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You know those times when you're surrounded by a squadron of blood-thirsty ninjas, your back is to the wall, you're down to your last heart container, and all hope seems lost? In situations like that, it's important not to panic, to take a deep breath, and to remember that even if you do shuffle off this mortal coil, by the laws of Etheria you'll shuffle right back on it again.Meet Tasha, a couch potato with no accomplishments to her name. That all changes one fateful day when she gets sucked into the world of Etheria. Here, in this world of adventure, she can become the strong person she's always wanted to be.After rescuing a princess from ninjas, one thing leads to another, and before she knows it, she's drawn into a massive quest to save Etheria. With friends by her side, Tasha must figure out who she really is.---This is a LitRPG/RPG Gamelit novel with stat progression, video game mechanics, and narrative spreadsheets. It features heavy satire and the kind of silly over-the-top situations you might expect in a 16-bit video game. No velociraptors have been harmed in the production of this novel.
Princess Kiwistafel has been kidnapped.Again. (But this time it's personal!)The Player of Legend--Tasha Singleton--sets out with her ragtag group of friends to rescue the princess. But Kiwistafel's kidnapping is only the beginning of Tasha's headaches. The menu clocks tick ever backward toward the world's end, as Entropy, the serpent god of destruction, looms in the sky.Will Tasha save the princess from Queen Murderjoy? Can she collect the remaining elemental orbs on time? Will Pan accomplish her quest to make Ari--her summoned figment of a father--a permanent being? Can Kiwi forgive Tasha for accidentally betraying her to Murderjoy?Most importantly, who will win the Wombat Island kart racing championship?Find the answers to these questions and more in Couch Potato Crisis--the penultimate volume of Couch Potato Chronicles.---*This is a LitRPG/RPG Gamelit novel with stat progression, video game mechanics, and narrative spreadsheets. It features heavy satire and the kind of silly over-the-top situations you might expect in a 16-bit video game.**No velociraptors have been harmed in the production of this novel.
Theodosia Throckmorton has her hands full at the Museum of Legends and Antiquities in London. Her father may be head curator, but it is Theo--and only Theo--who is able to see all the black magic and ancient curses that still cling to the artifacts in the museum. When Theo’s mother returns from her latest archaeological dig bearing the Heart of Egypt--a legendary amulet belonging to an ancient tomb--Theo learns that it comes inscribed with a curse so black and vile that it threatens to crumble the British Empire from within and start a war too terrible to imagine. Intent on returning the malevolent artifact to its rightful place, Theo devises a daring plan to put things right. But even with the help of her younger brother, a wily street urchin, and the secret society known as the Brotherhood of the Chosen Keepers, it won’t be easy . . . she quickly finds herself pursued down dark alleys, across an ocean, through the bustling crowds of Cairo, and straight into the heart of an ancient mystery. Theo will have to call upon everything she’s ever learned in order to prevent the rising chaos from destroying her country--and herself!
Kate's dream boyfriend has just broken up with her and she's still reeling from her diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. Aidan planned on being a lifer in the army and went to Afghanistan straight out of high school. Now he's a disabled young veteran struggling to embrace his new life. When Kate and Aidan find each other neither one wants to get attached. But could they be right for each other after all?
The sequel to the bestselling "All I Need to Know I Learned from Watching Star Trek", this witty collection of life enhancing insights looks at every season and major character of the popular "Star Trek: The Next Generation". Photos.
