, 20s, 30s, or 40s. Family and friends of those going through this struggle will also find this content beneficial in learning how to provide support. The guide is written from the perspective of "us", "we", and "our" because I am going through these steps myself and have been for the last five years. I believe that five years of lived experience is the perfect amount of time to reflect and share, because everything is still raw and real. The lessons of divorce are personal, not distant or professional. While the flow of this guide is open and cyclical, it is also structured clearly. Like posts along a mountain trail, the structure below is to ensure that we: do not get lost or wander too far off the path of healing. Phase 1: Fall Apart - Escape, Grieve, Defensive Phase 2: Flow - Move, Process, Normalize Phase 3: Grow - Attack, Forgive, Thrive The phases offer a sequence in time. Within each phase, there are three steps, and each step is within a particular healing area: Boundaries, Physical, and Emotional. The Boundaries area describes how we relate to others. The Physical area focuses on the living, breathing person we are. The Emotional area is our complex inner world searching for meaning.Moving through the three phases in the guide allows for a continual cycle of healing. It is difficult, but it is rewarding. I promise we will be okay as long as we keep moving, set our sights to a better future, grieve, and forgive.
Based on research that includes more than 300 case studies, the authors teachreaders how to break the cycle that divorce creates and get on with leading ahappy and fulfilling lufe.
Instructs adults how to deal with parents who are getting divorced late in life and how to cope with their own distress