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Scary Good In this darkly humorous book, discover the inner musings of a deliciously demented doll, once loved and now abandoned. Peek inside her secret diary of twisted thoughts and odd scribbles, hinting at her evil and madness. But beware. She rules her attic kingdom with a porcelain fist and has minions who carry out fiendish plots against those who dare offend. So play nice. Or else. Advance praise of Diary of a Creepy-Ass Doll: "I'm speechless." —Chatty Cathy "I laughed till I cried from both ends." —Betsy Wetsy "It was so disturbing that I had the locks changed on the Dream House." —Barbie "Shorter than War and Peace. No lie!" —Pinocchio
Terror in Toyland Dolls are sweet little toys and loyal tea party companions. Dolls creep us out, and if you believe they're just innocent playthings, your soul will be the first to get ripped out while you sleep. Creepy-Ass Dolls is full of twisted little porcelain and plastic playmates with chilling thoughts, sinister plans, and disturbing enjoyments, whether it’s becoming future fashion designers of clothes that eat skin or giving murder hugs. Remember, there's a reason dolls are kept in a toy box and if they get out, pray your soul is yours to keep.
Holy Sh*t! Run for your lives! The animal kingdom is a messed-up place. Good thing you don't have to live in it because there are animals that would make Chuck Norris look like a wuss. In this tell-all tale of Animals Gone Wild, humorist Danny Vittore introduces you to the F U attitude of creatures great and small, including the fearless honey badger, which has the balls to take on lions and king cobras just for laughs; Gary Busey batsh*t crazy squirrels; and cane toads, which love to hump things Jersey Shore style.
In the world of the Vanquishers, vampires were history . . . until now. "A sharp vampire tale full of bite, heart, and humor." --Rena Barron, author of the Maya and the Rising Dark series "Boog and her friends will capture your heart in an instant." --Mark Oshiro, author of The Insiders Malika “Boog” Wilson and her best friends have grown up idolizing The Vanquishers, a group of heroic vampire hunters who wiped out the last horde of the undead decades ago. Nowadays, most people don't take even the most basic vampire precautions--the days of garlic wreaths and early curfews long gone--but Boog's parents still follow the old rules, much to her embarrassment. When a friend goes missing, Boog isn't sure what to think. Could it be the school counselor, Mr. Rupert, who definitely seems to be hiding something? Or could it be something more dangerous? Boog is determined to save her friend, but is she ready to admit vampires might not be vanquished after all? No one ever expected the Vanquishers to return, but if their town needs protection from the undead, Boog knows who to call. Inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The Watchmen, this adventure launches readers into an exciting new series.
"Brutally beautiful — not like anything else you'll read this year, or any other." - Cassandra Clare, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Clockwork Angel Kit and Fancy Cordelle are sisters of the best kind: best friends, best confidantes, and best accomplices. The daughters of the infamous Bonesaw Killer, Kit and Fancy are used to feeling like outsiders, and that’s just the way they like it. But in Portero, where the weird and wild run rampant, the Cordelle sisters are hardly the oddest or most dangerous creatures around. It’s no surprise when Kit and Fancy start to give in to their deepest desire—the desire to kill. What starts as a fascination with slicing open and stitching up quickly spirals into a gratifying murder spree. Of course, the sisters aren’t killing just anyone, only the people who truly deserve it. But the girls have learned from the mistakes of their father, and know that a shred of evidence could get them caught. So when Fancy stumbles upon a mysterious and invisible doorway to another world, she opens a door to endless possibilities….
After being raised in 1980s Chicago by a promiscuous mother, Bettina Ballentyne, the daughter of a chocolate heiress struggles to walk the line between self-preservation and self-destruction at an East Coast prep school.
A memoir in bite-size chunks from the author of the viral Modern Love column “You May Want to Marry My Husband.” “[Rosenthal] shines her generous light of humanity on the seemingly humdrum moments of life and shows how delightfully precious they actually are.” —The Chicago Sun-Times How do you conjure a life? Give the truest account of what you saw, felt, learned, loved, strived for? For Amy Krouse Rosenthal, the surprising answer came in the form of an encyclopedia. In Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life she has ingeniously adapted this centuries-old format for conveying knowledge into a poignant, wise, often funny, fully realized memoir. Using mostly short entries organized from A to Z, many of which are cross-referenced, Rosenthal captures in wonderful and episodic detail the moments, observations, and emotions that comprise a contemporary life. Start anywhere—preferably at the beginning—and see how one young woman’s alphabetized existence can open up and define the world in new and unexpected ways. An ordinary life, perhaps, but an extraordinary book.
Five months after her sister Gloria disappeared, Kitty Seevers receives a lock of Gloria's hair in the mail. No return address. Just a cryptic message that brings Kitty to the Bamboo Lounge and into the twisted realm of ventriloquist Ronny McBane and his dummy, Piggy. Kitty descends into a haunted place where reality is frayed, where the puppetmaster and puppet seem to have reversed roles—a nightmare place where a dummy moves and speaks when his master is nowhere near him. Kitty suspects not only is there something wrong with McBane and his dummy, but a greater evil is at work as those named by the dummy are dying horrible deaths. And now she has been named by the same soul-eater that destroyed her sister.
Enter New York Times bestselling author Nalini Singh’s breathtakingly passionate Guild Hunter world with the story of a woman who isn’t a vampire or an angel…or human… Once a broken girl known as Sorrow, Holly Chang now prowls the shadowy gray underground of the city for the angels. But it’s not her winged allies who make her a wanted woman—it’s the unknown power coursing through her veins. Brutalized by an insane archangel, she was left with the bloodlust of a vampire, the ability to mesmerize her prey, and a poisonous bite. Now, someone has put a bounty on her head… Venom is one of the Seven, Archangel Raphael’s private guard, and he’s as infuriating as he is seductive. A centuries-old vampire, his fangs dispense a poison deadlier than Holly’s. But even if Venom can protect Holly from those hunting her, he might not be able to save himself—because the strange, violent power inside Holly is awakening… No one is safe.
~b~>With the winning, upbeat candor that has made her show on of the most popular and honored daytime shows on the air, beloved talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres shares her views on life, love, and American Idol. "I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?" Seriously... I'm Kidding is a lively, hilarious, and often sweetly poignant look at the life of the much-loved entertainer as she opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and more. PRAISE FOR Seriously... I'm Kidding "DeGeneres's amiably oddball riffs on everything from kale to catwalks to Jesus will make fans smile." -- People "Whatever the topic, DeGeneres's compulsively readable style will appeal to fans old and new." - Publishers Weekly "Fans will not be disappointed...[DeGeneres's] trademark wit and openness shine through and through." -- Kirkus/DIVspan