“[A] fantasy masterwork . . . a dirty, blood-soaked gem of a novel [that reads] like Mad Max set in Tolkien’s Middle-earth.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review) Jackal and his fellow half-orcs patrol the barren wastes of the Lot Lands, spilling their own damned blood to keep civilized folk safe. A rabble of hard-talking, hog-riding, whore-mongering brawlers they may be, but the Grey Bastards are Jackal’s sworn brothers, fighting at his side in a land where there’s no room for softness. And once Jackal’s in charge—as soon as he can unseat the Bastards’ tyrannical, seemingly unkillable founder—there’s a few things they’ll do different. Better. Or at least, that’s the plan. Until the fallout from a deadly showdown makes Jackal start investigating the Lot Lands for himself. Soon, he’s wondering if his feelings have blinded him to ugly truths about this world, and the Bastards’ place in it. In a quest for answers that takes him from decaying dungeons to the frontlines of an ancient feud, Jackal finds himself battling invading orcs, rampaging centaurs, and grubby human conspiracies alike—along with a host of dark magics so terrifying they’d give even the heartiest Bastard pause. Finally, Jackal must ride to confront a threat that’s lain in wait for generations, even as he wonders whether the Bastards can—or should--survive. Delivered with a generous wink to Sons of Anarchy, featuring sneaky-smart worldbuilding and gobs of fearsomely foul-mouthed charm, The Grey Bastards is a grimy, pulpy, masterpiece—and a raunchy, swaggering, cunningly clever adventure that’s like nothing you’ve read before. Praise for The Grey Bastards “Saddle up the war boar and set off on a wild, gory thrill-ride that ends in an awesome climax and begs for a sequel.”—Daily Mail (UK) “Non-stop action, though not for faint hearts . . . the Grey Bastards live up to their name in all respects.”—The Wall Street Journal
Maulkin didn't know dying would mean a new eternity of dungeon delving, monster slaying, and glory hunting. If he had, he wouldn't have been so worried about kicking the bucket on a date gone even more wrong than usual. Reborn in the wild world of Amaranth, Maulkin finds himself in a hulking demi-human body with a sword of a size to match. Marked as an Eternal, a fledging immortal of boundless potential, Maulkin soon discovers he's been given a mission by the elder pantheon of this new realm: Grow stronger. Ascend to godhood. Spread chaos in their name. Oh and fend off that inbound apocalypse, if he can find the time. Who wants an easy afterlife anyway?
The Stoker-award winning editor of the acclaimed, eclectic anthology The New Dead returns with 21st Century Dead, and an all-new lineup of authors from all corners of the fiction world, shining a dark light on our fascination with tales of death and resurrection... with ZOMBIES! The stellar stories in this volume includes a tale set in the world of Daniel H. Wilson's Robopocalypse, the first published fiction by Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter, and a tale of love, family, and resurrection from the legendary Orson Scott Card. This new volume also includes stories also from other award-winning and New York Times bestselling authors, such as: Simon R. Green, Chelsea Cain, Jonathan Maberry, Duane Swiercyznski, Caitlin Kittredge, Brian Keene, Amber Benson, John Skipp, S. G. Browne, Thomas E. Sniegoski, Hollywood screenwriter Stephen Susco, National Book Award nominee Dan Chaon, and more!
“A delight to the senses.” —Kirkus Reviews Perfect for fans of The One and Only Ivan, this exquisite middle grade novel from Newbery Honoree and National Book Award finalist Kathi Appelt follows a creaky old camel out to save two baby kestrel chicks during a massive storm in the Texas desert—filled with over a dozen illustrations by Caldecott winner Eric Rohmann. Zada is a camel with a treasure trove of stories to tell. She’s won camel races for the royal Pasha of Smyrna, crossed treacherous oceans to new land, led army missions with her best camel friend by her side, and outsmarted a far too pompous mountain lion. But those stories were from before. Now, Zada wanders the desert as the last camel in Texas. She’s not, however, alone. Two tiny kestrel chicks are nestled in the fluff of fur between her ears—kee-killy-keeing for their missing parents—and a dust storm the size of a mountain is taking Zada on one more grand adventure. And it could lead to this achy old camel’s most brilliant story yet.
"By turns sarcastic, tender, and irreverent, this will quickly make its way into the hands of readers who loved Walk Two Moons." —Kirkus This beloved prequel to bestselling author Sharon Creech's Newbery Medal winner Walk Two Moons chronicles the life of a thirteen-year-old during her most chaotic and romantic summer ever via journal entries, filled with hilarious observations on love, death, and the confusing mechanics of holding hands. Mary Lou is less than excited about her assignment to keep a journal over the summer. Boring! Then cousin Carl Ray comes to stay with her family, and what starts out as the dull dog days of summer quickly turns into the wildest roller-coaster ride of all time. Named one of the New York Public Library’s 100 Titles for Reading and Sharing!