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Although no one has ever said that growing old is a zany laugh riot, humor certainly eases the path to and through one’s golden years. And here is a heaping dose of jokes and anecdotes (anecdotes for one’s anec-dotage, you might say) to lighten and brighten the day of anyone who’s reached that certain age. You and the special senior in your life will laugh at jokes about a wide range of subjects, including . . . One-Liners: “I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” —Andy Rooney Memory: A senior citizen driving on the highway received a cell phone call from his wife. “Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!” The husband replied, “I know, but there isn’t just one—there are hundreds!” Sex and the Senior: An eighty-two-year-old man went to his doctor for a physical. A few days later the doctor saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. Several days later the doctor spoke to his patient and commented, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” The man replied, “I’m just doing what you said, Doc—‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’” The doctor said, “I didn't say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.’” Belly Laughs is a “lode” of fun for the young at heart of all ages, especially the golden age. Remember this bit of sage advice: “If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.”
Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner “I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes “The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher
A simple fitness program that's music to your years . . . A study conducted by the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company shows that orchestra conductors live 38 percent longer than the general population. The reason is simple--conducting is good cardiovascular exercise. In this book, Dr. Dale Anderson has adapted the conducting motion into a fun and easy upper-body fitness program that will help you: Strengthen heart and lungs Improve posture, flexibility, and balance Reduce pain and stress Lose weight Feel better by raising your endorphin level Anyone can benefit from this breakthrough technique--a great alternative to full-body workouts that doesn't require special equipment or a lot of time. The Orchestra Conductor's Secret to Health and Long Life also includes other innovative health advice, supplemental exercises, and suggested music to "conduct" to.
Omar Grebes and his friend Tommy Goff are both reckless skateboarders, but when they become involved with a mysterious organization called The Revolution, things get confusing and dangerous.
The Smartest Things Ever Said is a compendium of human wisdom culled from the world’s most celebrated—and sometimes anonymous—minds. From Confucius and Shakespeare to Maya Angelou and Woody Allen, and from Winston Churchill and Thomas Edison to Jeff Bezos and Jane Fonda, it is quite simply the best collection of the smartest quotes ever.
If the head is religion, the gut is magic. Taking up this provocation, this Element delves into the digestive system within transnational Afro-Diasporic religions such as Haitian Vodou, Brazilian Candomblé, and Cuban Lucumí (also called Santería). It draws from the ethnographic and archival record to probe the abdomen as a vital zone of sensory perception, amplified in countless divination verses, myths, rituals, and recipes for ethnomedical remedies. Provincializing the brain as only one locus of reason, it seeks to expand the notion of 'mind' and expose the anti-Blackness that still prevents Black Atlantic knowledges from being accepted as such. The Element examines gut feelings, knowledge, and beings in the belly; African precedents for the Afro-Diasporic gut-brain axis; post-sacrificial offerings in racist fantasy and everyday reality; and the strong stomachs and intestinal fortitude of religious ancestors. It concludes with a reflection on kinship and the spilling of guts in kitchenspaces.
This tale is a tale of a womans loyal love in a realm where obedience to a loving dad has huge rewards. It shows you that even princesses can be lonely. Even princesses can be abused. Even princesses can rebel. The princess Sasmacha was written in a year. In a journal taken to the pool. Taken to cafe's an poured into all the pain of an unfaithful husband who devalued his wifes love an abilities. It mirrors real people in my life. It is the summary of the first experience with "adultery". But that is private. So, enter mundo. Be the voyuer- the observer. I am waiting for my sanctions return to thank him for keeping me "undefiled". I dedicate this story to my marcella.. You are always in my heart
The Venetian Origins of the Commedia dell'Arte is a striking new enquiry into the late-Renaissance stirrings of professional secular comedy in Venice, and their connection to the development of what came to be known as the Commedia dell’Arte. The book contends that through a symbiotic collaboration between patrician amateurs and plebeian professionals, innovative forms of comedy developed in the Venice region, fusing ‘high’ and ‘low’ culture in a provocative mix that had a truly mass appeal. Rich with anecdotes, diary entries and literary – often ribald – comic passages, Peter Jordan's central argument has important implications for the study of Venetian art, popular theatre and European cultural history.
Your heart deserves the best protection possible, but you can’t lock it away for safekeeping. You must keep your heart in touch with the world: giving and receiving love and reaching out to embrace the people, activities, and causes that create a deeply rewarding life. In this truly transformative book, Marilyn Kagan, LCSW, and Neil Einbund, Ph.D., well-known therapists in the Los Angeles area, help you discover the common defense mechanisms we all use to guard our hearts against being hurt. Over time, these mechanisms, which the authors have coined "defenders of the heart," can become habitual and overly entrenched. In one way or another, they are at the base of nearly all of our bouts with dissatisfaction. Defenders of the Heart delivers a strong basic understanding of these 10 strategies, shows how to recognize which ones are sabotaging your life, and offers a comprehensive tool set to break free of their life-limiting powers. If you want to change your life yet are too guardedto see the very obvious paths that are open before you, this book will guide you toward the glorious, awe-inspiring, and utterly fulfilled existence you’re striving for!
A compendium of indispensable and inspiring quotes for people during any season of their lives…. The Most Inspiring Things Ever Said is a compendium of human wisdom culled from the world’s most celebrated—and sometimes anonymous—minds. From business figures, coaches and other sports figures, religious and spiritual leaders, educators, political leaders, and anyone who has ever inspired people, it is quite simply the best collection of quotes to inspire readers to new heights of endeavor, or start someone off on the right foot, whether it’s along the road less traveled or the more traditional path.