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"Why isn't there a commandment to 'honor thy children' or at least one to 'not abuse thy children'?" asks Beverly Engel. No one should have to tolerate an abusive or destructive relationship. However, countless adults continue to foster toxic relationships with their parents. Perhaps honoring our parents starts with honoring ourselves. While making peace with a parent may seem ideal, it is not always a viable option, and severing ties with a parent is sometimes a necessity. Engel, who had to divorce her mother for a number of years, recognizes that forgiveness is not always necessary or even possible. This sensitive, emphatic, yet practical guide includes exercises to help you through this important turning point that can inspire positive and healthy changes in your life. With step-by-step instruction and real-life testimonials, Divorcing a Parent will show you how to anticipate and manage negative pressure from others, how to overcome your doubts and guilt, how to participate in family gatherings, and how to handle grandchildren. Engel even addresses how to manage the abuse of a deceased parent. While utilizing an individualized approach, Engel guides you through the entire process to determine what is best for your wellbeing—from deciding if divorce is right for you to finalizing the separation. Above all, this book shows you how to love yourself and give yourself the gift of freedom! Beverly Engel, is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of 20 self-help books, including four best-selling books on emotional abuse. Several of her books have received awards and been translated into many languages. Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and has practiced psychotherapy for 35 years. She frequently lends her expertise to national television talk shows and has appeared on Oprah, CNN, Starting Over, and others. Learn more at www.beverlyengel.com.
Do you come away from contact with your parent with unbearable feelings of rage, low self-esteem and depression? Is your parent hypercritical, manipulative, and/or controlling? Do you feel unsafe when you are with your parent because of verbal abuse, negligence, or inappropriate behavior? No matter how much you do for your parent, is it never enough? No one should have to endure an abusive, unhealthy relationship that threatens his or her well-being -- even if that relationship is with a parent. In this ground-breaking book, Beverly Engel draws on her own personal experience, as well as the stories and letters of other adult children, to offer a complete guide to why, when and how to divorce a parent. Engel discusses good and bad reasons for taking this step, when to stop trying to reconcile, and how to prepare yourself emotionally for the actual divorce, including such alternatives as temporary separation. If you do decide that parental divorce; how to handle negative pressure from others; how to come to terms with your own grief and guilt; what to tell your own children, and how to deal with their relationships with their grandparents; how to cope with holidays; how to divorce a parent after his or her death; and what to do if you change your mind and want to reconcile.
Seventy now-adult children of divorce give their candid and often heart-wrenching answers to eight questions (arranged in eight chapters, by question), including: What were the main effects of your parents' divorce on your life? What do you say to those who claim that "children are resilient" and "children are happy when their parents are happy"? What would you like to tell your parents then and now? What do you want adults in our culture to know about divorce? What role has your faith played in your healing? Their simple and poignant responses are difficult to read and yet not without hope. Most of the contributors--women and men, young and old, single and married--have never spoken of the pain and consequences of their parents' divorce until now. They have often never been asked, and they believe that no one really wants to know. Despite vastly different circumstances and details, the similarities in their testimonies are striking; as the reader will discover, the death of a child's family impacts the human heart in universal ways.
Hey! I think you should know that there is nothing your parents are more proud of... than YOU!' This simple graphic story helps children whose parents are separating to feel better. The book says why some parents have to live in different places, reminds the child how special they are to both parents, and reassures them that both parents will keep looking after them, and love them just as before. Getting to the heart of what children need to hear in what can be a confusing time, the story lets your child know that they are loved and safe, and that this will not change. Ideal for children aged 3-7.
A parents' guide to helping youngsters cope with divorce offers advice on such issues as breaking the news, custody, and other matters.
In this immensely moving book, nineteen boys and girls, from seven to sixteen years old and from highly diverse backgrounds, share with us their deepest feelings about their parents' divorce. By listening to them, all children of divorced parents can find constructive ways to help themselves through this difficult time. And they will learn that their own shock and anger, confusion and pain, have been experienced by others and are normal and appropriate. These boys and girls speak with extraordinary honesty and tolerance, and with a remarkable absence of rationalization, illusion, or attempt to justify their own often-trying behavior in response to their situations. Their stories are immediate and convincing, and their generosity in confiding their feelings should provide comfort to children and parents alike.
Adult children are often overlooked and forgotten when their parents divorce later in life, but in these pages they will find comfort and understanding for the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face. For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four generations: more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the “gray divorce revolution,” the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50. Overlooked in the issues that affect couples divorcing later in in life are the adult children of divorcing parents. Their voices open this book, and they are the voices of men and women, 18 to 50 years old. Some of them are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change. In Home Will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce, Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg share their deep understanding gained during the innumerable hours they have spent with these women and men in their clinical practices. The result is a valuable resource for these too often forgotten adult children, many of whom find that, whenever they express their feelings and experiences, the most important people in their lives frequently ignore and dismiss them. As the divorce rate for older adults soars, so too does the number of adult children who are experiencing parental divorce. Yet, these adult children frequently say that they are the only ones who are aware of what they are going through, no one understands what they are experiencing, and they feel painfully alone.
Drawing on a three-year multidisciplinary study of the children of divorced parents, the authors, leading academics in their fields, present a much-needed guide to working with children who are experiencing parental separation. Providing an in-depth picture of the effect of divorce on children both during and after the proceedings, the topics discussed include: how parents break the news of divorce to children and how this makes them feel; where children get their ideas about divorce from; how parent-child relationships change after separation; ways in which children adapt and cope with divorc.
"Your divorce doesn't have to damage your children..., " Stahl assures, " ... especially if you limit your children's exposure to your conflicts." He knows parents are not perfect, and he uses that knowledge to show imperfect parents how to settle their differences in the best interests of the children. This revised and updated second edition features ideas from the latest research, more information on long-distance parenting, dealing with the courts, and working with a difficult co-parent. A realistic perspective on divorce and its effects on children, Parenting After Divorce features knowledgeable advice from an expert custody evaluator. Packed with real-world examples, this book avoids idealistic assumptions, and offers practical help for divorcing parents, custody evaluators, family court counselors, marriage and family therapists and others interested in the best interests of the children.
Instructs adults how to deal with parents who are getting divorced late in life and how to cope with their own distress