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I have never fallen in love and have never loved passionately, madly, to death. My heart has never cried, torn by the grief of love... I have never cried for a man... Never thought I would die after a break-up... I have never encountered a love that leaves you gasping for breath, that gives you butterflies and clouds your judgement... The love where you are ready to fall on the ground and cry in pain, because you are losing it... I have never loved anyone other than heroin... The love of my life.Vesela Toteva"You think, dear reader, that you are holding a book in your hands. Yes that is true, it is a book, but not only that: it is the outpouring of someone's life that has been printed on the pages. Someone who has gone through hell and sunk to the bottom. Into the abyss, to the end. They got to the lowest point, but fought and got out. This is a book about the suffering you cause to yourself if you indulge in the destructive relationship of drug addiction. But it's also a book about hope, because despite everything, despite the desperation - you escape, you save yourself, you rise up. And that is the importance of Vesela Toteva's story - she lets us know that there is always hope, there is always a way out, as long as you have the hope of falling out of love. You must read it, because stories like Fall and Salvation never fail to save lives."Dr. Mitko Novkov
'Junk is not, like alcohol or weed, a means to increased enjoyment in life. Junk is not a kick. It is a way of life.' Burrough's cult classic is a raw, semi-autobiographical account of drug addiction, which outraged America and influenced generations of writers to come. He relates with unflinching realism the highs and lows of dependency- euphoria, hallucinations, ghostly nocturnal wanderings and strange sexual encounters. Junkyis a dark, powerful and mesmerizing account of one man's challenge to turn self-destruction into art.
Eva Summerhill's understanding of how one achieves success in life used to be summed up by the many clichés about hard work. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again." "Your hard work will eventually pay off." "Just put some elbow grease into it." That understanding changed drastically over time with her son's change in interests. The progression went something like this: family, play dates, private school, cello recitals, soccer games, experimenting with drugs, using harder drugs, wilderness therapy, rehab, heroin, relapses, arrests, homelessness, jail, overdoses. What happened to her child? Where could she have gone so wrong? How can she fix this? What about try, try again? Eva had one really important job to do and she had failed miserably. Helping him became her obsession; her sole focus. If he was not well how could she be? Eva became an accidental writer. Through letters, journals, text conversations, and poems she created tools that she hoped would save her child, but they may ultimately have saved them both. May the reader learn through Eva's mistakes, trials, lessons, and triumphs; how to go on living a meaningful life despite being faced with their child's addictions and their shattered expectations of what could have been.
Everyone, has a story to tell, I've just been contemplating if the world was ready to hear mine. You would be surprised at who will try to stop you from telling your story as if it will affect them. Where were those so-called family members when I was killing myself on the streets looking for love? I am here only by the grace of God. I have scars and my scars cover me from head to toe. Isn't it funny how in the midst of your darkest hours of life and sin that darkness tries to make you laugh? It makes you forget about all the sorrow and pain it put you through before issuing you another gut-wrenching blow of misfortune? But, life never really offered me a laugh. I found my comfort by diving into a life of drugs and prostitution. My life was anything but perfect. And I knocked busters on their ass, men twice my size to prove that, I would not be taken advantage of in these streets. Fighting my brothers and sisters was a way of life. My family outcast me and my mamma turned her back to me while I was treated like trash in my own family. Abuse, neglect, suicide, drug addiction and prostitution were a part of my darkest hours of life. Could it be that my mind has been trying to outrun my pain and sorrow all these years? Or is it that my pain doesn't want me to forget what has happened? I thought that if I got married life would change for me, but looking back on it and laughing now, married life did not treat me any better. And that's because my husband was strung out on heroin and running the streets sleeping with crackheads and whores. My family outcast me and my husband beat me. I laid down to die as a way to escape the pain I was feeling, but death didn't want me, not then. How did I get myself out of such a predicament? I did by the grace and mercy of God. I know that diamonds are precious stones. They are ugly to look at in their natural state and found amongst rocks and dirt walked on by people who don't know their worth. I was a diamond and did not know my worth so long ago. I was stepped on in life and by people I loved and who I thought loved me. I added to my darkest hours with my own hands by the things that I was doing; I don't deny it. Today I am delivered, no longer living in life's darkest hours. I've survived my hell on earth and not ashamed to tell my story. Getting here wasn't easy, I cried many nights, but I am here strong standing in God's mercy and grace. I've overcome it all and if I can survive my darkest hours of life and find peace and happiness, so can you.
A gripping, ultimately triumphant memoir that's also the most comprehensive and comprehensible study of the neuroscience of addiction written for the general public. FROM THE INTRODUCTION: "We are prone to a cycle of craving what we don't have, finding it, using it up or losing it, and then craving it all the more. This cycle is at the root of all addictions, addictions to drugs, sex, love, cigarettes, soap operas, wealth, and wisdom itself. But why should this be so? Why are we desperate for what we don't have, or can't have, often at great cost to what we do have, thereby risking our peace and contentment, our safety, and even our lives?" The answer, says Dr. Marc Lewis, lies in the structure and function of the human brain. Marc Lewis is a distinguished neuroscientist. And, for many years, he was a drug addict himself, dependent on a series of dangerous substances, from LSD to heroin. His narrative moves back and forth between the often dark, compellingly recounted story of his relationship with drugs and a revelatory analysis of what was going on in his brain. He shows how drugs speak to the brain - which is designed to seek rewards and soothe pain - in its own language. He shows in detail the neural mechanics of a variety of powerful drugs and of the onset of addiction, itself a distortion of normal perception. Dr. Lewis freed himself from addiction and ended up studying it. At the age of 30 he traded in his pharmaceutical supplies for the life of a graduate student, eventually becoming a professor of developmental psychology, and then of neuroscience - his field for the last 12 years. This is the story of his journey, seen from the inside out.
A book about opium usage and the effects of addiction on the authors life.