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WARNING: This book contains laugh-out-loud jokes about fake tans, vajazzles and all fings Essex Forget the Rolex or the flash car, what you really need in your life to make your friends well jel is The Essex Joke Book. It’s packed full of bling-tastic banter, racy rib-ticklers and gob-smackingly good gags all about Essex Girls and Boys, their tans and tribulations, conquests and cock-ups, and more. How can you tell an Essex Girl has been using her iPad? There’s Tipp-Ex on the screen. What do you call the skeleton of an Essex Boy in a wardrobe? Last year’s hide-and-seek champion. What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? An Essex Girl doing naked cartwheels. An Essex Girl gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. ‘You can go and play with the other kids, you know,’ she says. ‘It’s best I stay here,’ he says. ‘Why?’ asks the Essex Girl. The boy says: ‘Because I’m the f**king goalkeeper.’
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'Not all Essex girls are party girls. They can be sages, martyrs, leaders. In her neat and provocative little book, Sarah Perry celebrates their courage and vivacity.' Hilary Mantel A defence and celebration of the Essex Girl by the best-selling author of The Essex Serpent Essex Girls are disreputable, disrespectful and disobedient. They speak out of turn, too loudly and too often, in an accent irritating to the ruling classes. Their bodies are hyper-sexualised and irredeemably vulgar. They are given to intricate and voluble squabbling. They do not apologise for any of this. And why should they? In this exhilarating feminist defence of the Essex girl, Sarah Perry re-examines her relationship with her much maligned home county. She summons its most unquiet spirits, from Protestant martyr Rose Allin to the indomitable Abolitionist Anne Knight, sitting them alongside Audre Lorde, Kim Kardashian and Harriet Martineau, and showing us that the Essex girl is not bound by geography. She is a type, representing a very particular kind of female agency, and a very particular kind of disdain: she contains a multitude of women, and it is time to celebrate them.
If you've ever heard a Jewish, Italian, Irish, Libyan, Catholic, Mexican, Polish, Norwegian, or an Essex Girl, Newfie, Mother-in-Law, or joke aimed at a minority, this book of Fencing jokes is for you. In this not-so-original book, The Best Ever Book of Fencing Jokes; Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who, Mark Young takes a whole lot of tired, worn out jokes and makes them funny again. The Best Ever Book of Fencing Jokes is so unoriginal, it's original. And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Fencing joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Fencing jokes, you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Fencers wear slip-on shoes? You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. *** An evil genie captured a Fencer and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off. The Fencer brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window! *** Did you hear about the Fencer who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats." *** Why do Fencers laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it. ***
From literary classics to cookery books, blockbuster airport novels to self-help manuals, John Sutherland offers a portrait of Britain through the books that have inspired, excited and encouraged us to part with our cash. By exploring popular reading since 1945 Sutherland reveals a rich and compelling picture of the books themselves, the tremendous social changes and our responses to them. After the upheaval of World War II, Dr Eustace Chesser's ground-breaking sex manual Love without Fear reminded us how to make love not war; amid the austerity of food rationing, Elizabeth David wrote the first of her bestselling cookery books when most people could only dream of new foods and flavours. However, optimism soon turned to Cold War paranoia, which inspired John Wyndham to create his apocalyptic science fiction of the 1950s. Ian Fleming and John le Carr responded with their espionage thrillers of the 1960s and, in the 1980s, Peter Wright achieved notoriety with his all-too-factual Spycatcher. Occasionally, developments in publishing have themselves prompted social change. The acquittal of Lady Chatterley's Lover for obscenity in 1960 emancipated fiction in Britain, opening the way both for the 'bonkbuster'a novelists of the 1970s and 1980s and, in the 1990s, for the shocking realism of Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting. With media globalization, Stephen King's Carrie and Bronowski's The Ascent of Man became forerunners in a franchise industry embracing print, film and merchandise, continuing today with the enormous success of Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings. Lively, entertaining, and often humorous, Reading the Decades provides a unique view of the cultural and social history of the later twentieth century.
With his acclaimed biography of Karl Marx, his contributions to radio and television and his outstanding journalism, Francis Wheen has established himself as one of the most brilliant and admired commentators in Britain. This book brings together the best of his collected writings from the Guardian, Observer and magazines such as the Modern Review. Ranging from the follies of think-tanks to the future of swearing, the hypocrisy of New Labour to the madness of retired prime ministers, all via shady business deals and scabrous gossip, this is a book that none of Wheen's legion of admirers will want to miss.
"Don't be afraid of her," old Jim Peterson softly said to Nick Jennings from his room in the nursing home. "She's just waiting for me." Nick has just purchased the Peterson property, a secluded cabin tucked into the Midwest farming landscape, to complete his novel and repair his betrayed heart. Soon after he moves in, Nick discovers that he is sharing his house with the light spirit of Molly Ross, Jim Peterson's lover who died in a car accident over thirty years ago. She lingers, waiting for Jim to join her in death. Love's Sweet Haunting follows Nick as he settles into his haunted haven and resists falling in love again. The depth of Molly and Jim's love is revealed by way of flashbacks induced by unexplained happenings in the house. The heart-wrenching climax confirms that love endures beyond the grave.