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This groundbreaking study has been widely hailed for its focus on a human emotion generally considered impervious to rational analysis: romantic, passionate love. Ethel Person views romantic love as a powerful agent of change, arguing that it is as central to human culture as it is to human existence. This new edition of Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters emphasizes the relevance of passion not only to lovers but also to mental health professionals whose patients often enter treatment because of love-related issues -- from the inability to love or make a commitment to the perils of extramarital love to love sickness or loss of love. She forthrightly addresses not only the power of love to unlock the soul but also its inherent paradoxes and conflicts. Employing a philosophical perspective in order to understand the existential dilemmas posed by love, and a cultural perspective in order to understand its cultural variability, Dr. Person breaks with contemporary intellectual and philosophical dismissive assumptions about romantic love. She acknowledges love's vital importance and power, proposing that passion serves an important function not only for the individual but also for the culture while charging psychoanalysis with a reductionist emphasis on sexuality and psychopathology that has narrowed the focus of inquiry into love. Among the issues she discusses are: romantic love's sources in our early lives, its relationship to imagination and creativity, and its capacity to enable the lover to transcend the self how romantic love often demands a reordering of values and promotes personal growth by exposing the self to new risks and possibilities the transformational potential of transference love in the therapy process flaws in the common misperception that women are more influenced by romantic love than men considerations of homosexual love, love across generations, and love triangles, focusing on the individual growth that can result from such relationships Citing accounts of love drawn from literature, film, and real life, Person focuses on the lover's internal soliloquy and external dialogue with the beloved that can develop over an individual's life. An uplifting resource for people experiencing failing or unorthodox romances, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters boldly takes on issues pertinent to lovers, to professionals who encounter patients for whom key conflicts revolve around romantic love, and to anyone who has struggled to understand the importance of romantic love in his or her own life.
Written by a clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, USA, this study provides an exploration of romantic passion which offers insights into how, why and with whom we fall in love.
Elaine Baruch is not only among the most quiet-voiced and fair-minded of feminist writers. She is also among the most far-ranging in her scholarship, equally at ease with the writers of the Renaissance and Freud, the medieval troubadours, and our contemporary polemicists. . . instructive, absorbing, and persuasive. --Diana Trilling A lively mind is at work here and a keen and witty writer too. --Irving HoweThis is a fine collection of essays. . . making many imaginative conjectures and amusing connections. --Times Literary SupplementIn these essays what emerges is a history of romantic love. . . Highly recommended.--Library Journal Arguing that romantic love need not be a tool of women's oppression, feminist critic Baruch. . . contends that unacknowledged male fantasies about love motivate much literature by men. . . rewarding, provocative.--Publishers Weekly Utilizing both Freudian and non-Freudian psychoanalysis as well as feminist criticism, Baruch examines literary works by women and men from medieval and Romantic periods as well as cultural observations on the twentieth century and how they have influenced attitudes toward love.
It doesn't have to hurt to be in love, yet for many otherwisde accomplished and confident people, romantic involvement means anxiety, insecurity, and pain. This provocative and authoritative sourcebook, filled with true-life stories and dramatic case histories, will set every reader on a path of greater self-understanding -- and increase the possibilities of finding an enduring love.
Few of us have been spared the agonies of intimate relationships. They come in many shapes: loving a man or a woman who will not commit to us, being heartbroken when we're abandoned by a lover, engaging in Sisyphean internet searches, coming back lonely from bars, parties, or blind dates, feeling bored in a relationship that is so much less than we had envisaged - these are only some of the ways in which the search for love is a difficult and often painful experience. Despite the widespread and almost collective character of these experiences, our culture insists they are the result of faulty or insufficiently mature psyches. For many, the Freudian idea that the family designs the pattern of an individual's erotic career has been the main explanation for why and how we fail to find or sustain love. Psychoanalysis and popular psychology have succeeded spectacularly in convincing us that individuals bear responsibility for the misery of their romantic and erotic lives. The purpose of this book is to change our way of thinking about what is wrong in modern relationships. The problem is not dysfunctional childhoods or insufficiently self-aware psyches, but rather the institutional forces shaping how we love. The argument of this book is that the modern romantic experience is shaped by a fundamental transformation in the ecology and architecture of romantic choice. The samples from which men and women choose a partner, the modes of evaluating prospective partners, the very importance of choice and autonomy and what people imagine to be the spectrum of their choices: all these aspects of choice have transformed the very core of the will, how we want a partner, the sense of worth bestowed by relationships, and the organization of desire. This book does to love what Marx did to commodities: it shows that it is shaped by social relations and institutions and that it circulates in a marketplace of unequal actors.
Much has been written about the function of falling in love in the course of therapy itself. This book has a much broader aim. The author, a Jungian analyst and psychotherapy trainer, uses her teaching and clinical experience to illuminate the whole range of this near universal human experience. How, and why, does falling in love affect us so profoundly? How can it enhance who we are, or must it ultimately fade without lasting value? The author argues that the many valuable studies by psychoanalysts, relational psychologists, anthropologists, neuroscientists, and philosophers have all made valuable contributions, and uses these to highlight and explore the many values and dangers inherent in passionate love. However, she claims that a more holistic approach is required to show how these various accounts can be seen as complementary rather than competing, and can be accommodated within an overarching view of the integration of the human being in its heights and depths.
Many mothers have disturbing fantasies of killing their children. Husbands imagine, with guilt, cheating on their wives. Parents stand on the brink of hitting their teenage children, or may actually do so, while the teens fabricate elaborate strategies of revenge. Hurt, pain, uncontrollable rage, and other forms of abuse also make up the dark side of love. This landmark book has a bold thesis: The denied dark side of love that can show us love's true nature. By acknowledging our "negative" feelings, we can come into the full spectrum of emotion and hear the message of our darker feelings, without acting them out. Through this, we can increase our capacity for love. To explain her perspective, Jane Goldberg traces the development of love and hate from infancy. She debunks simplistic myths about mother love and portrays the mother/child bond in all its facets. She explores the hidden recesses of family love and romantic love and shows how the acceptance of constructive expressions of anger, jealousy, and competition can enhance intimacy. Drawing on case histories from her psychoanalytic practice, as well as mythic stories, Goldberg offers insights into the troubling but universal nature of the dark side of love. In a highly accessible style she explores how to develop a "psychological immune system" to protect against the potentially destructive elements in relationships and allow for a constructive expression of love's dark side. Her debate-provoking book should be read by psychoanalysts and psychotherapists, individuals who have suffered from the pains and hurts of love, and indeed, by those who are interested in human motivation and behavior.
The courtships, engagements, and marriages of the sons and daughters of Theodore and Pamela are the subject of this book."
What do pop songs have to say about love? Surprisingly, this book shows that most popular love songs express much more about alienation, infatuation, estrangement, jealousy, and heartbreak than about love. Scheff takes the reader on a tour of popular lyrics from 80 years of American song to reveal the emotional and relational meaning of lyrics. He shows that popular love songs typically steer listeners away from a healthy connection to the emotions surrounding love. Readers will gain a deeper understanding of love songs while appreciating the author's suggestions for how listeners and artists could enrich the art of the love song.